Losing a Child

Last week a friends of ours lost their precious 5 year old son. It was sudden and traumatic. I'm sure for my friend, she is thinking even more of what I'm thinking as I type those words, that it's already been more than a week, it's just unbelievable how time keeps moving when your whole world has been shaken and yet frozen in the shock of it all. I think of how everyone is always in such a hurry. Don't you know this precious little boy has died? Can't the world just stop for a little while and see what an amazing life he had? Can't the world stop and see what a precious gift this life of ours is?

"Blessed are those who mourn, they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

As I sit in the chapel Adoring our Lord, crying, Jesus holds me, He reassures me of my blessings and the gifts He's given me. He reminds me there is a time for everything and that He is holding my friend also. 

There is an appointed time for everything,

and a time for every affair under the heavens.

A time to give birth, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to tear down, and a time to build.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away.

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I sit here crying non-stop. I feel what we all feel, deep sorrow for a grieving mother. My heart aches for her, my stomach hurts. I cannot focus my thoughts. I ache for the children as they try to make sense of it all. I remember losing my baby brother at the age of 13 and begging God to take me instead, to make it right. I begged God for at least the next 7 years. I wondered why God took him instead of me for a long time. I pray her children do not feel like this. I ache for the father that protects and loves his family in all things, I pray for him. I pray for her relationship with her husband, that this brings them closer as they mourn together.  

Like you, I am feeling relieved that it didn't happen to me. And I'm feeling guilty for feeling like that.  That I'm so thankful for my own 5 year old boy. I am thankful for the blessings I still have in my children, I hug them a little tighter today, I watch them a little closer and quieter. I listen to them a little better and make sure they know I love them. I want to breathe them in and savor every moment. 

I wonder if my child, my happiness, will remind her of what she's lost. It will. Everything will.

And my heart aches again. I wonder if she can sleep. I wonder if her love of fall will become only sadness and dread each year now. I wonder if she will ever feel "normal" again. I wonder if she can get up today. Can she live again? Can she go on? She has no choice. She has to. She knows He lives and so her son lives also. My mind wanders to her having to do laundry and folding his clothes, about her passing his clothes down to the next child. I think of how every day from this day forward she will be missing him until that day she meets him again in the Arms of our Heavenly Father. 

When a mother loses her child, the unimaginable becomes a reality and we may not truly understand unless we've also lost a child, but are connected by our sorrow and by our faith in Heaven. 

For now, all I can give her is my prayers, my tears, my silence for lack of any comforting words. And the aching sorrow deep in my heart.

If you'd like to help this family out in any way, especially your prayers, here's more information:

Go HERE

Sweet St Eddie, Pray for us!

Please Help if You Can!

 This is my friend Karla, and her family.

(her husband Ted, children Max, Cheyenne and Josy)

 

I met her many years when we started homeschooling.

She's a spitfire, full of energy, compassion and most important LOVE!

 

Her and her family are on a fast track adoption process

to adopt 2 brothers from China.

 

The boys are ages 13 and 10.

They first lost their mother in a car accident and then soon after lost their father

who died from heart failure. (This just happened 2 1/2 years ago)

 

The adoption is fast tracked because the 13 year old will

be "aged out" of the system in less than a month, when he turns 14.

That means he will be separated from his little brother and only family he has.

He will never be able to be adopted.

He will never have the chance to have a forever family after that.

 

Aren't they cute?

Oh, the pain they've been through, breaks my heart.

Look into their eyes.
So much tragedy in their short years. 

Look at him, he's just a kid. 

He's only 13.  Even in a few weeks when he turns 14, he'll still be just a kid.

I have a child almost 14. 

I cannot imagine her on her own, with no one to love her.

With no family.

Can you?

 

He's just a kid!

 

 

 

First, I'm going to ask you to please pray for this family, pray for these boys.

Prayer is powerful!

 

 

I truly believe that God picked these boys for my friend Karla and her family

from the beginning of time.

He knew they would love them and do whatever it took to get them the help

they need and He knew they would LOVE them.

All children of the world are God's children.

All need to be loved and to have a family.

 

 

2nd, if there is any way you could donate money to my friend to help bring their boys home.

 I know my friend and her family would be eternally grateful and never forget you in their prayers.

 

Let's help there be "Two Less Orphans" in the world.

 

 

 

Their Go Fund Me page is

HERE

 

Banks do not give loans for adopting parents.

They need a lot more money if this is going to happen.

 

Karla's blog about the adoption is

HERE

 

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and

 hopefully, pray for this family.

(and donate if you feel moved to do so)

 

God bless you.

I hope to update with GOOD news in a couple short weeks!



Update Thank You

Thank you so very much for your beautiful prayers and comments!

Simeon did fine.

It was about an hour surgery

and about 2-3 hours in the recovery area.

 

It was odd and so very nice at the same time to actually

go home on the same day!

His eyes are very sensitive and draining a little blood

as is his nose, as the doctor sutured the stents into his nose.

 

So he did need to have the stents put in.

Eventually his eyes will not be watery all the time.

(when the stents come out within a year)

 

Prayers for all who prayed for my sweet boy, thank you!

 

 

 

 

Please Pray for Simeon!

Tuesday, sweet little Simeon will have another surgery.

This time it's considered minor, but I'm the mama,

and I say surgery is never "minor"!

 

He's had clogged tear ducts since birth.

He's having a nasolacrimal duct surgery to unclog his tear ducts.

He may need stents placed, which would mean an on the table decision

to drill through the bone.

 

I am praying specifically for a little miracle

(nothing is little with miracles either is it?)

Praying that he won't need the stents put in and he has a quick recovery
with no more red, watery eyes!

 

 

Thank you so very much for any prayers!



Suffering

I'm not really the right person to write about suffering,

because I'm terrible at it.

I should be good at it by now, but I'm just not.

This above picture of Jesus really hit me this past week.

To follow Jesus, like we all want to,

literally means to pick up our own cross, like Jesus!

You know, to "follow Him"?

Like follow the leader and do all He does.

 

I know there is joy to be found in suffering.

I have  not found that joy yet.
I know that joy will come.
Maybe it comes when we die.
 

I'm a big baby.

I never want suffering, the suffering I'm being given.

(it is a gift you know)

Whether it's someone close to me suffering and I'm helpless to help,

or it is myself, my own inner and physical suffering,

I don't want it.

OH, I tell myself, that my suffering is meant for me and

that I couldn't handle anyone else's suffering.

But I still don't want it.

I try to bargain and beg God,

"Please God, let me coast a while with no suffering."

"I'll give up something, I'll sacrifice something, I promise"

"No, please God, not this!"

 



"Really?  God, I can NOT handle this! YOU think I can, but I can't!!"

 

I have tears just typing that.

I'm right back in the emergency room with little Simeon here.

A week ago Simeon ended up with an eye infection that

turned into dacrocystitis.

He had a pocket of fluid beside his eye. 

This is something that could, I guess happen to anyone at anytime.

Lucky us.

 

Let me back up here.

Wednesday that week, I took him in because his eye had swollen almost shut.

The doctor put him on some drops.

I gave him the drops for 1 day.

The next day, his eye did not get any better, it even seemed worse.

I took him in again, but it was Friday afternoon by this point,

so in our smaller-ish town, there was no way to get a CT Scan

except to go through the emergency room at the hospital.

so off we went.

They found he did indeed have dacrocystitis, only treatable with

IV antibiotics.

We in our smaller-ish size town

do not have any pediatric ophthalmologists

so they sent us via ambulance to the University of Minnesota Hospital,

because it was very likely he would need surgery.

 

This long ride has to go down as one of the very most hardest things

I've had to do.

Ride in the front of an ambulance, with a complete stranger,

trying to make small talk, while my baby is in the back,
and all I want to do is cry. And pray. 

(not enough seatbelts in the back in our ambulances in our smaller-ish size town) 

 

 

 

Here we are at 3 a.m. finally in a room for the "night".

I tell you, watching your child suffer in any way, never ever gets easier.

Never.

It's such a helpless feeling,

as the doctors and nurses are poking and prodding and hurting him,

he looks up at you and you cannot do anything.

 

It's a feeling of betrayal.

a feeling of abandonment.

I'm right there, telling him they are helping him and that he's such a good boy,

but he's looking at me like, "Why don't you make them stop?"



 (waiting for the MRI)

They put him out twice.

Once for the MRI

and an hour or two later for surgery.

Waiting in the waiting room while your baby is in surgery,

is another one of those very hard things.

I cry and pray.

And cry and pray.

I memorize the pictures.

Children are so resilient.

Here he is the night after surgery.

 

2nd night, still needed to keep a patch over his eye.

 

 His eyes are very very sensitive to the light now.

Mornings and evenings are the worst.

He has a lot of drainage still coming out too. 

We go for his 1 week check up Monday (tomorrow).

Hoping all is well and his sensitivity to light gets better.

This little boy is making me a saint.

 

We came home to 3 kids with the flu.

I have a bladder/kidney infection I can't seem to get rid of.

 

 

Suffering, if it does one thing,

it brings us closer to Jesus.

He gives us just a little more than we can handle,

so we have to turn to Him.

 

He will see us through.

He is a gentle and loving God.

 

I can't remember what saint said this,

"If you do not have any crosses in life,

you better get down on your knees and pray for some!"

 

Suffering has meaning.

It can be a gift.

An incredible gift.

If we just let God give it to us.

Strength, that is.

And maybe some wisdom to better help others.

Maybe it's just GRACE.

Grace to offer our sufferings for others.

Grace to better our souls.

Grace.

There is Grace in suffering.

 

 

Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

“It is not so much what people suffer that makes the world mysterious; it is rather how much they miss when they suffer. They seem to forget that even as children they made obstacles in their games in order to have something to overcome. Why, then, when they grow into man’s estate, should there not be prizes won by effort and struggle? Can-not the spirit of man rise with adversity as the bird rises against the resistance of the wind? Do not the game fish swim upstream? Must not the chisel cut away the marble to bring out the form? Must not the seed falling to the ground die before it can spring forth into life? Must not grapes be crushed that there may be wine to drink, and wheat ground that there may be bread to eat? Why then cannot pain be made redemption? Why under the alchemy of Divine Love cannot crosses be turned into crucifixes? Why cannot chastisements be regarded as penances? Why cannot we use a cross to become God-like? We cannot become like Him in His Power; we cannot become like Him in His Knowledge. There is only one way we can become like Him, and that is in the way He bore His sorrows and His Cross. And that way was with love. It is love that makes pain bearable.” Archbishop Fulton Sheen (About Crosses)

White Bear Man

 My 10 year old daughter and I hesitated a little before

deciding to leave today for our daily morning walk on the beach.

No sunrise to see, misty rain gushing with high winds,

38 degrees, with a 28 degree wind chill.
 (feels pretty dang cold on the beach)

 With only 2 more days

here on South Padre Island, we figured we better go.

On days like this, we have the beach to ourselves.

There's something about just being there in God's awesomeness.
(By ourselves)

We stopped a couple times to pick a few shells that caught our eyes.

 

A man caught up with us and greeted us with the normal,

"How long are you down here for?"

Followed by, "Where are you from?"

 

This happens daily on our walk,

but this man, wearing a bright white hooded South Padre sweatshirt,

stayed and talked a little longer.

He was from Minnesota like us.

 

One of the million things I love about being down here

is meeting people from all over and finding out where they are from.

People, for some reason, light up when they talk about home.

 

We have this instant bond because we've left the snow and cold

in search of warm air and sunshine..

 

This man told me he was from the White Bear Lake area.

(near the Twin Cities)

After finding out where we were from,

he told me where he was originally from.

(now keep in mind, he's probably in his 70's)

Upon hearing his original city, I said,

"You must be Catholic, isn't everyone Catholic where you are from?"

Ice breaker-conversation starter

I do it all the time.

 

 

He told me he is Catholic.

But,

(you knew there would be a "but" didn't you?)

that he disagrees with some things.

And that he doesn't go to church because of it.

I half kidded that It's Lent, and it's the perfect time to come back!

 

Of course, I had to ask what those things were.

he only told me about one.

(because it was freezing cold, otherwise, I think we'd have talked

for hours, he was really nice)

 

I thought to myself,

Oh, no he's going to go on about same-sex marriages,

or abortion or Confession or the Eucharist.

 

But he didn't.

What he disagrees with

surprised me.

 

He doesn't believe in Hell.

 

I know there are a lot of people that don't believe there is a Hell,

I'm not sure I've met any of them though.

I've met anti-Catholics, ex-Catholics, Atheists, but not this.

 

I'm always curious.

I always want to know why.

I always want to try to understand people and why they think the way they do.

 

He told me he doesn't think God would send anyone to such a terrible place.

That, he thinks everyone goes to Heaven, because we are all "wired differently",

therefore, because God made us that way, why would he send us to Hell?

 

OH, you see, how we could probably talk for hours?

 

He obviously does not read the bible.

(I know, typical lukewarm "Catholic")

 

If he read the bible, he'd know that God is just.

(I told him God is just)

 

He'd know that God gives us free will to choose.

He would know there is a Hell.

 

He told me all the good things he does all the time.

That one time, when he was younger, and working,

he used to deliver sheetrock and he saw a billfold on the side of the highway,

stopped and his partner looked at him and was surprised that he was going to return the wallet.

I told him what an awesome example he was to this man,

how that one little thing probably effected him
 and has probably made him think more than once in his life.

 

He told me that he feels the same whether he goes to church or not.

That it is neither good or bad to go or not go.

He feels the same.

 

 

How very sad, that he's never been moved by The Spirit.

That he has never felt ON FIRE FOR GOD!! 

 

I told him about Fatima.

I suggested he try praying the rosary for a month.

He said his parents went to daily Mass and prayed the rosary daily.

 

The grace is there, it's within reach.

 

White Bear Man has beautiful white hair, a bright infectious smile,

and he made me think he is probably an awesome grandpa!

 

He needs prayers though, don't you think?

Could you pray for him?

 

When we parted ways,

He hugged us both!!

He instigated the hugs!  

See what a nice, sweet man he is?

 

Just think what our prayers could do for him.

 

At this point, the wind had gotten stronger and we decided to go home.

We had walked maybe only a half mile down the beach.
We usually walk about 3 miles total.

 

God has a plan for all of us.

This was no chance meeting.

 

God knew we'd meet.

And He knew YOU and I would pray for White Bear Man.

 

 

 

 

  



Reviews and Special Prayers

 Trying to get a good blog header photo in the sun

 

The sound of the ocean and the sunrise from this morning

for Barbara!

 I thought this was funny.

It, for some reason bugs me when people all over the internet

post pictures of their ashes.

I don't know why.

Probably because it seems like bragging or something.

"Look at my ashes!"

Prayer is more of a private thing for me.

(that's why I have a blog--haha!)

When I think about it though, after wondering why it bugs me,

it is actually a really good thing.

Seeing other people making it a "normal" thing to do,

go to Mass, get ashes, pray and sacrifice for Lent.

It's actually a really good thing to do.

 

 We have TV down here!

We've been watching American Idol.

We haven't watched in like 3 years.

I really like how they do it now,

it's focused more on the talented and not the untalented.

Now that Simon Cowell is not on anymore,

it's not so negative, comments are not made for attention.

All these judges are sincere and really nice.

We don't have TV back home, just Netflix,

so this show will be missed.

 A couple of the girls and I saw this movie here on the Island.

I hesitate to review it, I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Remember, I love happy endings.

This doesn't really end like that,

it kind of shows what happens after the "happy ending"

 

It is a musical, so if you don't like musicals, you won't like it.

The funniest scene I thought, was the song "Agony" with 2 of the princes:

 

 

I loved Meryl Streep as the wicked witch.

If anything, see it for that.

I didn't care for the way some of the characters

were portrayed, after their "happy ending",

I think the writers could have had them go a different bad way.

Or better yet, just a different way.

 

OH, and Johnny Depp?

He was the big bad wolf!

His part was short, and awesome and kind of creepy.

And kind of funny.

That's kind of what we expect from Johnny Depp though, isn't it?

 

 I am really going to miss Texas Salsa.

There's something different about it, it's just better.

It's not as thick and it tastes fresher.

 

 If you love pickles (I do)

they also have the best pickles down here in Texas!

These are the best.  I think I could eat a whole jar!

 

 We've I've been using a Swifter Sweeper here in the condo we are staying in.

My review for this is:

It just seems so wasteful!

I miss my old mop.

You know, it's a sponge mop

and you use it and use and use it over and over again and again.

It only costs you the price of the mop.

 

With Swifter Sweeper, sure it's easy,

(so it's perfect for renting a condo)

but those sheets are very spendy, like 12 bucks for 24 sheets.

That's 50 cents each and we I use at least 6-8 each time I mop.

 

What do you think?

 

 Farmer's Market Lettuce.

Nothing like it.

I love it, I crave it.

This is the spicy mix, but I also love the mild mix.

(it's clean and lasts all week)

I will really miss seeing the people that sell this.

Lauren is the owner's daughter and she's a real sweetheart.

Here's their farm

 I also got some of this yummy drink!

Here's a description

I love their purple beans too!

They turn bright green when they are cooked...veggie suppers, delicious! 

 Another fun product we've found

(maybe MN has this now too, I don't know)

It's really good, and addictive. 

 

This is Sarah.

She is a close friend of my friend Becky.

Becky is trying to raise money for Sarah.

Here are Becky's words:

 

"My friend Sarah, who has been fighting cancer for five years now, was just told a couple weeks ago that there are no other treatments for her. The cancer is moving extremely fast and he gave her less than six months. He doubts she will make it to June.

She is not religious but I think she would like to be. She has always been "interested" in the Catholic faith but never has taken the leap to commit to it.

I am more worried for her spiritually than I am for her physically. My brother and I set up a Go Fund Me account with her permission, and there have only been four donors---which one of them is me. It is depressing.

Her husband wants her to go see the Eiffel Tower, as this has always been her dream. I understand that to her, this is a distraction and a way of using her time rather than sit around waiting to die. But in the meantime, my brother and I have something in the works---we are going to also send them to Lourdes since they will already be in France. I think she would be open to it, especially since basically people are paying her to go...

My brother actually has everything lined up for her to go (including her family.) Do you have any idea how happy they will be to go together? Right now, they don't think it's possible for even Sarah to go. This could be her last chance, I so much want her to experience Lourdes. I went there and loved it. She needs healing. If not a physical healing then a spiritual one. She needs graces to get through this without trying to avoid it by using distractions. She needs to face God once and for all."

Sarah and her beautiful family

 

 

Will you please pray for Sarah and her family?

If you feel motivated by the Holy Spirit, donate HERE

Thank you so much.

 

 

Our time is dwindling down.

We leave for home in 5 days.

 

 

 

Just Breathe

We've had a week filled with a lot of little stresses.

You know, family things.

We all have them.

things we can't tell the world on a blog.

 We've got anxiety issues  and

depression issues.

We've got oppositional behaviors and ADHD

It's heartbreaking when you are the parent, the wife
and are helpless
except to deal with it as it comes.

 We have 8 people living here each with a different personality.

Everyone needs some kind of attention

Some are needy and show it

Some are needy and demand it

Some are needy and pretend not to be.

We've had cut fingers, runny noses and sick kids this week

 I had one day this week where I really wanted to go to the noon Mass

but 

one particular child made me late

So late, I ended up leaving without her

but by the time I got to the church it was already 10 minutes after 12

SO

I decided to go to the Adoration chapel instead

(at another Catholic church)

I was mad, but, as I got out of the van

and started walking towards the chapel,

the anger completely left and I felt it lift away. 

As if Jesus had taken it away for me.

I knew in that instant, that I was not mad, 

it was my own fault I was late

I am the adult here, I could have left sooner.

(it was not this sweet girl pictured, just so you know)

 Once inside, I kept hearing these words

Just Breathe

Just Breathe

And you know what?

I did.

(this is the song I kept hearing while in the chapel)

And Jesus filled me with

His Graces

His Joy

and 

His Peace

 Hard things happen to us all.

Every day

 It's up to us to turn to God,

 beg Him for His mercy,

waiting there for us to ask for

And Thank Him for all the blessings He has given us.

Blessings like these little ones

without a problem in the world.

 Except those temporary runny noses, cut fingers and little kid things

Oh, and type 1 diabetes and a cleft lip/palate, but who's counting those?

Life is pretty great 

 

Remember to

Go to God

He makes all things new.

Go to any Catholic church, 

find the Tabernacle, and sit in front of it.

(you know the gold box with a red candle lit by it)

If your church has Adoration, go visit Jesus.

He waits for you and I

(this is in my neighbors backyard, perfectly in my view)

One Week

 One week.

Oh, how the world the way we know it can change in one week.

Actually, that change happens in one day.

My beautiful friend Sarah's death has caused a whirlwind of emotions 

and feelings for hundreds, if not thousands of people.

I could not even make it through Mass today without crying, thinking about 

how last Sunday morning was like any other ordinary Sunday morning

for Sarah and her family, for me, and how 

this Sunday is not.

 The people that pulled together were amazing.

Funds were set up immediately 

HERE

and 

HERE

(to help support her children) 

The response has been incredible!

I can't help but think of the lives Sarah has touched, 

both in life and in death, 

because of the way she lived her life.

Another blogger wrote 

a beautiful birthday post for Sarah

HERE

The amount of prayers offered for Sarah and her family 

just on this site are awesome, and to think there's even 

more we don't know about!

Someone even anonymously set up an Etsy account

selling anchor bracelets

HERE

Because of her last post, 

back in April

HERE

Sarah had just completed her last bead creation

The Anchor!

Her words here:

"I love the symbol of the anchor for hope. It is very powerful.  Hope is the virtue of having confidence in God's mercy that we will be in heaven with Him someday.  When we have that hope, nothing in life can move us. We are anchored in God.  Now that is something I need to pray for everyday and I hope you are inspired and reminded by this bead to pray too."

I am blessed (or my daughter is) to have this special bead (2 of them) in the rosary I 

ordered for my daughter's First Holy Communion in May.  

Something that was already a treasure because of the love 

and hard work Sarah put into her beads and rosaries, 

is even more a treasure now. 

I only wish I could have ordered more

for everyone in my family.

I remember when I used to do daycare, 

(before I had children)

I used to wear the rosary she gave me,

(they are that beautiful)

and one of the mothers was a teacher and 

she gave Sarah, only a teen at the time, a TON of orders!

I smile now, knowing all these people, 

and even more have these treasures forever.

 My heart is broken.

As I think is the case for all who knew Sarah.

I loved this article 

HERE

put out by the Fredricksburg, VA newspaper

If you have not read it yet, please take the time to do so,

it was written so well.

The part I keep thinking about most, is all the things, 

all the projects she was working on.

All the things left undone.

The sadness for her husband,

 family and close friends that will need to 

go through all these things.

I think about all the things in my life right now, 

if I died, that would be left undone.

Is my soul ready for a sudden tragic death?

Is yours?

I think many of us would like to think that there will be time.

I'm faithful, God will give me the time to prepare.

I'll find out I'm dying and I'll be able to make all things right.

BUT

There's no promise of that.

Unless you count the time right now.

God is giving us that time right now.

We are all called to be saints.

We are all called to be holy.

 God is merciful.

God is Mercy Himself.

Am I responding to His Mercy?

Am I responding to the chances He keeps giving me to 

make all things right with my soul?

 We are the Body of Christ, 

that is why Sarah's death has effected so many.

We are all connected through Christ.

It makes me also think about SIN, because if goodness and sadness 

can effect us all, then evil does too.

When we sin, we might tell ourselves 

"It effects no one."

But it does.

It effects us all.

This tragedy makes me want to try harder

to keep my eye on my treasure in Heaven, 

and what is waiting for us all.

 To have met Sarah as a teenager,( through her mother,
whom I met at a retreat and connected instantly with)
 to see her turn into such a beautiful young woman, wife & mother

 has been a gift to me.

What I do with that gift

 is in God's Mercy

and up to me to choose that, 

to live my life so that my soul is ready always.

 I love this picture of Sarah with her baby Faustina (age 1 now) 

because it reminds me of....

St Gianna Molla with her baby.

St Gianna, Pray for us

St Sarah, Pray for us

St Cecilia, Pray for us.

The good has to surpass all this sadness.

There is a lot of good and there is a lot of hope 

Anchored in LOVE.


(another great article written about Sarah
 HERE
 and about a shelter being named after her and her baby)