Monday, October 18, 2010

Anniversary of my Baby

October 18th, the feast of St Luke.
9 years ago I lost a baby. I was 9 weeks along. We named "him" Gabriel.
I feel he was a boy...but I always think it's a boy until we find out it's a girl.
He waits for us in Heaven. He prays for us. We pray to him. We love him, and he loves us.
I'm a little sad today thinking of him, but there's always Ballerina Rosie to be so very thankful for, as she was conceived a couple weeks after this date (9 years ago).
What is so hard about miscarriages for me is, we already love that little soul. From the moment we find out, the love is overflowing in our hearts for each child.

This prayer gave and still gives me such consolation when I read it.
From my Mother's Manual:

To a Child in Heaven
My darling, you have gone to heaven to be eternally happy,
and are now in joy in the company of the holy innocents there.
It was a thing hard for me to understand when you were taken from me,
for parting with you has caused me grief that few can know.
Yet in all my grief I am happy, very happy for you,
because I know the joy that is yours. Your joy is now my joy, too,
because I can always feel that I had a part in bringing it to you.
Now that you are in heaven, I realize that you are mine in a truer sense
than you could ever be on earth. I cannot lose you now through sin.
While parting with you was hard, I would not wish you back because
I know that you are happier than I could ever make you here with me.

Help me, as you now can with your intercession,
that I may be completely faithful to all my duties here on earth
and merit to receive you again in eternal joys
where there will be no more sorrow or parting from those we love.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, lover of little children, hear my prayer!

11 comments:

  1. Thinking of you on baby Gabriel's day. I can completely understand how saddened the anniversary can be, but when there was another life that was conceived after that and possibly due to that miscarriage it is hard not to be grateful for that life as well.

    Saying a prayer and sending a hug this evening...

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  2. Praying for you Jamie Jo....

    I know this is a very difficult anniversary, but for consolation, as the Mother's Manual prayer says, you have given Gabriel's soul the gift of heaven. We can only imagine!

    Sending lots of prayers...

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  3. Beautiful Prayer. I also think of my two babies in Heaven often. I give thanks that they are in Heaven instead of here, and find joy in my beautiful Sabrina who was concieved shortly after they left.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  4. My little one would have been born in October, but like you, I wouldn't have my only daughter (thus far - God willing) if I had carried to term. Prayers to/for you.

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  5. Hi!

    I got your comment on my blog, thanks so much for taking time to comment!
    I actually just moved to MN, after our wedding 3 weeks ago. We're right outside St. Paul, so I'm not sure where you are in relation to me :)

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  6. jaimie, you pour your beautiful heart out on these pages and i love you for it. so real. so raw.
    praying for you on Gabriel's day. i know that pain too well. and is still there. even after all these years.

    as for kmart-shame on that girl. small talk should be reserved for weather and chit chat, not personal stuff. and you are right, as women, we SHOULD build each other up. not put each other down.

    i lost my train of thought so i guess i'd better go...but sending hugs your way...

    you are beautiful!

    ps. i just had someone comment to me the other day that i had "too many kids" also...that rudeness must be going around!

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  7. I understand your sadness. I myself had three miscarriages. My first August 1997, The last one November 2009. After the birth of my daughter, I never thought about my first child in a special way, but now I know they are all special, even if I never knew their gender, all three are in heaven. Interceding for us, here on earth. Thank you for sharing the prayer.

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  8. Jamie,
    You have my thoughts and prayers today, and one day you will have a beautiful reunion.

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  9. I keep the birds on my "new" blog because they remind me of my kiddos. The 4 kids flying and growing up so fast. Then my avabean and the little bird soul above her is the baby I lost before her. I think of that baby as a girl...do not know why.

    Thank you for this post. My prayers for all the babies that we cannot wait to hug and lub when we met them.

    Will that be an exciting day.

    little souls...so sweet and pure and perfect...sitting in Our Ladys lap...pray for us.

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  10. Jamie, my heart goes out to you. For the other post too - with the cashier's rudeness. Next time just put on a big smile and say, "I'm not pregnant, and I just lost ten pounds after having five beautiful children!"

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  11. I am saying a prayer for you today. I never understood the loss of a miscarriage until we had a loss of our own. Each soul holds a special place in our heart and as hard as it is to understand, God has a plan.
    Hugs and blessings:)

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Thank you so much for stopping and commenting!

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