"With a married woman dine not,
recline not at table to drink by her side,
Lest your heart be drawn to her and you go down in blood to the grave."
This email was sent to me yesterday, quite only by coincidence, with God there are no coincidences though, are there? It explains my thoughts exactly about Facebook. I think it's fine for other people, but it's not for me and this is the reason. I know lots of people use Facebook for other reasons, especially teenagers, but my generation, I think uses it for contact with their pasts. Again, it's fine for some, just not for me.
"There's a point in life when you realize
who never did
who won't anymore
and who always will.
So, don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason they didn't make it to your future."
My husband recently opened a Facebook account. He also recently has gotten in contact with quite a few people from his past, like close to 60. I say great! I'm glad he has this network to be able to email people or leave a few notes through Facebook. Not old girlfriends.
Truth be told, it was my husband who got the call from an old very close friend from college. I may have met her once shortly after we were married, although I don't remember her. Doesn't matter. I trust my husband completely, and know he would never do anything and I believe this is perfectly innocent. It just is not right. Lines are crossed when a married person meets with another person of the opposite sex alone. I believe it's inappropriate. I think it opens the door for, well, nothing good.
I have run into people from my past in stores or wherever, but that's just it, we run into eachother, speak a little, catch up a little and move on. Now, maybe my past is different, having moved so much, I don't think my social network on Facebook would connect anyone. I have no desire for that type of conversation. I grew up mostly in Princeton, MN, but moved 5 times to California, including my last 2 years of high school, which were in 2 different schools, in 2 different parts of CA. Then besides moving, I had different friends with my first marriage, (annulled) with different jobs, etc. I think if I run into someone from my past, it is meant to be for whatever reason, probably to pray for that person, nothing more, in which I always do.
Now, I'm not talking about old friends who I've stayed in contact with over the years, like my friend Denise. We met when I was 4 and her family bought our old farmhouse. We've been friends ever since. We hardly see eachother, but we do email, and plan to visit, although it rarely happens.
My husband thinks I paint a perfect picture life here on my blog. Maybe I do. Truth is it's far from perfect. We all have struggles in life. I like my blog to be a place of happiness, a place people come to and feel just a little better about whatever, even if just for a moment. I think my blog is a place to escape to, it's pretty, it's all the good in me. I don't want to paint a picture of perfection here though and make anyone feel less than anything by coming here.
I have been crabby and complaining (daily) for all of February and I suppose part of January. I have been feeling like crap all the time and my husband gets the worst of it. I have had no energy to do anything, go out, nothing but do what had to be done and lay on the couch for the rest of the time. No, I'm not that picture perfect pregnant woman. Don't get me wrong, I love this little baby, I'm just not good at suffering happily. Now why wouldn't my husband like to go to coffee with an old friend? A friend who is happy and not complaining to him? Don't answer that.
This past week, I have started to have some more energy and just the drive to get off the couch. (I'm still puking every afternoon and evening but the energy is coming back)
Marriage is hard. For my husband and I, we end up co-existing. We work well together and rarely fight, maybe 3 times a year. But with 4 small children, life just gets away from us and we go into this mode of just taking care of what needs to get done, going from need to need, yet not taking any time for the two of us. We drift apart. We've tried "dating" once/month with a sitter, where we actually go out and having weeknight "homedates" but by the time the kids are all asleep, and we're ready to sit down, it's 9pm and well, we're exhausted. Finding a sitter for 4 busy kids is no small task either, not to mention expensive, it's either dinner or a movie, not both. Lately our weekends have been full of other things. Packed with other things. No time left for the two of us.
We resort to relaxing and watching a movie. No talking. No conversation. We've done it again as so many times before, we've become second to the kids in eachothers lives. It's supposed to be: 1 God, 2 Spouse, 3 children. But somehow Spouse moves to 5 or 6 on that list of priorities. How does this happen? Better yet, how can this not happen?
I know, it takes time. Time every week. Time every day. Time together. Talking, having fun together.
It is during this time of co-existing that little things build. After a long time of it, it takes something like an old female friend from college to call my husband and ask him to coffee, to make me jealous and angry. Jealous of the time I'd love to spend with him. Jealous of the conversation that she'd get to have with him, that I'm not getting. Angry that we disagree. I don't get mad that often, but when I do, I admit, I blow up!!! I yell, I am defensive and full of "you" statements.
Yes, sometimes this happens in front of the kids. This is something I need to pray about. I need to remain calm until the "right" time. In the heat of the moment, that just seems impossible. I know it's something I can pray to God and beg for those graces from our Sacrament of Matrimony to help me with, to help us with. Thank God for the Sacraments and all the graces that come from them!! I don't know how a person could make it without them.
Life is hard. Marriage is hard. But it is also easy at the same time. Does that make sense? The ups and the downs. I guess the ups are easy it's those downs where it's hard.
I know the co-existing thing happens in lots of marriages. How do you deal with it? Is it a constant struggle for you? It seems to just sneak up on us and before we know it, it's there and we are in it!
I know through the grace of God we will overcome this. I hope I have painted a more clear picture of real life here instead a picture of perfection.
If you leave comments, please keep it nice, if anything bad is written about my husband, I will delete it. I love him and he's innocent in this, and is planning on seeking the advice of a priest.