I'm Stuck Every Day

Feeling defeated.

I've been trying to go to daily 7am Mass,

  (except on snowy days and sick kid days)

which means I have to get up at 5 to workout
 to be done by 6 to shower 

and be ready for Mass.

I just have no energy

and 

I've given up Diet Coke

For the first time in my life,

I have no ambition.

I even take "Before" pictures like this, hoping to motivate 

Here's my problem areas
Although, I am told by my doctor that my stomach will not go away
unless it is surgically removed.

I've never experienced a "no ambition" time in my life

Is it age?

Zumba!

OK, after 10 weeks of being up several times in the night,

I'm falling prey to infomercials

Everything starts to look good  great  wonderful amazing!!

Now, I don't have an extra hour yet to work out, 

but, I tell you, when that comes...maybe when school is done this summer?

I so want to learn how to do this

 (and lose some weight of course)

Does anyone out there Zumba?

(and does it work?)

Struggles Within

Weight struggles.

Prayer life struggles.

They really go hand in hand.

The two are so similar in so many ways.

I get frustrated with myself, when I don't make my goals,

or I don't do as much as I should.

Do you think God gets frustrated with us?

He expects us to pray.

He expects us to do our best and give our best for Him.

How often do we measure up?

A perfect start to a day would go something like this:

(after a full night's sleep with no interruptions)

6am: morning prayers and breakfast

7am: 1 hour long workout

8am: Shower and get ready for the day

8:30-9am: The kiddos wake up!

What actually happens is something like this:

2:30-3:30am: One child wakes up coughing so hard that she pukes in a bucket and the sink,

You calm her, give her Vicks on her chest, give her some warm tea (after going downstairs to get it prepared) rub her back and feet til she goes to sleep.

4am: Another child sneaks into bed with you because her sister keeps kicking her and pushing her over in their bed. She snuggles up, wraps her legs around you and plays with your hair.

5:30: Baby wakes up crying and screaming, you don't want the whole house to wake up this early, so you take her into bed with you and she finally falls asleep around 6:30, but you do too.

8:30: You wake up, finally, wanting so badly to workout, but everyone is awake and wondering when mama is going to get up. Mama puts workout clothes on anyway, hoping for an opportunity in the day sometime to workout.

4pm: You get your opportunity, but only have 1/2 hour to workout and so you take it, shower and then it's time to make supper.

But you feel failure because you had your workout clothes on all day and did nothing. You didn't go outside, because those workout clothes were on, You didn't run any errands, you didn't get a head start on laundry or anything. You didn't even have (make) time to say your morning prayers.

This has been my life the past 4 weeks.

Pretty much since getting back from Mexico.

It's funny, from December 28 until March 24 I exercised 6 days a week,

every morning except Sundays, at 6am.

(There were 2 days in there where I exercised later in the day)

That's almost 90 days!

I had drive, energy and couldn't miss a day.

I woke up energized and ready between 5:30 and 6am.

Then Mexico happened.

I got up early, but didn't exercise.

I didn't gain any weight.

I came home and actually lost another couple pounds making my total weight loss

18 pounds!

Now, I'm back to 11 pounds lost.

Yes, that means gain.

Loss and gain,

I can't keep track.

I've still been exercising, just struggling to do so

and

barely 4 days per week.

Why is this such a struggle?

My prayer life struggles too.

Every day.

Every day I give thanks

I offer up my day.

I long for quiet time alone with God.

I long for exercise time alone.

I want that energy and drive I had before.

Why do I struggle to get up early?

I have time to see my husband before he goes to work

(I love that, I miss him in the mornings)

I have time to pray

I have time to exercise

I don't have these inner struggles

and

I feel great!

So

Why is it so hard to do it?

Am I alone here?

Does anyone out there have any of the same struggles?

I pray for order and timeliness

for the ambition I need to be all God wants me to be.

I pray for you too.

Weight Update

I'm still working out, every day except Sundays.

It was getting to the point last week,

where I was starting to feel hopeless.

My body is resisting so much.

I tell myself, that is good.

My body is strong.

My spirit is strong.

I was talking with my husband

(he's probably getting tired of me talking about my exercising,

weight and Weight Watchers things)
Anyway, I was talking and he suggested

maybe I should change my workout.

What?

Change it?

I've been working hard, I change it up

I do hard and a little less hard.

I do strength training.

Why would I need to change it?

up to 2 months ago,

I didn't even workout for the 4 months previous.

Isn't that a change?

OK, I try to take constructive criticism and swallow my pride.

Well, I could add that boring treadmill to my workouts.

I'm not good with boring.

I'm too busy for that.

I can walk 4 miles in an hour outside, but on that darn treadmill,

4 mph makes my legs run.

3.8 mph makes my legs run.

I don't run.

Certain body parts can't take that "bouncing".

I decided to change my workouts.

This is my 2nd week of following this workout schedule:

Treadmill: Tuesday and Friday 50-60 minutes

I actually run for the first time in my adult life,

I'm actually liking the run part.

(The bouncing parts are doing ok)

Strength training: Monday and Thursday 90 some minutes

4-5 mile Walk Away the Pounds: Wednesday and Saturday about an hour

I just can't give up on you Leslie Sansone.
I like you too much.
I don't get bored with your workouts.

My strength training consists of her stuff:
Hips/thighs- 21 minutes
(uses her "fit cuff")
Fast Firming Walk Slim series- 30 minutes
(uses her stretchie band)
Walk Strong Express -37 minutes
(I use 5 lb hand weights, she walks and body sculpts in intervals)
My strength training day is a whopping 9 points for Weight Watchers!

I have lost a total of 14 lbs so far.
I'm going from September when I started Weight Watchers
(it's only been 8 or 9 since Dec 28th when I started exercising, so with the ups and downs, it's easier to just go from the beginning of Weight Watchers and count it all)
I went shopping this past weekend and went down a size and that size was too big.
I know the next size would be tight, so I'm inbetween sizes right now.
I'm trying to look at the positives and not the negatives
(which are I should have lost at least 20 lbs by now and
the fact that I will never lose this "shelf" of fat over my 5 C-section incision)
I feel good
I feel strong
I feel healthy
All reasons to keep going!


My treadmill music is Ultimate Dance Party Volume one.
I try to pray first,
I just can't go as fast without music.
"I like to move-it, move-it! I like to move -it, move- it"

7 Quick Takes Friday (Volume 5)

I'm still doing this Friday thing. Are you bored yet?
-1-
Today is the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes.
When I had my big conversion (I guess that's what you'd call it)
I was amazed at all the miracles and approved apparitions,
I wanted to tell the world!
I guess I'm kind of doing that now.
Read about it here
or
Watch the movie
or do this craft
or maybe this craft

Or
have some of this soup, we made the other day.
Our Lady of Lourdes Chicken Soup and Dumplings,
Recipe Here

-2-
For those interested in my weight struggles:
I'm at 2 lbs lost now!
(That is from January 1st when I started)
I'm not counting the 5 lbs I gained after starting to work out and then lost
slowly.
So, actually, I gained 5 and lost 7!
My weight does fluctuate 5 lbs (always up, not down.)
but
I feel so good!
Getting up early is very hard, especially now that the baby somehow
senses I'm up and wakes up shortly after I've started.
Thank goodness for my husband and girls, they help so much.
My theory:
I feel so good from the core.
Anyone who does Leslie Sansone's workouts
knows she is always talking about your core.
I can feel it.
I feel good in my core.
It's like I can feel my core becoming strong.
I have always eaten healthy,
I've been a Type 1 Diabetic for 31 years now
I don't have any pig-out foods to give up,
I don't snack or eat chips, or sweets.
I don't drink my calories with sugary drinks or juices.
I don't have any of those bad habits to give up.
It seems every weight loss story I read,
the person has given up something major and then
notices huge changes.
So
it's going slower for me.
That's OK
I'm not quitting.
I am not giving up til these pounds come off.

-3-
I'm planning my St Valentine's party today
We have one family that moved away, and 2 that can't make it.
so
it will be smaller than last year.
That's fine.
I love Valentine's Day!
Remember to wear your red or pink!
Decorate an indoor tree!
I went to get our tree saved from last year
and it had fallen,
I found out that certain 6 and 4 year old girls,
broke open the taped shut jar,
and had a candy heart feast.
(those hearts were like 3 years old--yuck)
They actually only ate about 2 inches.
I love reading the Bible love verses and love quotes from Saints.

-4-
This giraffe is for Christine and her love for giraffe's.
Ballerina Rosie painted it in her Art class.
Isn't he cute?
Ava, her baby girl is turning 1 next week and we are celebrating
Sunday, she's my sweet Goddaughter.
Can't wait to see all those giraffes.

-5-
We tried a new muffin recipe for "muffin Monday" and it was a hit.
Honey Chip Muffins


-6-
Survivorman!
We love watching this show!!!
This guy is crazy.
If you've never seen it, he goes to some remote area, like the middle of the Amazon, or the
Australian Outback, or some Mountains somewhere, or the
Grasslands of Africa....with only a couple things and what he's wearing,
no food, no shelter, no crew taping him, he does it all himself, even the taping.
He eats some pretty disgusting stuff.
He makes it.
Sometimes barely.
Very interesting stuff.

-7-
This is the state of our kitchen.
What happened you say?
Did a tornado come by?
No.
Our kitchen will be looking like this for quite a few months.
You must watch the video to find out why.


Have a great weekend everyone!!
Happy Feast Day!

Working Out

Thank you for all your kind comments the other day.

I had my weigh in yesterday and was down 4 of those 5 lbs already.

Which is good.

I'm not giving up.

This is one of my favorite DVD's.

Each mile is completely different,

one with hand weights,

one with the walk-belt (waistline)

one with the stretchie band,

one very fast mile and

one walk/run mile.

I need variety.

I'm visual, I need change to keep motivated.

I usually pick 3 of these different miles.

I've also been getting up between 6 and 6:30

It's actually closer to that 6:30 time

(I like to snooze, I'm working on that one)

I've had all these DVD's for years, I'd say after Colette was born. (remember she's Babycakes)

I did this one on the left this morning.

Here's a link for this series

It was fast, it had all her usual people (my favorite person is Carol--she lost 65 lbs)

But her challenge is to do the 4 mile for 10 days straight.

The 4 mile consists of walk/run intervals.

She calls them "Boosters"

It's a hard workout.

I'm going to do it.

The big question is

Can I do the same workout for 10 days straight?

and

time is a factor.

On the weight training days I'd be working out for over an hour.

Gotta work on that snoozing in the morning.

Why do they make that button?

60 days til Mexico....60 days til Mexico.....

I know I'm not going to be at my goal by Mexico, which is fine, but 10 or 20 lbs

would be nice....

Mermaid or Whale?

I, first want to thank all you who emailed me or left comments on my "Weighty Issue" post. What wonderful women are out there! I want to answer some of you here.



I do walk a lot with the kiddos in the warmer months, and have been "kid walking" for 15 years. ( I used to assistant teach at a Montessori school and then did daycare in my home before having children of my own) I have never lost any weight "kid walking". Has anyone? I mean, really? It is good for the spirits though, to walk and teach the kiddos to walk and just be active. I love being active. I love being outside.



Thank you so much for your prayers. You know, 3 years ago, I actually prayed a Christmas Novena, you know the St Andrew one that starts in November and goes til Christmas? The Novena was prayed for "time" to exercise so I could lose the weight so I could feel better about myself and be a better wife and mother. (see? I want to do the work, I just need that time) I do know, though, God answers in His time, not ours.



Uh, where's my apron? (kidding)



Swimming? Are you kidding? There's that crippling thing. I'm sure my swim suit does not fit, since I'm 21 lbs heavier than the last time I wore it. (before Sweetie Pie) Christine asked if I have my prego suit. Yes, but, OK, I'm not that big. I did lose about 30 lbs after Sweetie Pie. (I'll do the math for you, that's 50 lbs I gained in this last pregnancy)


I am an all or nothing person. I need to find that time for regular workouts, not here and there. It feels unfinished and disorganized. Workouts where I sweat, where it actually works the muscles and tones.


Here's a link a friend sent to me, that her hubby sent to her as a joke. My OB actually told me after Mary Hannah, (my 3rd) and a year of working out on an ab machine religiously, that plastic surgery is the only answer for my stomach. It's been stretched and cut too many times for natural repair. It's my war wound, my medal of honor, right? No surgery for me!



I do offer it up. I just wanted to vent and get it out there, I'm not looking for answers, I guess, just others going through the same thing, similar struggles. I got that. Thank you. I hope you did too.


Regan sent me this story she got from her mother. It's quite funny and true at the same time.


--Recently, in a large city in France,
a poster featuring a young, thin and tan
woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, "This summer,
do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
A middle-aged woman,
whose physical characteristics did not match
those of the woman on the poster,
responded publicly to the question
posed by the gym.


To Whom it May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded
by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans)
They have an active sex life,
get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with the dolphins
stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas,
seeing wonderful places like Patagonia,
the Bering Sea
and the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CD's.
They are loved, protected and admired by
almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist.
If they did exist,
they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life
because they kill men who
get close to them, not to mention
how could they have sex?
Just look at them...where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either.
Not to mention,
Who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me:
I want to be a whale.


P.S. We are in an age
when media puts into our heads
the idea that only skinny people are beautiful,
but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids,
a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver,
and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight because we
accumulate so much information
and wisdom in our heads that when there is
no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't heavy,
we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think,
Good grief, look how smart I am!"


Thanks Regan, for the laugh!!!
Yes, God is making many of us humble with our looks, and humble is good. Humble is always good.

A Weighty Issue

It's always on my mind. It is never not on my mind. It's crippling to a certain extent.


Weight.


My weight to be exact.
It holds me back and prevents me from doing the things I used to do. Not physically necessarily, but mentally.


(Now, don't get me wrong here, I have confidence in me, the inside me. I love myself. I'm not depressed. I love who I am. I just don't like the way I look. The outside does not match the inside. This blog is for me sometime, to get feelings out there and off my mind, this post is written light heartedly with a little seriousness along with it)


I'm often embarrassed to go places, especially without the kiddos. (I wouldn't want anyone to think I was just fat without having babies) I dread vacations and anyone taking a picture of me. We are going on vacation this summer with in laws and I really don't want to go. The only reason is my weight.


There it is again. holding me back. It's humbling to say the least. Especially for someone who has always gotten attention for my looks, and dare I admit, have always liked that.


With each pregnancy, (except one) I've accumulated almost 20 lbs that I've been unable to lose in-betweens. You can do the math, but I've got 75 lbs I'd like to lose. It's a little overwhelming to say that outloud.



Now, I know common sense says
eat less
exercise more
I can do the first part, really I do. It's the 2nd part that is challenging for me.


My husband was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. So, since I've been a type 1 diabetic for 30 years now, I put him on the diet right away and within 3 weeks, he lost almost 30 lbs! (which I'm so happy for, he's feeling great and doing great) But putting him on the same diet that I do, only with more calories, more carbs than I, (since he's a man and needs more) It's frustrating that I've lost none.


He's measuring everything, so, I am too. I admit that I've kind of let that slide over the years. it's easy to eyeball things but also easy for those eyeballs to get bigger over the years. Maybe what looks like a cup of cheerios may actually be closer to 2 cups. I've gotten sloppy at counting my carbs, instead of counting before I eat, I'd been counting afterward. "Oops! I've just eaten 3 carbs in my chili and 3 carbs in my piece of cornbread, now I'm over on my carbs...oh, well..."


The last few weeks though, I've been counting right along with my husband (boy does it help having someone else watching it in the house). Having been a type 1 diabetic for 30 years, I've never snacked on chips or drank sugary sodas or drinks. I've never snacked in between meals and I don't snack late at night. So no major diet changes, except to watch it closer, tighter.



For me, it really boils down to exercise.
Which then boils down to time.
At least for me anyway.



I know 30 minutes a day doesn't seem like a lot, does it? It doesn't sound like much anyway.
People never mention that 30 minutes does not include changing and showering time, so we are actually talking about an hour, aren't we? Showers are a luxery around here with a baby and 4 busy kiddos!



A few weeks ago, I walked for 30 minutes in my cold basement (thinking I won't sweat this way, therefore no shower time right?) for 4 days. I lost 3 lbs that week. (I must clarify, that I did shower during that week, just not immediately after exercising)


But in order to do that week, I really worked hard at getting supper ready at a certain time and prayed Sweetie Pie would not need to eat at that particular window of time of preparing and exercising. The kiddos are trained to do the clean up jobs, clear the table, put dishes in the dishwasher, wash the dishes, sweep the floor....etc....but this mama likes it done a certain way and well, let's just say it was hard to come up to the table not wiped, the stove messy and the "hard pans" left for me to wash.


I know, wah, wah, right?

The other day I read that Rachel Ray spends 30 minutes per day running, then 45-60 minutes elliptical training before choosing from a circuit of machines.

2 hours?

Then needs to shower and get ready, right?

She's busy with 280 TV episodes a year, 15 recipes for her magazine and publishes an annual book.

Says Rachel, "It would be selfish of me to bring children into the world." She also says she's maternally happy with her dog Isaboo and her and her husband spend 1 weekend per month home with her.

I think this is typical for many stars.

Not for me though, If I had to choose on workout time and having my beautiful children, of course I'd pick my children, you gotta know that.

I know what a lot of people are thinking (I just know), you are thinking, "you deserve time to yourself" Can't your husband watch the kiddos?

Yes, he can.

Yes, he does.

It's not him,

It's me.

I don't like missing that busy after supper time of cleaning up with the kiddos (as crazy as it is), doing baths, reading books and saying prayers. I'm selfish like that, I love doing it. (even if I do yell and complain when they don't particularly listen during that time....)

A friend of mine recently told me about her grandmother. She said that her grandmother had 12 kids and was always on the "big side" while the kids were home. She always remembers her wearing her apron and working in the kitchen, caring for her family, baking and cooking and all that goes with that. She said what stands out the most is the dress and apron that her grandmother wore.

Once her kids were gone, she lost the weight....

and the apron.

I guess, I really think that is me. I know when the kids are grown and gone, I'll have time for my workouts every day.

So I'll struggle on. Trying to find that time and schedule that works for me. For our family.

In the meantime,

where's my apron?