Mine are both gone but Linda has trouble with her mother all the time so no you are not alone. Have been enjoying your posts on FB a lot lately. Hugs Odie & Linda
Oh, Sorry for Linda, and you too, because you have to listen to it, I'm sure! I know Tom knows whenever my mom comes, I'm in a bad mood afterward. (so he says!)
For the most part I get along with my mom. Mostly because she is not a huge talker (and rarely gives opinions unless asked) and we don't talk too deep. It's been a long time getting there though. Having kids really moved it along. I used to talk to my dad about anything growing up but he usually drinks too much now that he's argumentative and difficult to talk to so I avoid it if I can. Weird how that goes.
I think I thought once I had kids the relationship between my mom and myself would get better, it has only gotten worse. I don't mother like her. It's not bad, it just is what is is. I'm a different person. Alcoholism is hard on everyone. So sorry for you.
No. Well my parents are fine. Husbands father is a different story. Not just me either. Husband and his dad could not be more different. Crazy drama ensues.
OH, gosh Melody--((((hugs))) so hard. It's been going on for so long in my family I can't imagine it any other way. There comes a point where there is no return.
I think a big part of why my mom and I sometimes have our struggles with each other is because I do most things different than the way she did them or does them.
Oh, my gosh, that is exactly it between my mom and me. She will see something I'm doing and immediately say, "I didn't do that because..." We are different people. That's life. I tell my kids that, if they do things differently, I will be happy. It will probably be better!
No. If I had time... the stories I could tell. Just can't blog about it, because of family members who read the blog and I don't want to hurt my mom, but oh.gosh... No is the long and the short of it.
Oh, gosh, Marijanna, same here. I have to be vague. I've already said too much, they don't read my blog unless it's something bad, then someone tells them and then I hear about it.
No. I wasn't close to my Dad. He was a good provider and took us kids to a lot of places when we were younger, but he was an alcoholic. He also favored my younger sister. I am very close to my Mom though. Jaime, I am so sorry! I will pray for you and your parents! I know it must be difficult at times. My heart goes out to you - you are so sweet and such a wonderful Mama to your children! Much love and hugs to my sweet friend!
Thanks Maria Therese! I'm sorry about your father. I'm not innocent here, I argue with them. I try to hold it in for a long time, then I just can't stop myself. They are the only ones in life I struggle with.
I'm glad you have that good relationship now Shelly. I think that by this time in life, you'd think they would want to change...I try to change, really I try. I try to not argue, but I hold it in for so long, then, give in to my will and argue. It's not pretty. My parents play the victims, it's everyone else, never them that are wrong. I also was thinking this morning that growing up and even now, they are "religious" people, making sure to get all their prayers in per day but we never heard about God's goodness, His LOVE. It's not all about judgement. Yes, God is just, He will judge. But I'm leaving it to Him. Which is ironic to say, because I guess I judge my parents for being that way. But it bugs me sooooo much. I just can't stand negativity. When I go to their house, I can feel that negativity well up inside, it's an icky feeling I get just being there....I can't wait to go home and be myself. I don't like who I often become while there. It's like I sometimes fall right back into the way I grew up....
That "change" thing....I forgot to add that I've told my mom that if/when I have problems (she tells me to just wait til I have these problems with my kids) that I will ask my kids "What can I do to make this better?" She's never asked, and I've told her this years ago....Not that now, I would even be able to tell her what...There's just so much....
Oh, ((((hugs))) right back Tracy!! I hope there are new trees. I hope the next generation is better.
I pray often about this....
My daughter's birthday is almost always around the conference and it's just so hard and I don't want to spend any money and I miss my family and and and ......Glad you had got to go though!
I know you have struggles Christine, but you never give in to your strong will, and argue!! I lose my patience, argue, get so frustrated....oh it causes me to sin so much.....
I'm not a poor friend....You listen to my crap too.
Nope! I love my parents but we don’t get along all that well at times. I mostly keep my mouth shut a lot. It’s even harder now b/c due to DH’s job loss we had nowhere else to go so we’re now in their basement. UGH. Honestly I feel like I’m 15 again the way things are between us. I hate it. They’re Christian but are VERY anti- Catholic, so yeah, that’s fun too. Sometimes I go so far as to keep our son out of their way b/c their attitude/ negativity/ etc. is so bad I don’t want anything rubbing off on him!
I tell my husband once we move out (please God, let it be this year!) I’d be okay if we only saw them around the holidays.. if that, at least for a while.
My sisters are all friends with mom but for some reason we are not at that place.. honestly I don’t think we ever will be and sometimes I’m okay with that.
Oh, Jessica, how hard it must be living where you are right now. counting down the days, I'm sure! I feel the same way with our children, I don't want them around my parents because of the negativity, and so much more. We only see my parents on birthdays and holidays...my daughter's birthday was Sat...so we saw her. I actually dread the holidays because of the obligation of having to see them. Either way is bad though, seeing them or not seeing them. When there is time (lots of time) between seeing them, it helps to be more general...keep the visit short.
The hard part, I think, is it will never be good. It's like it gets to a point where it is what it is. Obviously, we love them, that's why it hurts so much.
Thank you for your kind words. I was on auto pilot and made a mistake! My husband does have a job (kinda) - my brother in law hired him last May (after not working for 3 years) but after 2 months he was severely hurt on the job so he hasn't been able to work for the past 10 months - hence my thinking of him as unemployed still! Right now it's looking like he'll need back surgery - thank God for workman's comp (even though I loath them right now!) b/c we don't have insurance.
Yet another things for my parents to get involved with *sigh* "When will he go back to work? Have you heard from the Dr. yet? What did they say? Why don't you get a job? etc..."
Thank you for this post! It's so encouraging to know I'm not alone!!
No, I love my parents very much, and we see each other a lot, but we are very different. Sometimes I also think my mom had a much different life planned for me than what I have (my life is great by the way, just not what she thought I would do). Sometimes it hurts very much. I am trying to do a better job with my children. I am send you hugs.
Staydeak--what is that, is that a jealously thing? Same thing with my mom. I always feel with my dad, I'm never good enough. Maybe I am. I know I am, but I feel like I'm not for him. They think I should do everything they do, anything different is just not "normal". Which is not true, it's just different.
I'm so glad you mentioned this! I sometimes think I'm the only one - spent all of lent this year trying to forgive my mom . . . Will probably have to do the same next year! I'm blessed to have had the most loving, understanding, nurturing father ever. (I'm in my 70's, mom died years ago but I still struggle. I DO know that consciously trying to be different from her made me a better mother.)
Oh, Irish Gram, I will pray you find that forgiveness you are seeking. Easy to say "Give it to God", not so easy to do always. I didn't admit it for years that I do the opposite of my mother, on purpose, but these past few years, I think I actually do. Not that my mom was a bad mom, she was a loving mother. That's not what this is about, I'm just different. (my way is better of course--haha)
Jamie, I just saw your comment about your dad to Staydeak. The "not good enough" comment. Oh, I understand this! I sadly spent all of my life, feeling like I wasn't good enough for my Dad; feeling like he didn't like me. I just didn't understand him and he didn't understand me!
But as he was dying (the day before he died), God gave me an amazing grace--he gave me the grace to forgive him for all those times he hurt me. And in turn, I also asked him to forgive me for everything I did to hurt him. I also realized, that as a child, it's easy to misinterpret things or misunderstand things about your parents and to continue to grow up misunderstanding those things as an adult. We told each other we forgave each other and said "I love you" for the first time in years. The next day he died, and my tears were with bitter-sweetness that I could reconcile w/ him as I needed this.
Now we have a great relationship--he understands me perfectly because he's now perfect and holy; he helps me to understand myself too. I also have been recieving light in the ways that I misunderstood him all those years--and realized he was actually a much more loving Dad than I gave him credit for.
I definitely feel your pain--hope you guys can reconcile soon.
No dear! You are not alone. When it comes to "getting along", I don't think I am a daughter good enough. I know my parents love me a lot. But they treat me like a child. I mean I am 24 but they are so so worried about me all the time. There is a huge difference in our perception towards life, things, work, everything..and they disagree with mine ALL THE TIME. May be it's the generation gap I guess. It kind of smothers me. It has turned me into a rebel. So, no you are not the only one.
Depends on what you mean by "get along". And it depends on what's being discussed or planned. {{hug}} ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, you name it. (((hugs right back)))
DeleteMine are both gone but Linda has trouble with her mother all the time so no you are not alone. Have been enjoying your posts on FB a lot lately.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Odie & Linda
Oh, Sorry for Linda, and you too, because you have to listen to it, I'm sure! I know Tom knows whenever my mom comes, I'm in a bad mood afterward. (so he says!)
DeleteHugs right back Odie and Linda!
For the most part I get along with my mom. Mostly because she is not a huge talker (and rarely gives opinions unless asked) and we don't talk too deep. It's been a long time getting there though. Having kids really moved it along. I used to talk to my dad about anything growing up but he usually drinks too much now that he's argumentative and difficult to talk to so I avoid it if I can. Weird how that goes.
ReplyDeleteI think I thought once I had kids the relationship between my mom and myself would get better, it has only gotten worse. I don't mother like her. It's not bad, it just is what is is. I'm a different person. Alcoholism is hard on everyone. So sorry for you.
DeleteNo. Well my parents are fine. Husbands father is a different story. Not just me either. Husband and his dad could not be more different. Crazy drama ensues.
ReplyDeleteIt is crazy drama. Some people just thrive on drama don't they?
DeleteNope!
ReplyDeleteGood. I guess. Well, it's not good...but you know what I mean.
DeleteNope. You might be scandalized if you knew the details. One is fine. The other... completely estranged. a deep source of grief.
ReplyDeleteOH, gosh Melody--((((hugs))) so hard. It's been going on for so long in my family I can't imagine it any other way. There comes a point where there is no return.
DeleteI think a big part of why my mom and I sometimes have our struggles with each other is because I do most things different than the way she did them or does them.
ReplyDeleteOh, my gosh, that is exactly it between my mom and me. She will see something I'm doing and immediately say, "I didn't do that because..." We are different people. That's life. I tell my kids that, if they do things differently, I will be happy. It will probably be better!
DeleteNo. If I had time... the stories I could tell. Just can't blog about it, because of family members who read the blog and I don't want to hurt my mom, but oh.gosh... No is the long and the short of it.
ReplyDeleteOh, gosh, Marijanna, same here. I have to be vague. I've already said too much, they don't read my blog unless it's something bad, then someone tells them and then I hear about it.
Delete
ReplyDeleteNo. I wasn't close to my Dad. He was a good provider and took us kids to a lot of places when we were younger, but he was an alcoholic. He also favored my younger sister. I am very close to my Mom though. Jaime, I am so sorry! I will pray for you and your parents! I know it must be difficult at times. My heart goes out to you - you are so sweet and such a wonderful Mama to your children! Much love and hugs to my sweet friend!
Thanks Maria Therese! I'm sorry about your father. I'm not innocent here, I argue with them. I try to hold it in for a long time, then I just can't stop myself. They are the only ones in life I struggle with.
DeleteI didn't at all when I was a teen, but it's great now.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're having to deal with that- it's never too late for them to change, though.
I'm glad you have that good relationship now Shelly. I think that by this time in life, you'd think they would want to change...I try to change, really I try. I try to not argue, but I hold it in for so long, then, give in to my will and argue. It's not pretty. My parents play the victims, it's everyone else, never them that are wrong. I also was thinking this morning that growing up and even now, they are "religious" people, making sure to get all their prayers in per day but we never heard about God's goodness, His LOVE. It's not all about judgement. Yes, God is just, He will judge. But I'm leaving it to Him. Which is ironic to say, because I guess I judge my parents for being that way. But it bugs me sooooo much. I just can't stand negativity. When I go to their house, I can feel that negativity well up inside, it's an icky feeling I get just being there....I can't wait to go home and be myself. I don't like who I often become while there. It's like I sometimes fall right back into the way I grew up....
DeleteGosh, I said too much.
That "change" thing....I forgot to add that I've told my mom that if/when I have problems (she tells me to just wait til I have these problems with my kids) that I will ask my kids "What can I do to make this better?" She's never asked, and I've told her this years ago....Not that now, I would even be able to tell her what...There's just so much....
Delete(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou are planting new shade trees under which future generations can rest and seek comfort.
In the meantime, it hurts, so you turn to your heavenly mother, or find a mentor.
More hugs - missed seeing you at MCHEC and hope you can start coming again for the annual get together!
Oh, ((((hugs))) right back Tracy!! I hope there are new trees. I hope the next generation is better.
DeleteI pray often about this....
My daughter's birthday is almost always around the conference and it's just so hard and I don't want to spend any money and I miss my family and and and ......Glad you had got to go though!
You already know what my answer would be.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, I always call you and blab and complain and blab and you always listen to me and give me advice and love me.
here you take on your parents AND my parents. poor friend.
love to you
call me anytime...if it helps.
I know you have struggles Christine, but you never give in to your strong will, and argue!! I lose my patience, argue, get so frustrated....oh it causes me to sin so much.....
DeleteI'm not a poor friend....You listen to my crap too.
Love you too!
Nope! I love my parents but we don’t get along all that well at times. I mostly keep my mouth shut a lot. It’s even harder now b/c due to DH’s job loss we had nowhere else to go so we’re now in their basement. UGH. Honestly I feel like I’m 15 again the way things are between us. I hate it. They’re Christian but are VERY anti- Catholic, so yeah, that’s fun too. Sometimes I go so far as to keep our son out of their way b/c their attitude/ negativity/ etc. is so bad I don’t want anything rubbing off on him!
ReplyDeleteI tell my husband once we move out (please God, let it be this year!) I’d be okay if we only saw them around the holidays.. if that, at least for a while.
My sisters are all friends with mom but for some reason we are not at that place.. honestly I don’t think we ever will be and sometimes I’m okay with that.
Oh, Jessica, how hard it must be living where you are right now. counting down the days, I'm sure! I feel the same way with our children, I don't want them around my parents because of the negativity, and so much more. We only see my parents on birthdays and holidays...my daughter's birthday was Sat...so we saw her. I actually dread the holidays because of the obligation of having to see them. Either way is bad though, seeing them or not seeing them. When there is time (lots of time) between seeing them, it helps to be more general...keep the visit short.
DeleteThe hard part, I think, is it will never be good. It's like it gets to a point where it is what it is. Obviously, we love them, that's why it hurts so much.
Prayers for you and your situation, prayers to St Joseph for a job for your husband!
DeleteThank you for your kind words. I was on auto pilot and made a mistake! My husband does have a job (kinda) - my brother in law hired him last May (after not working for 3 years) but after 2 months he was severely hurt on the job so he hasn't been able to work for the past 10 months - hence my thinking of him as unemployed still! Right now it's looking like he'll need back surgery - thank God for workman's comp (even though I loath them right now!) b/c we don't have insurance.
DeleteYet another things for my parents to get involved with *sigh* "When will he go back to work? Have you heard from the Dr. yet? What did they say? Why don't you get a job? etc..."
Thank you for this post! It's so encouraging to know I'm not alone!!
No, I love my parents very much, and we see each other a lot, but we are very different. Sometimes I also think my mom had a much different life planned for me than what I have (my life is great by the way, just not what she thought I would do). Sometimes it hurts very much. I am trying to do a better job with my children. I am send you hugs.
ReplyDeleteStaydeak--what is that, is that a jealously thing? Same thing with my mom. I always feel with my dad, I'm never good enough. Maybe I am. I know I am, but I feel like I'm not for him. They think I should do everything they do, anything different is just not "normal". Which is not true, it's just different.
DeleteI'm so glad you mentioned this! I sometimes think I'm the only one - spent all of lent this year trying to forgive my mom . . . Will probably have to do the same next year! I'm blessed to have had the most loving, understanding, nurturing father ever. (I'm in my 70's, mom died years ago but I still struggle. I DO know that consciously trying to be different from her made me a better mother.)
ReplyDeleteOh, Irish Gram, I will pray you find that forgiveness you are seeking. Easy to say "Give it to God", not so easy to do always. I didn't admit it for years that I do the opposite of my mother, on purpose, but these past few years, I think I actually do. Not that my mom was a bad mom, she was a loving mother. That's not what this is about, I'm just different. (my way is better of course--haha)
DeleteJamie, I just saw your comment about your dad to Staydeak. The "not good enough" comment. Oh, I understand this! I sadly spent all of my life, feeling like I wasn't good enough for my Dad; feeling like he didn't like me. I just didn't understand him and he didn't understand me!
ReplyDeleteBut as he was dying (the day before he died), God gave me an amazing grace--he gave me the grace to forgive him for all those times he hurt me. And in turn, I also asked him to forgive me for everything I did to hurt him. I also realized, that as a child, it's easy to misinterpret things or misunderstand things about your parents and to continue to grow up misunderstanding those things as an adult. We told each other we forgave each other and said "I love you" for the first time in years. The next day he died, and my tears were with bitter-sweetness that I could reconcile w/ him as I needed this.
Now we have a great relationship--he understands me perfectly because he's now perfect and holy; he helps me to understand myself too. I also have been recieving light in the ways that I misunderstood him all those years--and realized he was actually a much more loving Dad than I gave him credit for.
I definitely feel your pain--hope you guys can reconcile soon.
No dear! You are not alone. When it comes to "getting along", I don't think I am a daughter good enough. I know my parents love me a lot. But they treat me like a child. I mean I am 24 but they are so so worried about me all the time. There is a huge difference in our perception towards life, things, work, everything..and they disagree with mine ALL THE TIME. May be it's the generation gap I guess. It kind of smothers me. It has turned me into a rebel. So, no you are not the only one.
ReplyDelete