I title this "Balance" because it is something I have been lacking these past few months. My life seems to have gone way off "Balance". Blogging is the only thing that has changed or caused the changes, the off-balance. I can't bring myself to completely give up blogging. I have found many good things to come of it. Many new friends, Nerm, Jill, Jessica, Paula, Tracy, Melissa, Barbara and so many other frequent commenters (forgive me if I did not mention your name, it's late! And I am not linking...you know who you are!) Christine and I have gotten much closer through this new common interest. I have really enjoyed having my "Petition Thursday" where I am able to pray for specific petitions many of you have. I have loved sharing my love of our beautiful Catholic faith and many of the blessings of it. Kitty, Marie and KellyAnn I will continue to pray for you, you all have special places in my heart.
I have not shared though, how since starting blogging in February, my kids have gotten way out of hand, with manners and attitudes. I really think this is directly from me being on the computer too much, too late. Every free moment in the day, instead of swooping up the kids and doing something together, I run to the computer to "check" in on everyone. I catch myself being disappointed when my husband comes home early, knowing he will need to use the computer. Now isn't that terrible? I should be very excited when he comes home early. I used to be before starting blogging. I can't wait til he goes to bed, so I can get on the computer. I'm embarrassed to even type it. That's not being a good wife, a loving wife. The wife that God wants me to be.
I have noticed along with the good, has also come bad. Temptations to be on the computer, way too much. Temptations to be on the computer when "real" people are right here in my own home being ignored, getting in the way, bothering me, because of my selfish want to read about other people and their lives.
Laundry has each week piled up. Not the usual pile up, I mean PILE up. To the point where I have to wash or we will not have certain clothing articles that we need. Supper has been made with haste and not care and love. Let's just say it has not been very good. My family deserves better than that. Oh, I have done what I have to do, but not out of love, done because I have to do it. I'd rather do it because I love than just do it so I can get on the computer and read blogs and comment everywhere I go. So I can hurry and get a post in. To fill my own pride. Pride, that's another thing that has happened. I knew there would be that temptation to be full of pride when starting. (Margaret has posted about this a few times) Pride of liking the nice comments, actually living for them. Constantly checking for them.
I need to say to any readers out there who think my life is perfect, I am not all that!!! I am not perfect, my life is not perfect. I have daily struggles and temptations. I lose my patience and I spend way too much time on the computer. My late nights (it has become normal for me to go to bed around 2am, since blogging) have made me tired and less than patient with my children. I don't want to be less than anything to them or to my husband.
That Satan sure creeps up on people. On me. I will not let him win though. Since Saturday I have only been on the computer for a few minutes at a time, to mainly check emails. I catch myself thinking about the way it used to be, when I used to only look at a few blogs per day. I need it to get back to that. Now, I use Google reader and I have comments sent to my email (although, they don't all go there) and it helps, ALOT, but I need to change things. I still need to be on less.
I talked with my priest during Confession, he said to use blogging as a penitence, a sacrifice. To set and limit my times, to do it less. He explained that "penitence" and "sacrifice" are good things, or we are giving up good things by doing this. He explained it's not "conversion", which would be giving up something bad. He recognized the good in the blog world, which, I guess validated my feelings that I DO love it. But not more than my family.
SO, I will be posting less. I will be commenting less. I will be reading less. I will not be looking up every link everywhere. I have already started this, since Friday. Haven't even noticed, I bet! I HAVE noticed though, that I am available for my children. I am available if they need me to play a game, or color with them, or just play hand games like "Say, Say, Oh Playmate". We had time today to read a stack of books, instead of just one each. They loved it, I loved it. I felt like the mom that God wants me to be today. I started laundry for the week and only had the usual pile up. I also washed sheets and have our supper menus planned out for the next 2 weeks. And I was available to discipline them for talking back or disobeying or just for not being nice.
Dear Lord, thank you for showing me what needs to change to get my life back in balance. Thank you for all my wonderful readers and blog friends. Please bless them in a special way.
Lord, I am nothing, You are everything. Lord, show me the way. Lord, Make Me A Saint. Amen.