Monday, November 21, 2011

Something is wrong

I had another Level 2 Ultrasound today to check the baby's progress and growth.
Our baby is about 4 lbs 8 oz right now,
(give or take a 1/2 pound) 
yes, I have 6 weeks left and
 yes, I have good sized babies!

Remember when I mentioned something about the kidneys?

and a few weeks later, 
the kidneys were supposedly not an issue anymore?

Well, they are an issue.

The baby's left kidney
(the doctor drew it backward, it's actually the baby's LEFT kidney, but the drawing helps to understand)
The left kidney is not working properly, it's not flushing out the urine down the ureter.
A normal kidney, the right kidney, is supposed to have those pyramid things in it and no blockage.
The left kidney is enlarged, and kind of jumbled up.
B is for Blatter.
The baby has Hydronephrosis and hydroureter 
(not that I can pronounce those)
Which means another surgery.
They don't know when, maybe at the same time as the cleft lip surgery around 3 months,
maybe sooner.
When the baby is born, they will need to take x-rays and do an ultrasound to figure out the extent of it.
The baby will need to be put on antibiotics immediately also.
(bye bye immune system, right?)


The doctor is telling me "This is not life threatening, your baby is thriving and vigorous, this is fixable"

As I'm walking out, I'm feeling so torn, 
my baby is healthy?
Well, I suppose in a medical way, it's all fixable.
But
In a mother's way, something is wrong with my baby.

I also have low fluid again.
This happened with Jedi,
 (my water broke early, so actually, I had no fluid, but your body keeps producing it daily)
Then, with Sweetie Pie,
 they took her 4 days earlier than the 38 week c-section, because of low fluid

Wish they could take some of the fluid out of my legs and feet and put in there.

We will have to meet with a Pediatric Urologist,
 not sure if it will be before or after the baby is born 
I have 3 appts tomorrow, so I'll hopefully know more tomorrow.
like, if I'll need to deliver in the Twin cities....
We live about 90 miles from there.
OH, I hope not, it would be so hard on the kiddos,
They wouldn't get to see me every day 
C-sections are 4 days in the hospital.
My poor 2 year old, she'll miss her mama
(and her mama will miss her!)


I asked what causes this.
She said they don't know, it just happens and is quite common.


I told God, after the 2nd round of Lice
That I can't take any more
That this is enough.

He knows me better.
He knows what I can take, even if I don't think I can, 
Even if I don't want to.
Because actually, I know I can take a lot 
That kind of scares me and yet it doesn't
I trust Him.
I know whatever happens, is God's will 
and I accept His will.


I need to run to Jesus in Adoration 
and cry
and pray
and give it all to Him
My husband knows this and is home early to let me do so.

49 comments:

  1. Praying for you and your precious baby!

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  2. Oh gosh, Jamie, as I read your words I want to cry with you. We mamas just want our kids to be happy and healthy and not need medical intervention.

    That said, I have a dear friend in MN who had her son about a year ago and had pretty significant kidney problems and ended up not needing any treatment at all. So I pray the same for your little dear one.

    xoxoxoxo

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  3. This is my first time commenting, I jumped over from Beth's blog. In regards to the 4 day stay, is that mandatory? I have had two c-sections now and went home after two days. The only requirement was going to the bathroom on your own and passing gas. It was especially important for me to leave quickly after my third was born because I had two little ones as home.

    I'm sorry to hear about your baby's kidneys but at least it is not fatal and something the doctors feel quite confident they can fix.

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  4. I teared up at the end that your husband came home early so you can get to Jesus. That is so wonderful, such a blessing.

    I will pray for you & baby at my Holy Hour tonight.

    Tina

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  5. Prayers for you and baby! You're right, so hard for a mom just to accept that her baby is not healthy in one way or the other. Glad to hear you are keeping it in God's hands and letting grace lead you through this difficult time!

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  6. I don't even know what to say. It certainly puts the lice situation in perspective. On one hand at least it's "fixable" but on the other, what mother wants this for their child? God bless you, and what a wonderful husband to come home early for you. Always in my prayers.

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  7. I'm so sorry, Jamie. Us mothers have a cross that is unique to only us to carry.

    I will pray for your baby, and pray for you too. You and your baby will be ok. I know it's difficult to see it this way but remember it's not life threatening and thankfully it is fixable. I know it's a lot to take though.

    Your husband is so sweet to come home early so that you can go to adoration. What a great guy.

    Keeping you in thoughts and prayers!

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  8. Jamie, you know I am praying for you al and so is my family. When everything happened with Daisy I remember feeling like, ok, can this get any worse? Come on God, how much more can I take? The little things seemed to pile up and I couldn't imagine how I was going to handle it all and how was I ever going to be strong enough for Daisy? Because the LAST thing I wanted her for her was to be scared.
    Even when we feel like there is no way we can do it, we do. Jesus is there helping us carry our cross. Hubby and I had a long talk once about why this was happening... did I tell you that my husband's brother died the day Daisy went in for her first surgery, the one that failed? I told him that what is happening to us might have nothing to really do with us. That God's plan is not always revealed to us. That maybe one of the nurses that was helping Daisy will be so inspired by her that she might go on to become a doctor and save someone's life one day. Of the surgeon who operated on Daisy might, because of this surgery, discover a new and easier way to heal the same problem Daisy has.
    Remember that no matter what, good is going to come out of all we suffer. We may never see it, but just as you said, trust in Him. He knows. And when you don't think you can handle just one more thing, stop and think about that in Gods great plan your baby might actually because of her struggles might actually save others or bring others to Christ.
    You are a strong woman and don't forget that there are so many of us also standing behind you, praying and doing al we can to help you through this time.
    Sending so much love to you and your family. Continue to trust in God's divine plan.

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  9. (((((((((JAMIE)))))))))!
    I am praying for you and the baby and your family. I hate that you are having to go through this. That just makes this baby an even more special blessing. Sending more higs and prayers your way~

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  10. I know I have nothing to say to make it better, so just know you have my prayers

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  11. One more thing, Jamie.

    When my oldest was only 3 weeks old, he had to have surgery because he developed pyloric stenosis (a blockage in the stomach). This is something that can just develop out of nowhere around that 3 week age, so we didn't know about it when he was in utero. He was throwing up constantly, he wouldn't keep anything down and then would scream and scream for hours because the vomit was burning his esophagus.

    Then he had surgery the next day, and I had to not feed him all that night or morning. I was for once, thankful that I had not been able to breastfeed him, as that would have been an added cross, to hold him and not be able to feed him. All I could do was hold his pacifier in his mouth, and he was too weak to cry out of hunger but just sucked that thing like it would somehow give him food.

    When he finally came out of surgery the next morning, I had to wait 3 more hours to feed him and then only 1 ounce at a time. By this time, he became very hungry again and began to cry because of hunger pain (and surgical pain.) I thought we had it so bad until I realized we were rooming with a little 5 month old baby who was scheduled for surgery for heart surgery. He wasn't even able to have his parents there. This was his second surgery and he had more to go (found this out later from his mother.) I then realized how lucky we were, that our pain was over, that Max was going to recover, and that he would be able to eat again.

    Just try to keep things in perspective. I know it's so painful, I know that you know it's fixable but you hurt for your baby. And I don't mean to take anything away from you by my story. you have every right to cry!
    Just try to remember too, that God is in control, that your baby will be okay, and best of all, that you know of this ahead of time and there is time to pray for strength.

    Prayers~

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  12. Jamie,

    My heart goes out to you - how steep a hill to climb! - but you can climb this one, you know...or He wouldn't have put it under your feet!

    You're in my prayers,

    LuAnne

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  13. Praying for you as your heart goes out to Christ in Adoration. He is there for you as we all are praying and keeping you in our thoughts. You are so loved by Tom, your kiddos, all your bloggy friends ( you have a lot you lucky girlfriend!) and Our mother in heaven.

    Stay strong. I am happy to hear the dr. can fix the problem. Hang in there so we can all see this little stinker who has caused so much worry. hugs big big hugs.

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  14. Oh, I am so sorry for the pain of it! Praise God it's fixable, and I will keep you in my prayers. You are a strong mama for your sweet baby.

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  15. Oh dear. What a tough day for two of my best bloggy buddies. Just read Colleen's post and now yours. I hope that your visit with Jesus brought you some comfort and extra grace. He sure has a lot of confidence in you as a faithful and grace-filled woman, entrusting you with so much and laying so many things on you.

    I will keep offering prayers for you and baby. Know that so many of us are surrounding you with hugs and prayers, dear Jamie!

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  16. Ohhhhhh Jamie. So happy It's fixable! But so sorry you have to go through something else. I think this kid is destined for sainthood! Did I ever tell you the monk who wrote the Hail Holy Queen had a cleft palate and several other problems? Saying that prayer has new meaning for me now.

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  17. Oh Jamie~I hope you made it to Adoration for a good dose of peace. We are beefing up our prayers for you right here and now! Sending you a great big Mama hug for all it's worth. Though we know that God has His plan, sometimes it's a shocker to deal with...We are human. I know you will run to the arms of Mama Mary and there you will find refuge. God's grace and love be with you:)

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  18. I know deep down that everything will be just fine with you and your precious little one but I really feel for you Jamie. I can only imagine what must going through that pretty head of yours with all that is happening. Your hubby is great helping you to have the special time you need with the Lord. I listened to the complete CD tonight on my way home and it is much clearer now and I can see why it so popular as a way to stay close to the Lord. Hang in there girl, we are praying for you and your awesome family.
    Odie

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  19. Oh, hugs Jamie - and prayers! I don't have any experiences or stories to share. Just wishing you and the baby the very best care that doctors and the good God has to offer.

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  20. Jamie,

    I don't even know what to say. I am praying for you and your sweet little one every day. On Friday, the kids offered our rosary for you and the baby. You are such a strong person and you know where to run when you need comfort, and you have a wonderful husband who gave you the time with our Savior.
    Sending many hugs your way!

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  21. PRAYING in AZ for you and your baby! I don't know what else to say, sorry that you are having to deal with this. It stinks just reading about it, I can only imagine how you feel. With that said, you are handling it perfectly by giving it all to Jesus. You are carrying your cross like a beautiful woman...gracefully. God Bless you!!

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  22. Praying for you and baby. I know that feeling of the medical community saying, "This is not a big deal." And the momma feeling of, yes, it is a big deal!! I think they get a bit desensitized because of the things they see that are BIG deals.

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  23. Keeping you and baby in prayer, Jamie. I know you feel you've had more than your share of hardship, and you have, but know that your suffering is not for naught.

    As Our Lord told Saint Faustina; "If the angels were capable of envy, they would envy us for two things: one is the receiving of Holy Communion, and the other is suffering." (p.1805)

    Your suffering brings grace. And the prayers of your friends bring grace -- a double gift!

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  24. Oh, my gosh, your support is overwhelming and much appreciated!!

    God bless all of you.

    Tridentine Wife- yes, I think it is mandatory here in MN, and believe me, by that 4th day, I'm dressed and ready early waiting for that release!! It might have to do something with my type one diabetes, the first night they wake me every hour to get blood sugars and then the 2nd night they wake me every 2 hours, then on the 3rd and final night, they pretty much leave me alone! Thanks for stopping and commenting!

    Becky, I loved your story. Thank you so much.

    Amy, you wrote exactly what I feel, all the millions of little things....like how will I school with all these surgeries (and stresses of feeding and tubes for kidneys, etc...) Will I end up on bedrest because of this low fluid thing? Thank you so much...

    Beth--I'll never pray the Hail Holy Queen the same again!! Thank you for that information!!

    Thank you all, I can't answer each one of you, wish I could...I have laundry to do!!!

    Please know you are all in my prayers!

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  25. Oh, Jenny--Thank you for you and your children's beautiful prayers, they are so powerful!!

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  26. Oh, Jamie. My heart sank as I read your post. My dear, sweet friend. I'm holding you and your little one up in prayer daily. I wish I could do more. I wish I lived closer to give you a real hug. Thank the Lord it is fixable, but my mommy heart understands your worry and pain. God is good, though, and He will see you and your family through this I know. What a blessing to have a husband that understands you so well and is there for you. We're all here for you, too. Even if just in our small way. God bless you.

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  27. Oh, Jamie!

    We always want things to be perfect for our babies. Like when people say they want their babies to be healthy, but for someone who is having problems trying to conceive - they just want a baby. It's all a matter of perspective and from what I've learned of you, I think you and your family have an excellent perspective.

    You will make it through these increasing burdens. God doesn't give us a choice but to pick ourselves up and keep crawling forward.

    As for schooling, girl, you gotta give it what you can and make what you can of it. Maybe add some Latin, so you can all figure out what the Drs are talking about, or add a different route in science because of what is happening. Turn social studies into how people treat others that aren't "normal." You can spin it however you need. Your kids won't suffer if they don't learn that 5 x 5 = 25, at this exact moment or that red + blue = purple.

    Taking care of you takes care of baby and the kids. Just think about your beautiful family, your wonderful husband, take care of that miracle baby, and Jesus will help you take care of it all.

    God Bless!

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  28. Leila from Little Catholic Bubble sent me over. We are also awaiting a baby with a special condition (club feet)- also not fatal, completely fixable, but scary nonetheless. Of course I am grateful it's nothing more serious, but I sure wish I could offer my baby a more "normal" babyhood. I will be thinking of you and your special little one these next few weeks as you approach your delivery date.

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  29. Praying, praying, praying, and offering up this busy week for you and yours. So sorry, Jamie.

    This was in the Magnificat the other day:

    "Once St. Anthony of the Desert was caught in a prolonged, painful struggle with his own inner demons. When it was over, he asked the Lord, 'Where were you?' Christ answered, 'I was right here with you all along, Anthony.; Christ suffers in and with those who suffer and he asks his followers to do the same. Compassion never stands at arms length."

    I wish I had some kind of life experience to draw upon and give you hope, but all I can do is offer you my prayers. And maybe a good laugh? Look at the pic here: http://epistleofjim.blogspot.com/2010/09/footprints-in-sand-meets-star-wars.html

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  30. Oh Jamie, I'm sorry to hear about your baby's kidneys. You were right to go and pray before the blessed sacrament. I will pray for healing for your little one and the strength for you to endure the waiting. God bless!

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  31. Thank you again, everyone!!

    Traci--your words are true about school...I'm just a picky perfectionist, it's hard to let go of the concreteness of books and curriculums....We are a month ahead right now....that month will go very quickly come January!! Thank you so much for your kind words!

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  32. Oh Jamie! You and your precious little one remain in our prayers!!

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  33. Words fail...and so many good ones have been said.

    You have my tears. You have my prayers. You have my love and sorrow for the cross you are carrying, but I know that God brings good from all things.

    May you feel His nearness and comfort in adoration and always!

    xo

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  34. Dear Jamie...I just had to respond to your concerns! Seventeen years ago, a routine ultrasound, the same one that revealed that my fourth child would be my first son, my doctor saw an abnormality on the baby's right kidney. From the 18th week on I was under the care of a perinatologist. We watched Zachary's kidney grow larger and larger, crowding other organs...then we watched the level of amniotic fluid drop precipitously. An early delivery and baby was whisked away to the ultrasound to check his kidneys. Once out of the womb, he began voiding normally, but was referred to a pediatric urologist where it was determined that he had severe (grade 5) vesicureteral reflux and would require prophylactic antibiotics to avoid serious infection. We did this for months, waiting for the day that Zachary would need surgery. I spent a good deal of time worrying, as any momma would, and finally took Zachary to be anointed by our priest...praying that he would be healed. Long story short: he was healed. No surgery and this 17 year old boy is the healthiest of all my nine children. Another dear friend of mine had the exact same situation during her pregnancy nearly three years ago...there was no miraculous instantaneous healing, but her little guy's problem, though initially diagnosed as sever and requiring surgery, resolved itself, as well. He's a happy, healthy three year old. I remember the anxiety, my dear, of those days of fear as I awaited the delivery of my baby boy. Reclaim your joy...God loves you and your precious baby. All will be well...you are assured my daily prayers and I'll remember you at our weekly Adoration visits, too. Peace and joy as you approach the season of Wait....

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  35. We have a Nest video called The Miracles of Jesus. In it, Jesus crouches down and looks a little paralyzed boy, David, in the eye and says, "You have great faith."

    And then He heals him.

    I am reminded of this scene in reading your posts, Jamie. No matter what, no matter how heavy your cross, you say, "Lord, I don't why but I'm going to trust." You have great faith, Jamie--more than many of us--and perhaps that is why He is using you in this way.

    One day we'll know. We'll know the reason behind every cross and we'll say, "Of course! Now I see. Now I understand." One day, our faith and hope will no longer be necessary. The only thing remaining will be love.

    I love you, dear. This little child of yours is blessing you--and us--so very much.

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  36. My prayers are joining those of everyone else's for the baby, your family and you. We will storm heaven with our prayers and trust in God's stregth.

    Like so many of the commentors here who share the crosses of pregnancy worries, I had my own with my, now, 10 year son. All these fancy words from the doctors. Words I couldn't pronounce or spell. I like your teaching aide! It's a scary thing to be a parent and scarier still to know your babe within your womb may be in trouble. I know your scares all too well.

    But we trust in God and know we CAN handle it..because He strengths us that may be weak. And I don't mean weak in any sort of small way. Mommies are SO NOT weak.

    So God bless you Jamie! Wrap yourself within our Blessed Mother's veil. And soak up the support you have within your readers and loved ones.

    Besos!

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  37. Sending you a huuuuuuge hug! My Lo was born with only one kidney and he is a tough little squirrel! It's tough when things get thrown at you and you feel like you are at your breaking point. Know that you have hundreds of people praying for you and your baby!!!Sending you hugs!!

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  38. Praying for you and baby...I think about you so often. Praise be to God that you live in a place where your precious baby will get the surgeries needed. Even so, I know how daunting it can be...
    God bless.

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  39. Praying for you and your sweet little one! You and your baby are in GOD'S hands! May HE give you comfort and peace; may you feel HIM loving, caring for and protecting you at every.moment of everyday! GOD bless you, Jamie!

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  40. Dear Jamie,
    Praying for you, your baby and the rest of the family.
    Yes God only gives us what we cna handle but boy sometimes I wish he thought less of me.
    SO with you on this, continued prayers for you
    Blessings
    Gae

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  41. I came here via Shower of Roses, first time. I remember so well the days of finding out something was wrong with our little guy. It felt as if the world was crumbling, but you know what? Life goes on and here I am 3 years later with a totally awesome son. He made it through the first 3 difficult months of failure to thrive and heart failure. Now his heart has been repaired and he is a rambunctious 3 year old waiting for his next sibling to be born in just 2 weeks. Faith is a trusting that God will take care of all things. And in his time, he always does. Good luck with your little one.

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  42. Prayers for you and your sweet baby!!

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  43. Oh!!! Praying and praying and praying.

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  44. Thank you all so much for your prayers!

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  45. Your post is beautiful--full of worry but more so of hope and faith! We will keep you and your family in our prayers. I have confidence in that you will perservere and come out stronger on the other side! God be with you!

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  46. We are going through a medical situation with our 2yo and your line about the doctors saying it's fixable vs. mom knowing something is wrong with her baby really hit home for me. Your faith and wisdom about knowing you are strong enough to take whatever comes your way is inspiring. Prayers for you and your precious baby!

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  47. I'm so sorry, Jamie. I will continue to keep you and your precious baby in my daily prayers!!!

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