Trying to Breathe

Catching my Breath.

I'm trying to catch mine.

I feel often like I can't breathe right now. 

If you've missed it, 

My beautiful 4 year old was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes last week.

I, first want to THANK YOU for all your kind comments and emails, 

your thoughtfulness and prayers are treasures.

I have a TON of emotions and feelings right now.

I have, what I think is a strong faith.

Throw anything my way and I will still love and trust God.

But, I tell you, this feels like, like, I can't breathe.

One part of me

feels things like, 

I just don't think I can handle this

Not now God

Why does there always have to be something?

Why can't we just float through life with, 

nothing major happening?

I pray all the time, I love You Jesus, 

I go to Mass as often as I can,

I go to Adoration 

I trust You and You just give me MORE.

What is the blessing of this?

WHY ME?

This constant worry of lows (blood sugar)

(especially overnight)

WHY ME?

I cried all through Mass today, 

Heck, I cry all the time now.

Gosh, I sound like a selfish baby.

The other part of me says things like this

 (the first part is winning though)

At least I am not mourning the loss of a child.

At least it's not cancer, not knowing if my child will live or die

This is totally livable!

Thank You for this cross, Lord

This will not be bad for her when she's an adult

We can do this!

I TRUST YOU JESUS!

The blessings are

I know how to take care of her,

 having had type 1 diabetes since I was 10 myself.

I've found a plethora of Type 1 information, jokes, fun stuff, 

SUPPORT, people who "get it" on, of all places, 

Pinterest!!

HERE

 I've also been watching my own diabetes really closely 

because of her.

Since the last pregnancy, I've gotten rather lax 

with my carb counting.

Now, it is exact.  

(having no appetite helps with this too)

Add to that a husband with health issues, a child with ADD and another with a cleft lip/palate.

Seriously, this past week, 

I've had jealousy, anger and worse attitudes towards others.

(and they didn't even know it)

(except God)

A TON of emotions I tell you.

Breathe, Jamie, Breathe.

 She's doing fine.

This is what she thinks of Type 1 Diabetes!

We are testing her blood 6 times per day

 (one is a 2:30am one that she doesn't even wake up for)

And taking 4 shots.

 The hardest part (besides me worrying about overnight lows)

is getting her to eat enough carbs to cover the insulin she's taken 

before each meal.

Like (it's like this every meal) but today at lunch, 

we had eggs and toast and fruit.

She told me she was going to eat one piece of toast and 1/2 glass of milk.

(and an egg, but that's not a carb)

She ended up eating 1/4 piece of toast, and a half cup of pineapple.

(and the egg)

I made her sip her milk (1/2 cup is lot for this tiny girly)

while watching a cartoon after lunch (Robinhood)

EVERY SINGLE MEAL is like that.

She's 4

She doesn't know what she is going to eat.

And she changes her mind all the time.

She barely eats the 20 grams of carb she needs to eat to fill that 1/2 unit of insulin.

The clinic gave her this bear.

His name is Rufus, the diabetic bear.

He came with a book about a little boy diagnosed with type 1 diabetes,

and his mama sewed a bear for her son, like Rufus.

He has spots all over where he gets finger (paw) pricks and shots.

She's giving him a shot in this picture.

What a cool thing to give to new diabetic kiddos! 

We've spent 2 days at the clinic and have one more in 2 weeks, 

I am calling her doctor daily with blood sugars.

and then eventually it will go to every 3 months.

(with calls in whenever I need to)

 This is the medic alert bracelet she picked out! 

(out of some really cute designs!)

Personality, I tell you, she's full of personality!!

(I love that spunkyness about her!)

The bracelets have gotten way cooler than when I became a diabetic!

She did pick a pink snake thing on top...

We are trying to find a new normal here, 

as if mealtimes were not already stressful, 

God has a sense of humor.

(I'm not laughing yet, but I"m trying to)

Breathe, Jamie, Breathe.

 Jesus, I trust in YOU

I wanted to write about this, in the hopes that someday this might help someone
who is going through something similar
This is where I am right now, I always try to blog real
And this is REAL

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT TYPE 1 DIABETES,

I'M PLANNING ON A POST

TO EXPLAIN THE DISEASE.

ASK IN THE COMMENTS

(no promises when though, hopefully within a week or so)