Friday, April 27, 2012

Thankful We All Have "Stuff"


I watched this video over at Monica's blog and thought it fit with the post in my head, beware,
you will cry lots of tears watching this one.  Thankful I'm a mama and I have lots of stresses.
 Lots of "stuff" as I call it.
We all have stuff.
You know, all the stuff you worry about within yourself,
in your own little world of you.
The "stuff" you think no one else feels or has to suffer?
The "stuff" we don't want?
Last Friday, I brought all my "stuff" to Jesus in our Adoration chapel, 
with Simeon, after his doctor appointment.
I needed to see Jesus, I knew He would protect us from germs
(we've made it 4 months without hardly going anywhere with Simeon, except the doctor)
I need help with my "stuff"
Sometimes (and this is one of those times) in life we have hard things.
Hard things on us all
 Thankful I have older kids that watch the little kids while I pump every 4 hours.
When I say that "every 4 hours" it doesn't sound like that much.
but it is.
It has forced my kids to help me alot.
It has forced my husband to help out alot more than he was already helping
 Supper is almost always late, my goal is to eat at 6, but if I have to pump close to that time,
well, I have to do it, so quite often, we end up eating at 8pm.
Then there are no bedtime stories or wind down times,
it's jobs, jammies and bedtime.
 In the morning it starts all over again.
Thankful these 2 fell asleep at 4:30 the other day at the same time...for about 5 minutes,
I was headed to the kitchen to finally get some lunch for myself and then
I realized it was time to pump again. 
then my little fussbucket started fussing again.
I question God why He gave us a fussy baby.
Can you believe that?
I question the God who healed my baby of his kidney obstruction.
I question the God who gave me these beautiful gifts of life to cherish and love for always
 Thankful for girls who peel my carrots, when I seem to have not a moment to spare to do so.
(I love carrots)
 Thankful for brand new workout shoes and a Cellerciser to try my best to get on
 when I 
do have a moment to spare.
Thankful for my good friend who told me about this
(More on this later)
Thankful for a husband who lets me get it
(I promised to give up my coffee for a year to help pay for it)
 Thankful I'm here for every fight and disagreement to help them work it through
even if that is constant and seems neverending,
 and I question what I'm doing wrong.

 Thankful that Spring will come if I'm ready or not
The world will keep going whether I have "stuff" or not
 Kids will always love flowers and making bouquets
I'm not missing it, 
it's still happening even if I've barely got a moment to spare.
and I'm Thankful.
 Thankful I'm here for this 12 year old boy, who is still 
just that,
a boy
who is growing up so fast
I wonder every time he hugs me, 
or
wants to sit next to me in the big chair,
(really close)
if it will be the last time.
And I wonder, 
have I done enough?
Have I done too much?
Have I lifted him up or crushed his spirits?

 Thankful I have a beautiful little girl preparing for her First Holy Communion 
and I wonder if I've taught her enough with all the pumping and taking care of a fussy baby
and all it takes to take care of a family of 8
(here we are practicing hair styles for her big day)
Have I done what God wants of me?
I don't think I am, I think I could do better.
and
I question God again
"Why do you think I can do this?"
"I'm not doing it right!" 
 Thankful it's that time for feet and hand washing at the sink, 
see?  Spring and Summer will come anyway
whether I'm ready or not
Time keeps going.
 Thankful I have big kids who can watch my sweet baby after he's been fed,
 while I shower
and bathe the next 2 youngest
 and pump
and finally come down to make breakfast...
 (no, this is not breakfast)
Thankful for V-8 farts
I may not be able to have Fiber One, but I've got you V-8!
and I ask
"God, how much more are You going to ask of me?"
"I've given up my whole way of eating, and I'm not complaining, 
I'm just tired and counting the months I have left of pumping and eating nothing but 
yogurt, smoothies and popcorn"
 Thankful that this sweet little 2 year old is such a mama's girl,
(who refuses to take off her new "horsey jammies" to get dressed in the morning) 
 when I sit down to feed Simeon after pumping and cooking and laundry,
and all I want to do is sit down and well...just sit there, 
 she gets so close to me, it's not close enough for her
and I just give in and love.

What's one Spring where I won't have time to water and take care of flowers? 
I'm growing something much more important than a pretty mailbox.
(years past mailbox, not this years)

And God answers me.
He says 
"Trust."
He says to me in Adoration,

"Trust and be Thankful for these crosses"
"They are gifts"
"Hard things are gifts from Me"

And somehow those crosses, that "stuff" doesn't seem so hard anymore.
Somehow it seems so worth it.
That "stuff" has a purpose.
Somehow, there's joy in there.
It's still hard, but there are no more questions.
and 
I'm thankful.

26 comments:

  1. Oh, Jamie, I didn't get tears just from the video, but from your post, too. What a wonderful reminder about what really matters and how to put it all in perspective.

    Then, I also had a big laugh amidst the tears about V8. Glad you found something to replace the Fiber One!

    Can't wait to hear about your new workout- it sounds like it's also fun and your new shoes are great, too. It always helps me to stay motivated in my workouts if I have cute workout shoes.

    I am still praying for you all for May 4!

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  2. I didn't watch the video but I am teary! This is a beautiful post. Jesus' words to you are beautiful. He loves us so much to give us our "stuff". All of it draws us closer to Him if we let it. Praise God.

    And I laughed at your V8 farts! After your post on Fiber One bars I decided to try them. Holy cows Jamie! I could clear a room after eating one of those! I choose carefully which days I will enjoy one!!!

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  3. You sure know how to spread the emotions out girl. Going from a Kleenex video to smiles about effects from a V-8. Your posts are always a blessing because they always seems to have wonderful pictures of your lovely family with big beautiful smiles that just make you feel better. Thanks for making me feel better on this friday. Have a wonderful weekend.
    Hugs,
    Odie

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  4. This is a beautiful post, Jamie! I hope you know that you are setting a beautiful example for your family (and all of us!) By your love and trust in the midst of so many crosses!

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  5. The beautiful thing about the crosses that God sends is that they give us humility (which I, for one, really need) and they give another person the change to be our Simon.

    We get grace; they get grace. Beautiful!

    Last night, for example, I was trying to put together the BLT's we were having for supper and was EXHAUSTED. So many steps to a silly little sandwich! And then, without even being asked, my Maria stepped up to the plate (literally) and took over. She sent me to the couch, brought me an ice water, and finished the sandwiches all by herself.

    I know you have children just like this--they are learning to be selfless, are learning to give. Oh for the grace to not refuse these crosses!

    (especially when they result in an awesome blog post like this one)

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  6. Pumping every four hours DOES seem like a lot. You are amazing! I hope you don't mind me sharing this link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1997/04/because-she-is-a-mother?lang=eng&query=because+she+mother+(name%3a%22Jeffrey+R.+Holland%22)
    It's a talk from one of our church leaders and it's my favorite! It was given just before my first was born and I've read it many times in the fourteen years since. There are several "mormon-specific" references, but the main gist is SO good for moms to read that I had to share! :) Have a great day! I'm thankful for your example.

    And your mailbox IS beautiful!

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  7. Lovely, thoughtful post! Our crosses really are our blessings! Love your mailbox! I can't wait till our morning glories start blooming.

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  8. Jamie Jo, what a beautiful post. Our Lord and Savior and redeemer of us all has rewarded you with such deeply beautiful crosses. Call it my cross-envy; what I would have given for a large family.;) Part of it I'm sure is how you share your life with us, and we can all see the joy among the siblings, and the love between you and your children. and your humble attitude welcoming all the graces God sends to help you with your overflowing day!! What big helpers your older children are. Your son will be a wonderful father, because he is growing up in a family of love and caring and helping. Same with your daughters -- they will be selfless mothers themselves someday!! God bless you day! ((My sister and I are 18 months apart in age, and we did have a time where we fought with each other, but are best friends for life)) Your daughters will be the same I'm sure.

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  9. Great post Jamie. Much of it sounds like a post out of my life right now though I am sure you take it much more gracefully than I!

    You should send me your address and I'll send you a gluten-free box of goodies. You need more than yogurt, smoothies, and popcorn! :) nmlove.123(at)gmail.com

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  10. God bless you Jamie. I look at your crosses and see mine as trivial in comparison. You do so much for your family and the love you share with them and us is amazing. God never asks for perfection, He only asks that we try.

    Thank you for sharing your struggles and real life with us. Thank you for reminding us to turn to the Lord. God Bless and know that you are prayed for and loved.

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  11. oh that video gave me goosebumps on my arms, tingles down my spine, and tears!!

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  12. Great post Jamie. There are so many tough moments in the day, but at least you're able to see the big picture. My friend sent me this quote yesterday for those moments that are hard. "When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, look to the Light of the World".....I know you already do, but it's a great quote to share! Have a great weekend.

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  13. Shelly--Thank you for your prayers! I knew you'd be excited for my new workout!! We'll see if it does anything, I got it a week ago and wanted to give it at least 6 weeks before posting about it, I want to see if there are results!! (there better be!) I don't know that my husband is as excited about the V-8 as me...but I did't have time to make my usual plate of veggies the other day and remembered I had a ton of V-8's!! (they are not quite as tasty as the Fiber Ones either!)

    Second Chances--I warned you!!! They are pretty fun to talk about though...I had to have my Fiber One at bedtime so I'd fart in my sleep. haha!! Wake up--you'll poop right away!! TMI? And YES, God brings us to our knees so all we have left to do is look up and He's always there.

    Oh, Odie---Your posts are the same way, they always make a person feel better--I love your videos, they make me feel as though I'm right there talking with you!

    Michele--I hope my kids look back at this year (or 2 years counting the pregnancy) and remember the good things, take the things they've learned and go with it. I need to really stress that good to them too, not just within myself.

    Margaret (Maggie)--Bacon takes a long time to make...like an hour for 2 lbs of bacon, which is what my family eats!! It's a long time to stand especially if you are pregnant!! And you are right, that is why this time is a gift, a gift for all of us, it's teaching us so much. As a mom, I still feel guilty when I have to call them inside from playing outside to watch the baby and the littles so I can pump. BUT it has to be done. And they are even closer to Simeon and eachother because of it. Some of them are learning to be selfless, and some are being forced to be. haha!

    Felt Family--Nancy--I loved the last 3 paragraphs, but especially his conclusion. Thanks so much for sharing that link. The things you say are almost funny, because as I go through my day, I often think of you and Spencer and think you are amazing and know I can do it because you are and remember often what you said a while ago, "You ARE doing it!" that has helped me through many days and helped me to feel less guilty for what I think I'm not doing.

    OH, and that's last year's mailbox...this years hasn't bloomed yet and will only have the perenial daisies....That picture is kind of deceiving, I should put this year's up, huh?

    Monica--Yes, after we've had the crosses, with Grace, we are able to see those turned into blessings, that's for sure!! In Minnesota, which is here, our Morning Glories don't bloom til August....this mailbox picture is from years past...I told the kiddos if they wanted morning glories this year, they will have to water...of course they are excited for that, but I know that will only last a week or so....

    OH, Gardenia--I know. We all have our crosses. I only had infertility for a few years and feel so unworthy of the precious gifts God has given me. We don't know what God's plan is for each of us, but I know in the end it will all make sense. I have a really good friend that had a baby who died in a car accident at 15 mos old, then had a girl, who is now 19, she had 3 miscarriages and an almost adoption where the mother changed her mind. I always look at her life and wonder "why?" She's a wonderful mother, she's a wonderful person. "Why?" She carries her cross with such grace, as I see you doing. I do so hope this helps them and they remember it when they are older. That would be the gift, right? The other gift, is Simeon, himself, these sacrifices for this short year of our life are for him, for our family, they show how wonderful each life actually is no matter what. My 2 oldest girls are 21 mos apart and they are best of friends and bitter enemies many times a day. I keep telling them, they will be best friends some day when they grow up....I'll tell them about you and your sister! :)

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  14. Tina Marie--NO, that's not the point here, the point here is that we all have our crosses, and each to each person is hard. Mine are not harder than yours, mine are meant for me, for the lessons I will learn, and yours are for you. You have turned so many crosses in your hard life into such blessings!! You are an amazing woman!! (and I think it's because of those crosses you've endured and still endure)

    Kathleen--Thanks for the beautiful quote....see? I told you I had a post similar to yours....just had to get it out of my head and into a post!

    OH, and Nicole--Thank you so much!!
    You are so sweet!!
    I DO eat some other things, but those are the things I seem to have the most!! I make a big pan of brown rice and eat it all week, I make both white chili and regular chili and tacos and so on those nights I can eat...It just seems that most nights I can't eat what the family is eating so I grab Kefir or yogurt and GF crackers...I did find some GF bagels (that are sold 4 for like 6 bucks!!)that are "Udi's" they are pretty good toasted with strawberry cream cheese. I don't have the time to make something different for just me...The other night, I made my favorite chicken stir fry and was very excited all day for having it that night, til I read the ingredients of soy sauce!!! 2nd ingredient after water was WHEAT!!!
    Never would have thought that!!
    I also eat choc chex often and lots and lots of veggies!!!

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  15. Jamie, you can buy wheat-free soy sauce! San J, La Choy, Kikkoman. You could also try Bragg's aminos. I try to stay away from soy at present so I've used coconut aminos. Molasses also works in a pinch I've found. I love taco night here. :)

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  16. Brian was in adoration the other day and told us at the dinner table that someone behind him farted...really loud! Would that be a V8 fart??!! hee hee

    Makes us so human to fart anywhere...but in adoration! myohmy.
    Colettes piano teacher lets some go sometimes. So funny. I know being pregnant I had some of those troubles but I sure do not look forward to being old and farty.

    YOU always amaze me. I know this is so hard right now but you are the best homeschooling mama I know.

    Tell your girls that I wish I had a sister so close. They will get it one day.

    That video did not make me cry but I for sure lay awake at night sometimes wondering if I do enough to ensure my children are successful. I want to give them opportunities but not at the cost of the family always being apart. My wish is that they get to heaven, find their calling...or vocation and find that special someone to love them forever.

    ps...I like that shirt on Mary Hannah! She is going to be beautiful on her first communion!

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  17. Oh, and I loved all the pictures. Especially that spring tree with the white flowers. So puuuurty. Might snow tomorrow morning! Can you believe that!

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  18. I have to tell you, Jamie, that I went ahead and put up my post today because of your V8 story. I wasn't going to write mine up, but reading yours gave me the courage to do it- ha!

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  19. I love your blog!!! I love your faithfulness in the chapel, your devotion to Our Lady, your daughter wearing a scapular!! I will pray for your baby too...and I know by experience the power and beauty of prayer...God bless your whole beautiful family!
    I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

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  20. I think your crosses are many because you've accepted them all!

    You're right, that's a lot to be thankful for, although, sometimes it's hard to be thankful for our crosses.

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  21. Jaime,
    Your post is beautiful! I can see through all your crosses that you are so close to our Lord. I always think that is why have these crosses to carry. For myself, without them I don't know if I would be as close to our Lord. I want to say I would be, but maybe not. What helps is to keep focused on the phrase... a narrow road to heaven. I think you are doing wonderful! I think you are doing the best you can with what you have to deal with. God knows that you are doing your best. I will watch the video now.
    God Bless you always for all your hard work and dedication as a beautiful mother! :)

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  22. These posts always get me all emotional. The big day is almost here, hang in there!

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  23. A powerful post and you are a powerful witness to the faith, Jamie Jo.

    As I kept reading I kept feeling this crescendoing feeling of inspiration. Thank you for reminding me of all to be thankful for and I am thankful for your words and pictures.

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  24. God bless you, sweet Mama. This was a beautiful post as we can all relate to our "stuff." To be thankful for our crosses is the only choice sometimes, there is no other... and all the while He draws us in to the crook of his neck...Can we get any closer? LOL Doesn't Adoration make all things new? I always ask myself why I should be surprised. Love your precious heart and thank you for sharing it with all of us:)

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  25. I loved this post and was too tired the other day to comment. I linked back to you today. I love your attitude about your crosses and love that you spread the word about the graces of Adoration.

    http://theonewithallthekids.blogspot.com/2012/04/real-world.html

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  26. Mama Bear--I tried leaving a comment on your post, great post by the way!! For some reason, I can't leave comments...it's like it goes spam maybe?

    Anyway, Prayers for that woman and her daughter, you were there for her in the right moment. (thank God) and I pray for you and your crosses!

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