Very Thankful Thursday

 Thankful for sunny days and beautiful sunsets seen in the evenings.

Last Thursday, I had a really, really bad day. 

One where I took out all my frustrations and failings on the kids.

I hold it all in for a really long time

then, I explode.

It happened around lunch time.

I yelled at everyone.

About everything.

I was feeling like a failure as a mother.

My kids are not perfect.

Far from it.

I know none of us are, but this particular day, it was bothering me.

Imperfections.

Especially mine.

I started yelling and told them all what I was feeling and thinking.

The one that is always mean, well, that is my fault and I told her so.

Like this:

"You're mean because I'm a bad mother, and you (another kid) aren't doing your school work

because I'm a bad mother, and you (another kid) don't pick up toys because I'm a bad mother, and it's 2:00 and we are just now eating lunch, again, because I'm a bad mother, and I'm in my workout clothes, waiting to workout, because I'm a bad mother and can't get up early enough to do it, and...." 

Well,

You get the picture, don't you?

Picture me yelling though and the kids staring at me like "what is wrong with mama?"

I fed the kids, and then went upstairs and fell to my knees.

Crying

Praying

Begging for help,

Begging for Mercy.

And you know what?

He gave it to me.

I came downstairs and my beautiful, wonderful, not always perfect kiddos forgave me.

And hugged me.

And told me

"It's OK mom, all moms freak out sometimes."

I suddenly felt so very Thankful.

Thankful for so many things.

(I also felt very hormonal)

Thankful for girls who still give me handpicked flower bouquets.

 Thankful for blooms and buds and growing leaves shining in the sunlight!

 Thankful for sisters loving each other

Thankful for big sisters and little sisters

 Thankful for glitter messes

and

husbands who help vacuum them up!

 Thankful for potted flowers from a good friend, it made my day!

 Thankful for silly boys who will only let me take silly pose pictures

 Thankful for tea parties.

Lots and lots of tea parties.

Like at least 2 every week...

 Thankful for little girls who always pray before they eat, even at a tea party

 Thankful for girls with raised pinkies

 Thankful along with tea parties, come home made cookies and little helpers, who might eat a little more than help....

 and babies, lots of babies and pretty set tables...

 Thankful for this recipe (now don't these look yummy?)

 Thankful for messy baby faces....

 See?  Thankful for lots of tea parties....

 Thankful for babies wearing homemade jammies from Grandma with homemade matching dollies....

 Thankful for boys and Spring band concerts!

 Thankful our homeschool group has a band and a wonderful band instructor who gives so much to the kiddos and Thankful that band instructor also plays the Trumpet, like Jedi.

Thankful

 most of all

 for the most precious gift of all,

A new life inside!!

Feeling very Thankful and humbled, and undeserved and amazed and scared and nervous and anxious and happy and so many feelings all at the very same time!

(probably due January sometime)