This is a re-post. I shared this on Facebook and a few people liked it
so I thought I'd share it here again too.
2 1/2 years later, I feel exactly the same.
(I also have 2 girls praying I get pregnant with twins!)
Just to clarify, so no one gets too excited here,
I am not pregnant.
(at this time)
This is an issue I've been wanting to write about for quite some time.
Tom and I are, and always have been,
open to life.
What that really means
is we are open to accepting Gods gift of life
We use no artificial means to prevent God's will.
NFP, or Natural Family Planning, is used
to somewhat prevent in times of
struggle, or recovery from C-sections,
of course, from years of experience,
I know my body very well.
I know when I'm ovulating,
I know the baby days
And I know the non-baby days.
That's really what NFP is,
getting to know your body
the way God made it.
Like God made the woman's body to want to
make babies during the baby days.
(NFP is also used to achieve pregnancy-in knowing those baby days)
When we were first married, we struggled with infertility.
For the first 3 years, we were childless.
(except for my daycare children)
I, still, to this day have no idea why that happened,
except for us to be able to empathize with other childless couples
to some extent.
Maybe it was not for us,
for the couple that had their womb blessed after hearing about us.
Or the couples that heard about the womb blessing and conceived after that.
Gods will is a mystery most often
and maybe it should stay that way, we do not need to know the "why's"
Being open to Gods will
takes complete trust.
Complete trust.
That's not easy to do in today's world.
I mean who are we to say
"no way God, we do not want children, we do not
want the gifts You have for us, we know better for our lives."?
Complete trust means not worrying about what we want,
or what we think is best for us.
(working the pro life booth at the county fair this summer)
I am at an age now,
(almost 44)
where I've had 6 beautiful children,
plus one in heaven.
We are constantly in progress
with our faith, our marriage and our family
I'm torn right now.
There's a sadness in the possibility of Simeon being our last baby.
a sadness of the loss of future babies not conceived.
Because we already love that baby.
We love God's will for our lives.
I love children and love each new personality God gives us.
I have those baby feelings, or baby wantings, or baby fever.
God puts those feelings there for a reason.
I know it is a gift.
Every time I count my kids, when going places or whatever
I think, "Someone is missing..."
6 doesn't seem that many
On Sunday, during Mass, Simeon
crawled up on the pew and was standing to get something out of the
church bag, when I caught out of the corner of my eye,
the woman behind us, probably in her 50's,
(I'm guessing her kids are grown now,
and she is in between her own kids and grandchildren),
reach
and ever so slyly,
rub Simeon's soft arm.
It was such a touching moment.
My baby was a gift to her, even for just a moment.
A gift from God to me,
and a gift from God to others.
My babies are a gift to us, always.
As in I cannot even fathom to imagine life without any one of them.
I am torn, because, although, I have that baby fever,
I am also getting older. (like how I added the "er")
I catch myself thinking about life without babies.
No more high chair taking up so much room in the kitchen,
No more baby toys and baby car thingy's all over the living room.
No more changing table.
And it's expensive, having kids,
not necessarily babies, but kids?
We spend a small fortune on yogurt alone.
Money is tight.
God always provides, He really does,
there might not be extra, but there is enough.
And then there is my body
After 6 C-sections, that tummy...and
If we have another baby,
there goes 2 years of my life
2 more years of giving my body
(I'm realistic here, folks, my body goes to pot)
Carrying a baby, nursing a baby,
hard things, yes.
Really, what's 2 more years?
The years go so quickly (once they are gone)
And it is ever so rewarding and filled with blessings at the same time.
And where is the trust?
Complete Trust.
Psalm 12- Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.
So I am in the middle,
not knowing if we will ever conceive again,
and the fears that go along with that.
And
kind of looking forward to the next stage of aging.
I think that is being open.
Open to whatever God wants of us.
So if God wishes to give us another precious little soul
to love, we would be ever so Thankful.
And if that is not God's plan for us,
then, well,
we are ever so Thankful for that too.
Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
