When I'm pregnant, I have some pretty crazy dreams. I have nightmares. I dream unthinkable things. Things too awful to even repeat. Dreams that when I awaken, I immediately start praying to forget it. I have some pretty funny dreams too. One not too long ago, I delivered a beautiful red headed girl, with a face full of freckles already. You see, my husband would love a red-headed girl.
A few weeks ago though, I dreamed, that the morning of my C-section, I knew I was going to hemorrhage and die, but I also knew that the baby was going to live. (Somehow I guess God told me in the dream) so in the dream, we were scrambling the morning of the C-section to try to figure out what we were going to do with all the kids, how Tom was going to handle it all, well, you get the picture, right?
This dream had been on my mind for a couple weeks, when our friend died suddenly and it got me thinking about all the things this woman had to do without warning. Where do you start? If either of us dies, where does the spouse that's left, start? What all needs to be done?
SO, I discussed the dream with my husband and just kind of felt, maybe it's a sign, maybe we should be prepared, maybe it doesn't matter, nothing will probably happen, but things can happen. Usually I deliver in the normal maternity unit, but this time, because it's the 5th C-section, they are putting me in the Emergency Surgery Room on the main floor, so they can be prepared for the worst. Now, I have full confidence in our hospital and doctors, but you never know. (and I always go to Confession right before each baby!)
We are meeting with an attorney this Wednesday to discuss these kind of things. "Estate planning" is what it's called. Most of the questions do not apply to us, as we basically have nothing, but our most prized possessions, our children. We want it down on paper what will happen to them, who can or cannot see them. There are religion issues, there are sexual abuse issues, (with certain cousins), our wishes just have to be written down.
If I die, picking someone is just about impossible. With everyone, there is something that is not like me. When trying to pick, you can really see, how God gave me these children, because I am the best for them. The same with my husband. Our children are such gifts, such treasures given from Heaven, hand picked by God Himself for us. If my husband dies first, well, he does all the bills, he does everything...where would I start? I don't even know what comes due when. What would we do? Should all things just be written down, just in case? I've heard that if some things are not in both spouses names, it is a nightmare trying to fix those things. Are there things like that we need to fix, just in case?
With each child, I feel the "treasure" part so much more and it becomes heavy on my mind, to have things down on paper. To not take them for granted. These things probably will never happen. I've always been a "trust" kind of person. God will take care of us. I still believe that. I believe that everything that happens, does so for a reason, even the bad things. Like when I broke my leg, I remember laying on the ground, thinking "This will be a great time for you to sacrifice and offer things up Jamie" and "I wonder why God wants me to go through this?" But I mostly remember just accepting God's will. Period. But when there are dreams, sudden deaths, and the thoughts don't go away, are they signs to get some things in order? Well, it doesn't hurt to get our prize possessions (our children) taken care of no matter what God's will is. I've also always had the attitude, of "give me a priest, and I'm ready to die" but when there are other people depending on you, like our children, well, it's not that simple anymore.
So, crazy dreams, or signs? Maybe both. Most are crazy dreams. Unless, this sweet baby IS a beautiful little red head with freckles already all over her face...