Saturday, June 13, 2009

Crazy Dreams or Signs?

When I'm pregnant, I have some pretty crazy dreams. I have nightmares. I dream unthinkable things. Things too awful to even repeat. Dreams that when I awaken, I immediately start praying to forget it. I have some pretty funny dreams too. One not too long ago, I delivered a beautiful red headed girl, with a face full of freckles already. You see, my husband would love a red-headed girl.

A few weeks ago though, I dreamed, that the morning of my C-section, I knew I was going to hemorrhage and die, but I also knew that the baby was going to live. (Somehow I guess God told me in the dream) so in the dream, we were scrambling the morning of the C-section to try to figure out what we were going to do with all the kids, how Tom was going to handle it all, well, you get the picture, right?

This dream had been on my mind for a couple weeks, when our friend died suddenly and it got me thinking about all the things this woman had to do without warning. Where do you start? If either of us dies, where does the spouse that's left, start? What all needs to be done?

SO, I discussed the dream with my husband and just kind of felt, maybe it's a sign, maybe we should be prepared, maybe it doesn't matter, nothing will probably happen, but things can happen. Usually I deliver in the normal maternity unit, but this time, because it's the 5th C-section, they are putting me in the Emergency Surgery Room on the main floor, so they can be prepared for the worst. Now, I have full confidence in our hospital and doctors, but you never know. (and I always go to Confession right before each baby!)

We are meeting with an attorney this Wednesday to discuss these kind of things. "Estate planning" is what it's called. Most of the questions do not apply to us, as we basically have nothing, but our most prized possessions, our children. We want it down on paper what will happen to them, who can or cannot see them. There are religion issues, there are sexual abuse issues, (with certain cousins), our wishes just have to be written down.

If I die, picking someone is just about impossible. With everyone, there is something that is not like me. When trying to pick, you can really see, how God gave me these children, because I am the best for them. The same with my husband. Our children are such gifts, such treasures given from Heaven, hand picked by God Himself for us. If my husband dies first, well, he does all the bills, he does everything...where would I start? I don't even know what comes due when. What would we do? Should all things just be written down, just in case? I've heard that if some things are not in both spouses names, it is a nightmare trying to fix those things. Are there things like that we need to fix, just in case?

With each child, I feel the "treasure" part so much more and it becomes heavy on my mind, to have things down on paper. To not take them for granted. These things probably will never happen. I've always been a "trust" kind of person. God will take care of us. I still believe that. I believe that everything that happens, does so for a reason, even the bad things. Like when I broke my leg, I remember laying on the ground, thinking "This will be a great time for you to sacrifice and offer things up Jamie" and "I wonder why God wants me to go through this?" But I mostly remember just accepting God's will. Period. But when there are dreams, sudden deaths, and the thoughts don't go away, are they signs to get some things in order? Well, it doesn't hurt to get our prize possessions (our children) taken care of no matter what God's will is. I've also always had the attitude, of "give me a priest, and I'm ready to die" but when there are other people depending on you, like our children, well, it's not that simple anymore.

So, crazy dreams, or signs? Maybe both. Most are crazy dreams. Unless, this sweet baby IS a beautiful little red head with freckles already all over her face...


  1. I did the same thing about 2 years ago. My sister and I had a conversation during which she asked me if we had wills, and then admonished me to not even go to bed without writing something down. I found an internet site which asks a ton of questions and then drafts a will (legal in almost every state) and then also downloaded EWTN's living will and medical power of attorney forms, stating All Things Catholic regarding end of life decisions.

    Grim, but necessary. God Bless you as you discern these important things for your family!

  2. Oh my, i have some of the same fears from time to time.

    Pray as if everything depends on God. Act as if everything depends on you. Isn't that the saying? Between you and God things will work out.

    I will pray for your peace of mind!

  3. It is extremely important to discuss these issues with your spouse before anything happens. It's a relief to know it's been settled and legally confirmed. It will provide peace of mind Jamie, not just as you head into the end of this pregnancy, but until your children can provide for themselves.

    I'm a trust in God person, too. I believe He will care for our family in every circumstance, but we live in 'this' world and therefore need to be prepared as such.

    My dreams have been crazy, too. Honestly, I'm just thankful I've been able to sleep all night ... silly/yucky dreams and all. Last night was about a bug infestation!

  4. You think everything will be fine so you do nothing . . . well, I think you are doing the right thing in having your wishes put on legal paper. It's the smart thing irregardless.
    I'm praying hard for you - safe delivery of you and the baby. I mean, we trust God implicitly, but we have the legalities to deal with as well . . . take care of the paperwork and then leave it to God. Truly rest in Him now.

  5. I'm still praying for you and your little one on the way. It never hurts to be prepared. Alot of people seem to think this Novel A-H1N1 has gone away and it hasn't.(Its now "officially" declared a pandemic.) All the data points to a tragic second wave of the virus this fall. And all the data from the CDC shows that its mostly people aged 20-50 who are being hospitalized and dying. (Sadly it hits those who are pregnant especially hard.) Its a blessing from God you're delivering before the fall, it gives both you and your precious bundle a better chance at surviving. Lets all pray our Good God spares us from what could be a scourge of epic proportions. God bless you.

  6. It's great that you will be doing this - preparation is a good thing. Before I travel (without kids) I always sign a document stating that I give so-and-so permission to make medical decisions, etc. for my kids. The one time I didn't do that?

    Dog - bite - ambulance - scar.

    Be prepared!

  7. I will keep you and the baby in my prayers. I'm going to trust that they're just crazy dreams, but it's always good to be prepared.

    It sounds like you have an amazing trust in God's will for your life and have maintained a beautiful openness to life despite having to undergo so many c-sections. I'm scared to think of the possibility of needing to have even one!

    Thanks for the hug on my blog and all of the insightful and supportive comments :)

  8. Jaime, did I send you yet a St. Gianna prayer card touched to one of my relics of her?

    I am trying so hard to try to accept God's will and trust in God. I asked God if it's not His will for us to have children then please take away this desire in my heart. Well, the desire is still in my heart!

    I feel like I have a huge mountain in front of me and it can't be moved (the mountain of infertility and endometriosis stage four). Ed and I bought the clear blue fertility monitor and we are doing the Creighton/NFP method. We have been charting and ttc (trying to conceive now)for almost two years (our anniversary is June 16th). It's funny. I know the time of the month when I'm fertile and we take advantage of those times. But still nothing happens.

    Sometimes I feel like just throwing the chart, the monitor, and everything out the window and just giving up. Maybe God wants us to adopt, but right now due to $$$ issues we can't afford to do that either.

    I've been praying the rosary along with a tape and it's definitely helping me with this struggle. I asked God and the Blessed Mother to please help me be able to accept not being able to have children, but I can't pray that usually without bursting into tears. It's so painful. I am not sure what God's will is for me or what He wants me to do. I will continue praying the rosary and trying to trust more. I'm trying. I'm really trying!!

    It's also frustrating because I just had a second surgery with a very good surgeon who is an expert on endometriosis on April 1st and I'm already experiencing some signs/symptons that the endometriosis is returning. I've been trying so hard to eat right, not drink Pepsi, not eat bad foods, and managed to lose 30 + pounds, but still I can't seem to get pregnant and now I think the endometriosis is returning no matter what I do.

    Maybe again the solution is offering up these sufferings for the conversion of sinners, for the return of your family to the faith, for a healthy pregnancy, safe birth, and healthy baby for you. I know I never met you, but Jaime if we lived closer you're the kind of friend I've love to have!

    Thinking of you and praying for you!

    P.S. Could you PLEASE pray for me? My doctor's office is concerned about my liver. They say my enzymes are high. I am going to be re-tested for the third time next Friday June 19th! They say if this test comes out high also they will send me to see a liver specialist!

    Sorry to bother you, but I wanted you to know I'm praying for you every day AND ask for your prayers too! I feel a kindredship with you because you love the Blessed Mother and the rosary too just like me!

    May God Bless you.


  9. You are smart. Write it down now.

    My mom just passed away with nothing but a will and it really did so little. We have learned so much about his horrible process and it is so important to make sure that everything is taken care of, if not just for the people you leave behind.

    I know my husband and I have been talking about this a lot. What if something happened to us? We have six kids, who could take care of them? And there are definately some relatives we would not want to have that right. It is so scary.

    Hubby just says, "Well, we can't die. That's it." But I get so scared... what if we do? And the only people who we could leave the children to aren't Catholic? It just scares me to death.

    Anyway, you are not alone in thinking about these things. I have been too.

    I will say a prayer for you and your precious baby and family!

  10. These all certainly are things a mama worries about/dreams about!

    We finally jumped in 2 years ago and decided that we couldn't leave decisions about our precious little assets (the kids) in the hands of someone who may not make the best choices for them. We found a great attorney that is Catholic and he even gave us a 'deal' on his fees since he and Reed attended college at the same school. There was A LOT more to cover than just figuring out who the kids would go with. I had just assumed that it would be natural that a family member would get them if we had nothing written down. Not the case.

    It's also brought us comfort in our decision of Guardians as we watch our children grow and they have become especially fond of the aunt and uncle to whom they would belong. They are from hubby's side of the family, but they have a good relationship with my parents too so I know that no matter what, my family would still stay a part of my kids' lives.
    I know, all things I'd really rather not think of, but I have found such relief in knowing it's taken care of.
    We even discussed what money (of the little there will be) the kids will get and when, depending on certain situations and where the money will come from to continue raising the kids should something happen while they are still at home.
    An eye opener, but thankfully, we had a VERY compassionate attorney who made sure that the wording in every document was EXACT. We also did the living will, med. power of attorney forms from EWTN or somewhere too. That too, was a relief to be done with.

    Blessings on your meeting and hopefully when it is all finished you will be at peace.

  11. Yes, prayers to St. Gianna, St. Gerard and St. Anne. While I never had this premonition, with my last baby I did almost "bleed out." I attribute my prayers to the above, while pregnant, as sparing me.

    You're so brave and wise to deal with this all. We have not....

    You friend with her head in the sand....

  12. I know we have talked about this before because it is like..."What would we do?"

    We have our head in the sand also.

    Congrats to you guys for getting this stuff done.

  13. I'm going to share this post with my husband, James. (You see how I love you? I'm calling you 'James'. :)

    We got our children's guardians in order before we went to Hawaii. The thing is, this couple now has seven children (they had four when we asked them) and is moving across the country! So I don't know what to do...but we need to do something.

    You're right to be proactive. We all are.

  14. Good stuff, Jamie. We put everything into place before my husband deployed~you speak of the same things we did. It was very difficult to choose gaurdians and in the end, we couldn't believe who God led us to. We would have NEVER choosen them on our own! But, HE has worked amazing things through it all and now I can see that they are the perfect people to step in for us if ever the need should arise. Looking forward to meeting your little red-head soon;)
    (I hope that dream comes true!)


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