Thursday, May 29, 2014

Life

Going through change is hard.
I have been really been thinking (like Sims here)
about life and the type of mama I want to truly be.
(no,it's not too late for that!)

We've been trying to adjust to life changes, business changes,
school ending, planning a winter getaway,
planning a move to another state, (Texas)
and just the busy times of having a family with 6 children
all with different personalities, wants and needs.



It's been 4 weeks now since my sweet 4 year old was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
 I can tell you it turned my life upside down 
for what seemed like forever
When in actuality it was only a week or so

Aren't struggles like that?
Once I accepted it,
accepted that our (her) life would be different than 
I was used to
things were fine.
Once I accepted it,
I was no longer mad at God.

Yes, I said that, didn't I?
I was mad at God.
I was.
I was hurt and sad
(counting carbs for a 4 year old is tricky, one trick I do to help
is fancy divider plates, makes counting easier and eating fun)
 
 I felt like, 
"How could YOU do this to ME?"
I do so much for YOU

Don't we all feel like that?
What we are doing is "enough"
Or better yet, more than enough?
but is it?
Sometimes God knows we need more.
We should never become lukewarm, 
or OK with the mediocre



 I started thinking, 
"I've been through so much, 
I've been a good girl, now let me coast a while"
(reward me)

I still struggle with this, 
I  kind of fear God and what He will give us next.

God has a sense of humor.
He is also gentle.
He knows all and He sees all.
He sees the BIG picture.

And I TRUST.
I do not know who said this, 
but it goes something like this:

"If you don't have a cross in life,
you better get on your knees and beg for one"

I believe it.
I know it.
It is through our crosses that we grow closer to God
A friend recently asked for prayers 
and she asked if I'd offer up some of my suffering for her.
I was like, 
"I'm not suffering, but I'll pray for you"

Really, I heal that quickly.
I'm such a baby
when it starts though.

I cry
I beg for Him to take it away
and
instead of saying 
"Why me?"
or  even
"Why not me?"
I get jealous, point fingers and say things like, 
"Why not them?"

We are like little children
At least I am.
I complain and cry and finally

I accept things the way they are.
The way God has allowed.
And you know what?
  

 A BIG weight is lifted off my shoulders.

Are things a little harder than they were before?
Yes.
Are we all OK?
Yes.
Will we survive?
Yes.
Things are normal now
(besides mealtimes being a little more chaotic than they were before)
(Yes, I guess that is possible)
Summer will be tricky with bringing her supplies and snacks,
but we'll figure it out.
 God is continually working on me.
Giving me more patience
(towards crabby, demanding kiddos)
more charity
 (towards people that ask dumb questions--my pet peeve)


And after acceptance is set in, 
I realize there was nothing to cry about in the first place.
There is a lot more suffering out there.
This is small.

Once hard things are accepted,
they are no longer hard.
The cross is lifted.

But if we complain about and compare our "hard things"
with others, our crosses will remain and we will be burdened.


“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
Matthew Chapter 11:28-30





I have not been reading blogs much, I'm so sorry, forgive me?

16 comments:

  1. Wonderful post! I really struggle with this sort of thing-I just want life to go smoothly all the time and I find myself worrying over what God might send my way instead of trusting Him. Thanks for this reminder that God is good all of the time!

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  2. This is so inspiring. Thank you.

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  3. I already wrote a short thankful post on Tuesday, because it could not wait until Thursday. Oh, those emotions you write about! I know them so well. I only wish I could work through them as quickly as you do. One day, maybe I will. Most days, I am OK, but sometimes, thinking of Ben just knocks the wind out of me and I cry out to God, "Why?" all over again. The kids are praying every night for your little 'Sweetie Pie'. I love that they clamor to be the first to mention her name!

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  4. She seems so happy..in every picture. You must be taking such good care of her. Your plate is full...I agree with that. I pray God brings you guys some sunshine and laughter through all this. I love those little plates...why dont adults do something like that! Thinking of you tons. you know that..RIGHT????!!

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  5. Real, raw, true, transparent, and powerful wisdom, my friend. You blaze a trail of inspiration for so many others when you write so honestly. God is using you in mighty ways!

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  6. Thank you for sharing this. I often feel so overwhelmed when a cross is first given to me, and over time we learn to handle whatever it is with God's grace and learn to accept it and usually that cross helps us on our journey of faith.

    Side note * I see Sweetie Pie got some new sandals! How is she liking them?

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  7. You touched my heart. I'm in the midst of my own overwhelming time right now and needed this. Hugs & continued prayers!

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  8. You're a gift, Jamie. We love you!

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  9. You are a gift. God truly works through you to help so many others. And it is your own "yes" that helps us.

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  10. Esther is still praying for your little dear (we all are, but figured Bridgette would most care to know that Esther remembers her in her daily prayers).

    You're so not a baby - you are a brave and caring momma who take excellent care of her family. You're dealing with this all very well and sharing with all of us so that we can be better educated.

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  11. Ok, I have to admit that I didn't want to read your words but I NEED those words. You are so right. You're lucky (blessed?) to "get over it" so quickly. I'm so glad for that.

    The plate idea? That is a great idea. It would be good even just for kids to show portion sizes.

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  12. Oh yeah, I also wanted to be able to COAST at the point my youngest (11 now) was born. Had too much on our plates already, God knew that! I wondered how we'd manage, with one more baby, anyway - and then we got the diagnosis of disability. Just took my breath away, I was so shocked, along with sad and hurt. It took awhile to come out of that. I looked to others who had been down similar paths. Other moms (like you - thank you!), responding in faith to a diagnosis or an adversity, are the best inspiration and support. For me, anyway. I'll admit it is sometimes very hard. There is also joy. My child has changed our family, and brought healing in so many areas where we didn't even know that we had wounds. Hidden wounds. Yes, God knows what He is doing, better than how we would arrange things!
    When people say things like, "God gives special kids to special people!" or, "God knows I couldn't handle THAT," I can only say, we just do what we need to do. And you would, too. Yes, you would.

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  13. You are such a great mom and inspiring woman, Jamie. I have thought of you and sent many prayers your way knowing the changes you were going through must be difficult. Thank you for sharing so honestly because when you do you also lead so many of us closer to Christ too. Challenges and changes are hard to face without pointing fingers and wondering 'why me?' And yet, those very things usually draw us closer to God and cultivate our relationship with Him into a new growth.
    Just yesterday I was standing by my grandma's bedside in the hospital as she potentially nears her death. Watching her suffer knowing that I have watched my grandparents suffer and in pain all my life, I thought how I could not even bear that much pain. How close to the heart of Christ must she be that He draws her in even closer to unite her suffering with His. And yes, I watched in sadness wishing that it could be someone else's turn to suffer. And asking all the same questions and why others have always had it so much easier?
    Life is always a learning experience, even as adults. I find myself embarking on the summer with different eyes and figuring out exactly how I need to change or be a different mom. The seasons have changed and so have my children. Changes are hard, but sometimes changes are needed and they reap wonderful rewards.

    Sorry for rambling. Your post just hit home and got my thinking this AM. Sending you much love and many prayers. Let's get together very soon. Ok?

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  14. With my twins help I keep loosing my response. UGH.

    To sum it up, you are in good company.
    “(said of God):If this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder you have so few!”

    St. Teresa of Avila quote

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  15. Prayers for you and your daughter, Jaime. Thank you for your posts

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Thank you so much for stopping and commenting!

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