I feel I must come clean from the other's day post about our first day of school. After all your positive comments, I felt, well, guilty, for leaving out what I left out. Mary Hannah, our kindergartner, not only expected the whole day to be focused on her, but she insisted it being focused on her. By yelling and screaming, hitting, throwing toys at certain sisters, throwing Lego's all over the living room, throwing all the doll clothes all over the play room and starting to throw everything off the shelf in the school room, before we caught her, which took all 3 other kids to do so, for me to bring her to her time out. Now, with most kids, this would be a moment where probably a hug and little lap time with mommy would help. Not with our Mary, she is not like that, that type of thing must be done on her terms.
inbetween that, Babycakes also had 3 poopie accidents in her panties. I now have a mixed solution in a jar, of bleach, soap and water for my hands after cleaning out these poopie panties. The last half hour of school on that first day, the littles turned on channel 2, and I let them. Ballerina Rosie yelled, "they turned on the TV" to which I said "so?" "Just let them!"
I'd planned on baking chocolate chip cookies (the pre-made dough kind, fast for snack), but had no chance to do that and was not exactly in the "happy baker mommy" mood. (we did bake them the 2nd day)
I, do have to admit, I was very patient though, considering, and everything else did go as I said, the bigger kids did great, they actually loved school! Except for Ballerina Rosie not liking to wait for me when I was working with someone else. Little Mary Hannah, did do great in what she did do.
I always have these huge guilt feelings for my littles. Maybe sending my kids off to school would be better. But I know that our reasons to choose homeschooling far outweigh the reasons to want to not do it. I do get that feeling of "it would be great to send them off to school" but I know that feeling would wear off by the end of the first half hour of them being gone. I think a real kindergarten setting where everything would be focused on Mary may be better, but would it? It's hard, homeschooling steals away time I'd like to spend with the littles. But, then I tell myself that those littles get to spend time with their siblings and learn such a multitude all day because of that, and because I am homeschooling. We truly are blessed.
I just want to say it's not easy. Homeschooling is hard. Period. It's hard. Catholic guilt? No such thing, we have Confession, but homeschool mom guilt? Yes, we have that!!! I truly believe that homeschooling is a calling. It's not for everyone. But it is for me. I have always had this strong calling, knowing I am supposed to be doing this. That is what keeps me going. That is what keeps me praying and begging for God's help some days, knowing this is what He want us to do.
The second day of school went completely different, first of all Babycakes was all pooped out, so no messy panties to clean up, and Mary, I think knew what to expect the 2nd day and wanted it to be a "happy" day. In which it was. I just wanted you to know that not all days are like that, not all days are "happy" days. Not at all.
Oh Jamie! We aall have days like this-homeschool or no! Thanks for the honesty-glad it all went better on day 2!
ReplyDeleteJamie, I'm just blown away by everyone who home schools, I could never do it! You are a already a saint in my book!
ReplyDeleteOh Jamie, thanks for the chuckle. I couldn't help it. Being in different stages and yet the same stages as you, I couldn't help but identify completely.
ReplyDeleteYes, and after that many poopy accidents (of which up until earlier this summer I could STILL identify with) I know how you'd feel. I wouldn't want to be happy mommy baker either!
Hope it continues to get better. Glad at least day 2 was easier to handle :)
I think you are the best home-schooling mama. You have that calling and you do a great job. Everybody has days like that even if my kiddos go to school.
ReplyDeleteWe have a small group within our homeschool group that participates on an accountability chat group - we call it FMCHEA (for Fargo Moorhead Catholic Home Educators Accountability). I am much more forthcoming about my day to day struggles because we can post every day of the week or just once a week; and it's more private.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just yesterday, I commented that cubicles sounded great! Why?? Because Zeke is learning to read and he likes to guess the word (it might go with the picture, but it's not the right word), and he gets frustrated when I tell him to sound it out. I'm frustrated by the guessing and the two older siblings chiming in to 'help'. It's not helpful to either Zeke or me. Thus, cubicles sound pretty good - or separate rooms!
Anyway, I too am called to this way of life called homeschooling. As frustrating as it is sometimes (and I get very frustrated), I cannot imagine any other way.
Aren't all first days about adjustments and learning the ropes...transitions...in ANY school environement? Nice that our kids can do that with us, no one loves them more tan us. As we approach our 4th year of homeschooling, I can't imagine sending them away, even when it's a trying day. But I know what you mean about wishing I could do more for my littles. It's hard to juggle everyone's needs but what they may miss in one sense, is replaced by our togetherness and the time with their siblings that they would not have had.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your sweet note on my last post...we've been busy getting ourselves ready for school and vacation.
I love hearing about your school days- the good, the bad, and the ugly! It is just fascinating to me- especially as a non-homeschooler. I am just amazed. You are so organized.
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented much this summer because our summer in the US was SO packed (which is sadly why I never made it to your neck of the woods, darn it.) But, I am anxiously awaiting the birth of you new little girl and hoping for a peaceful time until then for you.