Thursday, December 10, 2009

So Hard to Forgive

My aunt's funeral was yesterday. It was very nice. One of her sons gave a beautiful talk about her after Mass. He talked about how she was good at being both Martha and Mary. My aunt survived 5 different cancers and ended up dying from an infection from one of her lung surgeries. She was given the grace to prepare her soul, how blessed she is and her family to see this.

My parents actually did go to this funeral, which I'm glad of. Back after this happened, my mom asked their "priest" and he said they should go to funerals in the future. The problem is, I ended up sitting behind them during Mass, I tried to sit in front of them, but the priest had everyone move up closer, as the church was not very full. I had to see my dad and mom not even acknowledge Jesus, they would not even kneel!!!

I don't even know what I feel. Shock, disgust, anger, sadness, embarrassment, I don't know.
For those newer to my blog, the story is here. A short version is that about 3 1/2 years ago, my parents left the Roman Catholic Church and joined the SSPX Church. (which is pre-Vatican II and not in union with the Holy Father)

I do know one thing I feel, that is that I have not forgiven them. I feel betrayed. I'm just having a really hard time just letting go. I can't get past it. I'm praying for me to forgive and of course for them to return to Rome. I know the forgiving part has to come first. I never thought of myself as not forgiving, but I need the grace, I guess to forgive this one. It's easy to think I've forgiven them, when I don't see them, but when funerals, holidays and birthdays come up, well...I realize it's not happened yet.

Not much else to say here, just had to get it off my mind, couldn't even blog about anything else until I did. Thank you for listening and thank you for your prayers.

I get along with all my friends and anyone I meet. It's family that's hard. As someone told me once, it's because you don't get to pick family. So true.


  1. Dear Jamie, I'm praying for you. I cannot imagine how I'd feel in your shoes. It would be very difficult indeed because my mom, especially, is such a role model of living the Catholic faith for me.

    Thank goodness your parents went to the funeral.

  2. Jamie-it always makes me so sad to know you have to go through this. I cannot phathom how hard it must be. Praying for all of you!

  3. I've always heard the same thing - you get to pick your friends but you are born with relatives. I think you will be able to forgive time. He will help you get there.

  4. Jamie, I am so sorry that you have to endure this pain. I can understand how hurt you are; it makes sense. They are your parents, and you don't want this to stand in the way of a good relationship with them. The hope is that you want to forgive. That desire is already planted within you. Keep praying for the ability and grace that you need to forgive and figure out how to live with it. And keep praying for them, that their hearts will change. The Lord hears you and will guide you. Prayer is a very, very powerful thing! God bless you, dear!

  5. Jamie,

    I am so sorry! What a heart breaking situation!

    Praying the rosary of the seven sorrows for you and your family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

    Years ago we had a family situation where a few members had a fight and didn't get along. It was awful. It really upset us. A few of us prayed the rosary asking for peace, healing, and forgiveness between the involved family members and guess what? Eventually the members of the family made up and things were much better.

    I highly recommend praying the rosary or the rosary of the seven sorrows for peace, healing, and forgiveness! It works!

    I will be praying the rosary for you and everyone involved!

    Much love and hugs to you!


  6. My heart hurts for you in this situation, Jamie. We've been thru tough family times too and I know how painful it is. A priest once said to pray to be willing to be willing to change. That's always been a good thing for me to remember. You are certainly in my prayers. I've watch you suffer with this for a long while. Love ya, Nerm

  7. oh Jamie,

    What a cross you have to bear. Many many prayers for your parents and you.

  8. i'm just sittin' here in my snuggie, catching up on blogs...and i wanted to tell you that i am so sorry you are having this problem with your parents jaimie. luckily i get along just ducky with mine, which is a blessing because i am an only child, but we have so many family issues. primarily with my mother's family because they've all fallen away from the church. have issues and seem to be jealous of my mom because her life isn't a screwed up mess.
    sometimes you just have to let it go. in the Fulton Sheen book i am reading, he says, when really difficult things like that happen, we just say: we'll leave that one to God. because only He knows what's best.
    as human beings, we don't have the capacity to judge others.
    so we pray for them.
    wish them well.
    and leave the rest to God.
    take care sweetie.
    don't trouble yourself anymore.
    ask God to give you HIS peace now and always.

  9. ps. and so sorry about your aunt.
    eternal rest.....
    didn't mean to leave that out of my long-winded-preachy comment.

  10. You know, it's interesting that you mention this. When you wrote about your aunt's passing, almost instantly I thought of your parents and the hurt you have felt since their departure from the Church. And I wondered how all of that would go with your aunt's funeral. And I've prayed for you. Just had to let you know that someone was praying for you beforehand! :)

  11. It was good seeing you last night and you also shared with us from your heart this hurt and pain.

    It is so hard because they are your parents.

    Thinking of you and sending prayers and big big (((HUGS)))

  12. That's a really big step for them to come to the funeral. Sometimes the people who go to SSPX take things to extremes, beyond what their priests would recommend.

    Recently on NPR there was an interview with an author whose parents had always been active in the communist party and what it was like to grow up with parents who thought they were standing up for a worthy cause, waiting for a revolution and expecting to be honored when change finally came. It struck me how the SSPX folks are, in many ways, not unlike this author's parents - standing up for a different cause, but the same mentality. Kind of a mental illness in a way.

    You know I know how hard this is for you. Thanks for the reminder to keep praying!

  13. Sis, keep in mind that Our Holy Father Pope Benedict has lifted the 1988 excommunications after the million rosary crusade this year. We are Roman Catholic (and Irish too:-).

    I don't know the full story yet, but I'm sure it was different to see Mom & Dad's different habits at our aunt's funeral. Don't worry, sis. As Sister Teresa of Avila states: "Let nothing disturb thee. Let nothing alarm thee. All things are passing. He who has God has everything. God alone suffices."

    I am happy you are in a step to forgive our family eventually. God gave you Mom, Dad, me, & your brothers. You are sure stuck with us ;)

    How exciting for Rosie's first confession! I hope it went well for her!

  14. Yes, he lifted the excommunication, BUT you are STILL not in union with him, if you were, you and our parents would kneel in a N. Ordo Mass.

    Thank you for the quote, it was beautiful.

  15. Hi Sis,
    The Latin Mass side considers the Novus Ordo Mass a "sacrilege" when the Mass was "changed" in 1968. Therefore, that is probably why our parents didn't kneel at the N. Ordo Mass.

    We want to uphold our Faith, not to see it go up in smoke, which is why Archbishop Marcel Lefebvre fought & upheld the Society to keep the Traditional Mass going.

    After belonging to Tradition for three years now, I have come to the fullness of the Faith. I attended a summer N. Ordo wedding & the mass is "watered down" and leaves me an empty feeling. The people dressed immodestly by off shoulder short outfits. People chatted at mass. You will not see this kind of fashion at Tradition Mass, let me tell you that. Tradition is so rich. The priests will preach about mortal sin, etc.

    We are preserving Catholic Tradition and are praying 7 million rosaries for Pope Benedict to consecrate Russia to the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

    There is a Pope and the council. If a prelate sees that the Faith may be lost by signing documents that may lead to "apostasy" (loss of faith & Tradition). Duty first is to preserve the Faith, not to let it get lost. Vatican II strayed. Encumenism isn't working, it is only leading to more loss of the Catholic Fatih for some people.

    I'm sorry this is so long!! I know what the N. ordo is like, I was raised in it. Our parents raised us in it. I'm so grateful & so happy to have come to the fullness of faith at Tradition. I don't want you to worry so much about the issue. Pray, pray, pray!! I love ya! Have a very blessed Advent!!

    Hugs, your sis :)

  16. Jamie,
    Well I had this wonderful comment all typed out but alas my computer did something to it!!! Here is a little of what I wanted to say. Love your blog, your funny! About your family and the SSPX thing, they are taking it way too far! I know this because we have attended SPPX Masses on and off for 5 years now. We are in Japan now so we have an SSPX priest fly here 3 times a year. With that being said, I will also go to anyone who says the LM except a sede mass. I have no idea why your parents wouldn't kneel at a NO mass, it is still Jesus. I have had many SSPX priests tell me that the NO mass are vaild. We go to the NO mass here on the base, why because it is valid and it is Jesus on the altar. I think your parents are worrying about the little stuff way too much. It sounds like they may have a case of the scruples. This is very bad, I know I have had them myself. You just need to pray for them and have patience. The SSPX will be in full communion with Rome soon ( i hope) but until then have chairity which is lacking with a lot of SSPX members( I have had sspx priests tell me this and have seen it personally)You would be surprised at how far chairity will go, it can work miracles! I will pray for you and your family!

  17. dr jekyll, I mean Jaime, first of all grow up, second of all, every one of you people on this ridiculous site are all holier than thou hyprocrats. If you really want to be a saint than you would FORGIVE and forget and stop bitching about your family to your cyber buddies, I'm sure they are sick of it and really don't care.(by the way what is there to even forgive???? what did they do to you?) NOTHING. so get down from your high horse get over yourself.

    I know that this comment will just bounce off your unrefined brain and make you more angry and lash out for prayers from like-minded blog losers, but just maybe you will take the time to at least read this whole thing and a lightbulb will go off in your head. Good luck cause you're gonna need it!

    p.s. you are really lucky to have the parents you have. I hope you can relize that before it's too late

    Jordan Reichle

  18. Jordan,

    When ever there is a disagreement about anything, I always tell myself that there are two sides to this. We all have heard one side.

    From what I have read on here, Jamie is trying to forgive her parents. She is still very hurt too. I am not sick of hearing about and I certainly do care when a friend is hurting.

    The rest of your post is so lacking in charity and rude that I am not going to even waste my time addressing it.

  19. Dear Jordan Reichle,

    This is Sarah (Anderl) Grant speaking. Remember me? You know, the one who watched you grow up serving the beautiful Tridentine Mass at St. Mary's Cathedral in St. Cloud? How much you have changed since those days...

    I am saddened beyond mere words that you would take such a foul tongue with your sister. Christ teaches love and compassion, not belittling and name calling. Even when we don't agree with one another. Especially then.

    Please get to confession as soon as you can, as the Sacraments are the ONLY way back to the pure heart and soul that I saw in you as a young boy. It was SUCH a joy to watch you and the Hansen boys serving Mass with such love and reverence.

    Have a Blessed Advent and keep in mind how Humble He is.

    Sincerely your Sister in Christ,
    Sarah Noelle Anderl Grant


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