Monday, March 18, 2013

Double Standards

I'm tired of double standards.
I think they are my new pet peeve.
Maybe they always have been, but I'm finally writing about it.

I'm talking women stuff.
Things we women should all support each other in.
Faith
Raising children
Being open to life
Having more children
Being Catholic and living that faith 
Small decisions
Big decisions

Being a stay at home, Catholic, homeschooling, breastfeeding (pumping) mama to 6 kiddos here are some things that other women have said to me over the years:

I could never stay at home with my kids all day
Breastfeeding that long is too hard
I love my kids, but I could never be with them all day like that
I could be with my kids more, but I have to work part time, I can't be with them that much, my goal might be to work only part time.
You are amazing, I could never do that.  She stays at home and homeschools too.
How are you going to teach math?
Are you going to teach them all the way through high school?
6 kids?  Wow, you are amazing.
How many kids are you going to have?
Are you done having kids yet?
Is this the last one?
I could never do what you do.
I'm selfish, I guess I like my freedom too much.

Now, I'm going to reverse these statements towards these non homeschooling, non stay at home working mamas who say these things to me, I would be looked at as if I were making fun of these women, I would be looked at as if I were being mean.

I could never work and be away from my kids all day
Using formula is too hard.
I love my kids, I could never be away from my kids all day like that
I can't be with my kids less, I can't work, not even part time, my goal is to be there for my kids every day.
You are amazing.  I could never do that.  She works outside the home full time and sends her kids to school. 
How do your kids learn math?
Are you going to send your kids to school all the way through high school?
2 kids?  Wow.  You are amazing.
You are only having 2 kids?
You are done having kids?
This is your last one?  
I could never do what you do.
I'm not selfish, I guess I don't like my freedom much.

Could you imagine if I really said these things?  I tell you what, I'd have no friends.  Yet, other women say these things to us all the time.  Why the double standard?
It hit me this past week while in the hospital, while the umteenth nurse said some of these words to me.  It's kind of insulting.  It is insulting.  Why can't we just lift each other up?  Why do we compare ourselves constantly? Because I'm different than maybe the mainstream mama, does this give you the right to say whatever you want to me?    It's like we make bigger issues out of things like cloth diapering/disposal diapers, breastfeeding/formula feeding, immunizing/not immunizing, homeschooling/not homeschooling, being open to life/not, the list goes on and on, the way we compare and get huffy about little things, because ladies, these are small things.

I have to update with this, this did not all happen at the hospital.  Some of the words were said by a few nurses.  I also must say, all the nurses were wonderful, caring women and we were blessed to have them (well...I did have one kind of bad one, she didn't double check his pain medicine dosage and asked if I wanted to give it to him, I looked at it and knew it was triple the amount he was supposed to have...she checked because I insisted, and I was right--thank God)  Anyway, these words are (and most of you got that) said by women all over, everywhere, in stores, out and about.  These words are not meant to be hurtful, they are just said, without thinking, which is why I wanted to point out the opposite statements.  Sometimes I think women say these things to make themselves feel better about their own decisions, instead of just being proud of the best choices they made for their families.  That's what I believe, we all make the best choices for our families.  And that's why we need to support each other. Lift each other up.  Stay strong in your beliefs, stay strong in your faith.   

(this is a stupid post, it sounds much better in my head)

66 comments:

  1. Not stupid. I get it. When someone gives me a sincere pat on the back, I feel it. Most often, comments I get feel more like insults even though they are more likely awkward attempts to make a connection. What an over tired mamma of a little boy who just went through surgery needs is a straight forward pat on the back- or better yet just a simple hug.

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    1. This didn't all happen at the hospital...but I have lots of time to think there! It's really that reversal thing, I don't think these women are meaning to be insulting, but they are, like the "ARe you done yet?" (with having children) if reversed towards them, it would sound awful yet, for some reason it's OK for them to ask it of me.

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  2. Oh, so easy....because Satan knows the way to accomplish his goal is by way of women. I thinks it's an I hate Mary thing. (Satan, not me. Me? I adore MAry) He's been chipping away at us since he met her, right?

    Hospital stays must stir up these feelings! I'm sure of it, because you sit in the hospital and wonder why the doctors and nurses who care for you aren't pro-life. I mean, really pro-life, accross the board! They should be. They really should be.
    I was like a circus act in Californina. Mom of 6 fresh out of brain surgery and pumping breast milk. They were coming in just to see for themselves. I kid you not! Really, the one that bugged me the most was, "You don't look like you have 6 kids."
    Now, what do you suppose a mom of 6 is supposed to look like? Heeee!

    Lots of prayers for Sim and all of you from the King family~

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    1. PMS stirs up feelings too.

      I have aunts and uncles in CA and they all think I'm crazy having more than 3 kids!

      Well, If it makes you feel any better, I think you do look like you have had 6 kids, because you have that loving glow!

      Thanks LIsa, prayers right back for all of you!

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  3. You are so right, and it helps me to realize that it goes both ways. How many times have I been thinking negative thoughts about women who go to work, or think homeschooling is crazy, etc.? It is very easy for all of us to look badly upon others, and I think deep down its because us women do worry what the other women think. We judge ourselves and don't want to question our decisions. We so easily can get lost in the well they have this or that and I don't, or she looks like this why can't I...? I feel like guys have it much easier, lol. Thank you for the reminder. We all need it from time to time. Prayers for your sweet family as you all recover from the surgery!

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    1. It does go both ways...but I try not to say what I'm thinking (haha) I think we really need to treat each other like we'd like to be treated...and stop comparing ourselves!! Thanks so much for the prayers, you are a blessing!

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  4. Not. Stupid. At. All. The posts like this one that come straight from a mother's heart are often the ones that others relate to the best. Being different than the "maintstream mama"? Amen to that, dear friend! I am right there with you! : ) Hugs!!!

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    1. Thanks Billie Jo. I think I just have PMS right now.

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  5. You are so right. It does make sense. It's hurtful. I'm right there with you. But now I'm paranoid because the comment I left on your last post said you were awesome....but a good awesome, not the bad, condescending awesome. You knew that, right?

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    1. Haha, you made me laugh...I knew it. You are awesome too!! (I mean that in a pure, honest good way)

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  6. Like Kathleen, I think you are awesome also.

    I wonder why they(people at the hosp.) say those things? I had a relative tell me to be there for my kids. Because I do not go to their sporting events...I am not there??

    Was it all from the people at the hospital? I feel bad for you. Trying to take care of your babe and then people say stuff...and you want to smack'em one. I wonder if they really know what they are saying..being curious... or are they really insensitive or mean.

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    1. Christine, I updated it to explain this did not happen at the hospital...a couple nurses said a couple of those things...I just have lots of time to think of things at the hospital and I have PMS.

      Read my added on comments....

      You are awesome too!

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  7. I think we women are sensitive creatures who want to do what's best for our family and can get really hurt when we feel others think we are not living up to those roles.

    I have learned to take things people say and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are actually giving me a compliment, not insulting me. Because you know what? Back when I had 2 kids and would see a homeschooling mama of 6, I would have said some of those exact statements...not because that mama was living in a way I didn't agree with, but because I was literally in awe and seriously wanted to know how she did it.

    So when someone asks me if I'm done having kids or how I manage with 5, I try to answer honestly and charitably and assume they are just nice and curious people. The ones who are purposefully mean and snotty about it are obvious, but those of us that can't help but blurt things out need to have understanding ears ourselves :)

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    1. I agree Colleen! I think we women, are constantly comparing ourselves, in everything, looks, families, everything. It's kind of funny when we talk about it, because, really, who cares?

      I really think these women are not trying to insult...it's just that while I was at the hospital, I thought about the reversing their comments and how it is insulting then.

      I also think there is a difference when seeing a larger family and saying "You have a beautiful family" VS "I could never do that"!

      I try to answer with grace too to those questions, but that doesn't mean I'm thinking of putting it in a post for my blog (hahah)!

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  8. I am thinking all of the above is true. Most women are in awe and mean to compliment you, and are curious. However, you are totally right in that if we reversed their comments it would sound insulting.

    On Saturdays when we go to MacPhail for Suzuki group I am experiencing a dose of this. There's a lovely Chinese mother with whom I always have the same conversation. She tells me about her busy life of work, homework, extra activities with art class and Chinese class, and how difficult it is to get her kids to practice violin at 8pm and get enough sleep. I express my awe at how she gets anything done, organized, and wonder if she cooks or cleans at all. I share with her how much I believe children need down time to play, think, or even be bored. I ask her if she every considers a different lifestyle. She doesn't She is used to this and does not intend to change anything.

    We stay-at-home homeschooling moms have a different skill set, and they are in awe of that. They probably wish they could still be deemed "educated" and be happy doing what we do. They see qualities in our children that most children today lack. But they are trapped by expectations - of her parents who paid for her college, of her husband who wants her income.

    We are oddities to today's culture and a trip to the city, being around working women, gives us an accurate picture of this. It was difficult for you, on top of everything else you had to deal with!

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    1. Yes, we are oddities, that's for sure. It's nice to put ourselves in a bubble surrounded by only those who get us. But sometimes when we get that dose of reality, it's hard.

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  9. Yep...this is what is said to me too! I used to cry when I was having a rough day with my kids but now I just shrug it off because I know it is the evil one trying to make me feel bad. But I won't let him win!! I had all those things said to me when I would take my 4 kids under the age of 5 out with me alone. Nothing was said to me when I went with my husband though(another story)! And now I have 5 kids and still get comments the most odd comment was when we were at the ice cream shop...some man said...you sure have a lot of shirts to wash! I wish everyone could see the beauty of life not the negative stuff about life.

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    1. I guess that is a true statement, it is a lot of shirts to wash. And pants and underwear...etc...People are dumb.

      I think the best thing anyone say is "you have a beautiful family" NOthing judgemental about that statement, right?

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  10. This is not stupid at all, Jamie, and I think it's very relevant. I'm so sorry people have actually said these things to you. I think they come from insecure women who feel they have to compare themselves to others, instead of just trying to be the best they can be.

    You are right- when you reverse those statements, they sound just as horrible.

    You do a great job, an amazing job, with all you do for your kids and your family, and I really have to salute you!

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    1. I agree Shelly, I think a lot of us women are so very insecure in our own decisions--it holds us back from being genuinely happy for other women in their life choices.

      I think you are an amazing mom, teacher, wife, child of God and I am honored to know you.

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  11. Not stupid at all! The mommy wars drive me crazy! And I don't fit into either camp because I stay home with my kids AND work from home...can't we all just get along and play nice?

    Love this post!

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    1. Mommy wars!!!! Yes. That's what it is.

      You are an amazing mama, keep up the great work Therese!

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  12. You are so funny, Jamie!! Nope, not a stupid post at all. Great idea to just turn those statements right around. I get tired of those statements from other 'well meaning' women/mom's. Or the looks that imply those statements. I agree, why can't we all just get along and support one another??!!
    I do catch those stares/glances/ question marks on people's faces when we are out and about. It does serve as a good reminder to me though that others are watching. I put a smile on my face and remember how much I really love my children and act accordingly. Not because it's a show and I'm acting better in public, but because they are watching and need to be reminded that children are a blessing. Even if on the inside I'm going insane for the billionth time while at Target with four kids.

    I will admit, 3/4 of the time my posts sound better in my head or when I'm exercising and writing them in my head. On the screen, most look stupid. lol.

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    1. You get it. Thanks so much for your comment...yes...ditto all you said.

      You are a great mama, who I know is doing her best always!

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  13. Oh goodness. I will be honest I will even now ask the math question but I assure you it comes from a good place.

    We are prayerfully considering homeschooling but I am terrible at math. Truly the worst. I know there are many strategies to teaching math from co-ops, online programs, sending a child to the local school for math, down to you are a math genius. It is my biggest concern as far as homeschooling goes.

    I wonder how that question can be asked delicately? While I am sure it can be a rude question for some (like myself) it may be a question of purely seeking knowledge. I suppose even just taking a judgemental tone out of the question would help. Why is this such a judgement based society these days?

    Well that's it. Just know that I follow all sorts of Catholic mamas with many and I am just in awe of all of you. I love reading about your lives and watching your kiddos grow! Still praying for you all, especially your sweet Simeon.

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    1. Oh, Snarky--you are funny. I HAVE THE ANSWERS!!! haha! The math programs usually have DVD's or other ways of helping them. Right now, 7th grade for Jedi is too hard for me (yep) and Dad must help with questions. I have the answers and sometimes just going over it knowing the answers helps.

      See my next comment...I don't think these women say them vindictively, or think they are being mean...it just hit me at the hospital, after one nurse said a couple of those things about working vs staying home that these things if reversed are insulting. People don't think of it that way. I just wanted to draw attention to that I guess. I always respond with grace and try to be nice, but times like now (PMS) I get kind of tired of the double standard.

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  14. I have to update with this, this did not all happen at the hospital. Some of the words were said by a few nurses. I also must say, all the nurses were wonderful, caring women and we were blessed to have them (well...I did have one kind of bad one, she didn't double check his pain medicine dosage and asked if I wanted to give it to him, I looked at it and knew it was triple the amount he was supposed to have...she checked because I insisted, and I was right--thank God) Anyway, these words are (and most of you got that) said by women all over, everywhere, in stores, out and about. These words are not meant to be hurtful, they are just said, without thinking, which is why I wanted to point out the opposite statements. Sometimes I think women say these things to make themselves feel better about their own decisions, instead of just being proud of the best choices they made for their families. That's what I believe, we all make the best choices for our families. And that's why we need to support each other.

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  15. I think the comment I hear most is "I could never do that" which can mean several things, including "you are crazy, weird and why am I even talking to you?"

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  16. Oh, Jamie, this is so not a stupid post. I cannot write about this in my own space because the people who say these things to me are my family and I would never want to hurt them, but their words cut deep. I KNOW they think I am nuts for living the life we have chosen. I also know that they love me and think that they know what is best for me, but really, the best thing would be for them to say congratulations when we announce a new baby. Not once have they done that. I just want them to be happy for us because we are happy doing what we do. They say all those quotes to me regularly and I just have to let it all go. My husband knows that sometimes I don't though. He sure does get an earful sometimes. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest somewhere safe that is not my poor husband!

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    1. Jenny--I'm so sorry about your family, that must be so hard. They just don't understand, but deep down, they have to admit, they love what you are and what your family is--as each child grows...and each child comes into the family, gosh, your cute babies, how could anyone look at them and not WANT more babies?

      You can comment here anytime and say what you want!!:)

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  17. You know, we get more than half of the same comments any time we take all the kids out. When we go to Disney, with the quad. stroller, you should hear the comments people whisper under their breath. They think we can't hear them, but I do. Some are hurtful, (my personal favorite, "use birth control much") some just gock, and then there are the ones who laugh and say, "you're brave, I could never have that many kids."


    I'm glad you wrote this post. It reminds me to be proud of our family and choosing to homeschool. I love being a stay at home mama, (even with 7 chicken pox, stomach bug puking children). I'm greatful I have a husband that supports homeschooling and is willing to work crazy long days so I can stay home with them. Every family is different, but why should that matter, we should just support each other. The world would be a much nicer place.

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    1. Oh, gosh, those are rude and hurtful comments Arley! I really think the comments (most of them) have been not meant to hurt. That doesn't mean they don't and that doesn't make them right either.

      Build each other up. That's what we women need to do, always no matter what.

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  18. This is a great post!!! Walking into earth fare recently I overheard a lady talking to her son about us, "oh, I remember those days - haggard and exhausted!"

    And I thought we were having a pretty good day! The kids all matched and I actually blow-dried my hair that morning! It definitely upset me. People just don't think!

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    1. Oh, no. (you made me laugh, sorry to laugh!) I left one day, and after we left, I peeked in the rearview mirror and realized I had not gotten ready at all, just dressed. It's always a good day when we get a shower! (And can put on some mascara and lipstick)

      That's one of those comments that I'm sure she meant well...but didn't really think about what she was saying. (and she gets away with it, because we have lots of kids)

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  19. We all have to follow God's plan for us and do what we feel is right and what God is putting in our hearts. Good for you for "sticking to your guns" and standing for your beliefs, even when other people say judgmental, inconsiderate things. I liked this post. It isn't "stupid" as you said. Be kind to yourself! Blessings to you all.

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    1. Thanks Debbie. I really don't think people usually are being judgmental on purpose, I think people say things without thinking first.

      God bless you too!

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  20. Oh, I so agree with this. What drives me the most insane is when they say these things...right in front of all my kids as if they weren't there. My daughter even said to me one time "Why do people say those things all the time? Don't they like kids?"
    I would like to know how to handle this with my children so they don't feel unloved or unwanted.

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    1. Oh, gosh, Jodi, that has happened to us too. I just explain to the kids that they don't know what a gift you actually are and what a blessing children are. Those people will be old and lonely someday and we should pray for them. (((((and hugs then))))

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  21. Tracy said I should check your blog today - glad I did. Great post. Reminds me of that saying "I am a mom. What's your superpower?"

    You said "Sometimes I think women say these things to make themselves feel better about their own decisions." I must agree. I have heard all the same comments as you. Sometimes I nod, or give a polite laugh. Othertimes I reply with sarcasm. Even though they may think they're being original, it's really annoying and sometimes sad. Sad that they look at us as burdened, and sad that they think they couldn't do it. I often reply, "Only by the Grace of God."

    I think in this past two months people have said to me "Wow, you got your hands full." I'm still working on the reply - any suggestions?

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    1. I am stealing this from my friend, but I use it all the time: "Better full than empty!"

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    2. I just say, Yes, Thank God! or Yes, aren't we lucky?

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    3. I love what Jenny said, I'm going to steal it too! I usually say "We are blessed that's for sure" or just a "Yep" or a smile and a nod yes.

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  22. Great post! It goes the other way too though. I can't even count the times I have felt inadequate as a Catholic homeschooling mother because I only have three children. The Lord has blessed us with three and we have lost two. Mothers will say "Oh I remember those days when there were just three." Or "I bet you have a lot of time for extra activities" or " you can bring the ( fill in the blank) for the next homeschool event since you have more free time". Never mind that two of my children have chronic illnesses as do I. I would love to have as many children as The Lord would give us - but it's His choice - not ours. I appreciate your blog because it gives me hope for my eldest daughter (type 1 for seven years). I think you are remarkable and I pray for you and your dear children. I try not to take it personally what my fellow Catholic homeschooling mothers say and I recognize that I have probably said plenty in my life people have taken the wrong way!

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    1. Oh, that's so sad, Lauren. I know, in the homeschooling community, there is a different aura or something when you hit 6 kids. I've experienced it. I hope I don't give that feeling to anyone. We never know anyone's story. Just because there are 2 kids or even only one child, that doesn't mean they were not open to God's will.

      Type 1 for 33 years now. It really is not bad, it's livable. I can do anything anyone can do.

      Thank you for your prayers, God bless you and your family!

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  23. Jamie Jo, can I just say that you're an awesome mom and how in the world do you do it??!! ;) Really, I feel I can ask that kind of question to a FRIEND in seeking support or advice or whatever though ultimately we know that we do not in fact do it, God does, and sometimes kicking and screaming. How many women have I met who desire more children and are unable or who have large broods despite their initial dreamy family or those who homeschool who fought it tooth and nail or whatever?

    With that said, too many times have I been the one saying the stupid thing so I try hard to let outsider comments go. Though yes, it certainly is more difficult when you're tired and/or hormonal!

    I have been very lucky in coming across more positive people than negative (either that or I am completely blind to body language). It wasn't until this fourth baby that I started hearing comments, with "you sure have your hands full don't you" as the most popular. I usually smile and say, "sure do but it's a good hands full!" And it is even though it sure hasn't felt that way lately. Oh joy for hormones and cabin fever right?

    I really just think people don't think and too many people don't stop and really contemplate what life is and what it means. And of course without a God centered life it's even more screwy. Besides I never get why a woman NEEDS to work in most cases (I know there are valid reasons). But I am sorry, keeping it up - trying to anyway - is more than enough. For my precious free time do I really want to work for someone else?

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    1. Oh, gosh, the 4th baby comments...it gets worse, just wait. I think by the time the 5th comes you'll be used to it. I think that's the way it went for me. But do we ever really get used to it? I have an uncle that had 8 kids himself, who asked me at Christmas time, "Don't you think you've done enough, it's time to quit?" What? I was shocked. Our society has grown OK with people not being open to life.

      I also have a cousin, (his wife actually) that said a few years ago, that she hates the first woman who started working outside the home. Because SHE is the one who started it all. (my cousin's wife was a working mom, but wanted to stay home with her kids)

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  24. Great post....in response to the "you got your hands full" comment, I like to give a big smile and say "yes, full of God's little blessings."

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  25. One other thing. One of my friends gets the question "don't you know what causes that" often. Her reply? "Yeah, and we like it!" She's not afraid to speak up. She just had her fifth child the other week.

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    1. Wow, I don't get that one, I think I'd be shocked!!

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  26. Walking the narrow road means that your life will be a paradox to many, many other people. Just keep being salt and light, Jamie, and try not to take offense at the questions. The people asking them might seem rude, but I think many of them are truly intrigued.

    Make them want the kind of "crazy" you've got. : )

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    1. I try not to take offense, it's only when I think in the opposite way, "If I said the opposite to them would they take offense?", that I get offensive. I know in public, even during a temper tantrum, we must always smile and make them want that crazy. We never how our actions are affecting others when we portray our lives in front of them.

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  27. I think that most ladies who make such comments fall into 2 categories. 1) those who are truly intrigued and don't understand where you're coming from/how you can do what you do and 2) those who are trying to rationalize/justify the choices that they have made that they might just feel uneasy/uncomfortable about.

    Keep on keepin' on and try to be a light in this dark world!

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    1. I agree happymom! Now, after this conversation, I think I'm going to laugh outloud the next time a woman says these things to me...and it's going to happen!

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  28. I'll try to come back and finish answering you all, we have a busy school morning and a fussy baby! Thanks for the great discussion ladies!

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  29. It was a good post, Jamie. And, then I laughed out loud with your last statement because I could totally hear you saying it!

    We are hardest on ourselves when we compare our actions to others. We are all trying our best- I hope! Life is hard enough...

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    1. I think we women are very hard on ourselves...

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  30. Yes....the unthinking things we say to each other, a script of phrases popular in society. I have to believe they are words just repeated and not thought-through. Please God help me to think before I speak....

    Double standards everywhere! I too notice that people think that when we disagree, we hate. That I can like a thing...but if you like the OPPOSITE then you stand in judgement of me...not always accurate.

    If we were to stand apart from our fears and doubts we would realize that they are the cause of our unthinking words. Thanks, Jamie for this excellent post and juxtapositions.

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    1. Oh, Allison, yes, it is a reminder to pray to the Holy Spirit to speak only kind words. Oh, how our tongues cut like a sword. You are right, I've tried to teach the kids it's OK to disagree. (except with me--haha) I should clarify, with other people. We don't need to get mad at different opinions.

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  31. From Sherrylynne:

    Just read your post on double standards. The response from the “outside” on my family, caring for & traveling to extended family, homeschooling, daily mass, home making, marriage, etc, all seem fodder for other women to easily comment on but there is not polite reciprocity other than a “thank you” (with an interior, I think?, added on).

    Then on the topic of marriage. My husband traveled for 6 days for a training. It is the LONGEST separation we’ve had in 15 years of marriage. We all survived but I was really lonely for my best friend. Even people within my own circle wondered if I didn’t enjoy that freedom. One less child to serve, was their joke. When he returned home and had two days off, of which he was exhausted, some wanted to know if that really screwed up my routine and I couldn’t wait for him to return to the office. It was sobering and scandalized the quiet of my mind because I had no idea they felt that way about their spouses which made me sad. Sometimes this life shows us a stark contrast that makes us intake our breath, say “oh wow, Lord, thank you for being my strength and help me to do it again today.”

    Thank you for your transparency in sharing what you do. God bless you and I will pray for your family during my holy hour this morning.
    Sherrylynne

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  32. I have to comment again if you don't mind :) ...Just Yesterday afternoon on our Catholic church school campus out of all places to think you would Not hear it but I had someone say "You have your hands full" I said very proud...Yes I have five now! (my baby is 5 months) and in my head I want to add... So There! :)
    My husband reminds me of this phrase:

    Idle hands are The Devil's workshop.

    And this morning I get an email about a local late term abortion clinic and to say the rosary outside of it tomorrow...IF only people knew that God IS and needs to be in control of life not themselves controlling life they would understand us big families so much better!!!

    Thanks for a great post and your love of family values!! God Bless you, hope Sims is healing well! :)

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  33. 61 comments - 61! Obviously it isn't a stupid post! I was just checking by to check on Simeon...I'm glad you wrote this. I've been feeling discouraged about the world. It's great and sad at the same time that so many of us have to hang out on the internet to find people like us!

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  34. Yes, I get that all the time too. I find it more annoying than offensive, but I get what you're saying and very much agree! I like how you did the reverse like that.

    Not a stupid post at all; very well said!

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  35. I get sad when these comments come my way. These poor woman don't know what they are missing, or maybe they suspect and can't cope. J and I were having breakfast this morning out with the twins and the comments start with "Are these your only children", "Wow two at one time, it must be busy!" When we respond with "No they are our tenth and eleventh!" the fun begins. There are so many comments, many are negative. We have trained ourselves to find the positive comment and answer on that. I always go over the convesations later in my head and come to pity. Most of these woman don't know the joy or the love that I see everyday in my very full house. It is true they take better vacations, wear nicer closes and don't worry about money like I do. I hope that they know God like I do because of what I see all the time.

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  36. Geez, I do some spring cleaning and I miss out on a lot!

    I am so sorry you have to deal with this right now when you are having to go through enough.

    You are right, though. I have never thought of asking those questions back like that and it is kind of shocking. I can just see myself getting punched in the face, lol.

    I think this is NOT a stupid post, it spoke to me and I am in the same boat as you. I often hear things like that from even other homeschool moms who are amazed by my eight kids.

    I have to say, I think you have inspired me. I think we all need to try and lift each other up.

    God bless you and love you always Jamie.

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  37. Thank you for a wonderful post.... this really needed to be seen and said!

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