On Having Babies

I must start this post, 

Just to clarify, so no one gets too excited here,

I am not pregnant.

(at this time)

 This is an issue I've been wanting to write about for quite some time.

Tom and I are, and always have been,

open to life.

 What that really means

is we are open to accepting Gods gift of life

We use no artificial means to prevent God's will.

 NFP, or Natural Family Planning, is used

to somewhat prevent in times of struggle, or recovery from C-sections,

of course, from  years of experience, 

I know my body very well.

I know when I'm ovulating, 

I know the baby days

 And I know the non-baby days.

That's really what NFP is, 

getting to know your body

the way God made it.

Like God made the woman's body to want to

make babies during the baby days.
(NFP is also used to achieve pregnancy-in knowing those baby days)

 When we were first married, we struggled with infertility.

For the first 3 years, we were childless.

(except for my daycare children)
(We also had a failed adoption attempt)

 I, still, to this day have no idea why that happened, 

except for us to be able to empathize with other childless couples

to some extent. 

Maybe it was not for us, 

maybe it was for others, for the priest who blessed our womb, 

for the couple that had their womb blessed after hearing about us.

Or the couples that heard about the womb blessing and conceived after that.

 Gods will is a mystery most often

and maybe it should stay that way, we do not need to know the "why's"

Being open to Gods will 

takes complete trust.

Complete trust.

That's not easy to do in today's world.

I mean who are we to say

 "no way God, we do not want children, we do not 

want the gifts You have for us, we know better for our lives."?

Complete trust means not worrying about what we want, 

or what we think is best for us.

 (working the pro life booth at the county fair this summer)

I am at an age now,
(almost 44)
where I've had 6 beautiful children,
plus one in heaven.

We are constantly in progress
with our faith, our marriage and our family

 

I'm torn right now.
There's a sadness in the possibility of Simeon being our last baby.
a sadness of the loss of future babies not conceived.
Because we already love that baby.
We love God's will for our lives.

I love children and love each new personality God gives us.
I have those baby feelings, or baby wantings, or baby fever.

God puts those feelings there for a reason.
I know it is a gift. 

Every time I count my kids, when going places or whatever
I think, "Someone is missing..."
6 doesn't seem that many

Like, is this it?

 

 On Sunday, during Mass, Simeon

crawled up on the pew and was standing to get something out of  the 

church bag, when I caught out of the corner of my eye, 

the woman behind us, probably in her 50's,

(I'm guessing her kids are grown now,

and she is in between her own kids and grandchildren),

reach

and ever so slyly,
 rub Simeon's soft arm.

It was such a touching moment.  

My baby was a gift to her, even for just a moment.

A gift from God to me, 

and a gift from God to others.

My babies are a gift to us, always.  

As in I cannot even fathom to imagine life without any one of them.

I am torn, because, although, I have that baby fever,

I am also getting older.  (like how I added the "er")

I catch myself thinking about life without babies.

No more high chair taking up so much room in the kitchen,

No more baby toys and baby car thingy's all over the living room.

No more changing table.

And it's expensive, having kids, 

not necessarily babies, but kids?

We spend a small fortune on yogurt alone.

Money is tight. 

God always provides, He really does,

there might not be extra, but there is enough.

 And then there is my body
After 6 C-sections, that tummy...and

If we have another baby, 

there goes 2 years of my life

2 more years of giving my body

(I'm realistic here, folks, my body goes to pot)

Carrying a baby, nursing a baby, 

hard things, yes.

Really, what's 2 more years?

The years go so quickly (once they are gone)

And it is ever so rewarding and filled with blessings at the same time.

And where is the trust?

Complete Trust.

 Psalm 12- Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.

 So I am in the middle, 

not knowing if we will ever conceive again, 

and the fears that go along with that.

And

kind of looking forward to the next stage of aging.

 I think that is being open.

Open to whatever God wants of us.

So if God wishes to give us another precious little soul

to love, we would be ever so Thankful.

And if that is not God's plan for us, 

then, well, 

we are ever so Thankful for that too.

 Genesis 1:28 - And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.