I need my telephone pole! I heard a speaker many years ago, explain our prayer life in terms of telephone poles. He said that just as each telephone pole is connected to the next one in line by the wires, we need to view our prayer life in that way, to know when our next pole is, to know when we will be praying, meeting God next. It is taking that time to have a very important appointment with God and to know when that appointment is, every day.
When I had the baby, I lost my telephone poles. I am awakened by the baby, who immediately needs to be changed and fed, so, my morning prayer time is, well, different now (non-existant). Yes, my duties can be a prayer (if I let them be) but I still need those appointments, or those telephone poles connecting me to God. "Our hearts are restless until they rest with God". Imagine our hearts without God, without the interaction. I think that is where all the anxiety came from last week, along with, a huge lack of sleep, crazy hormones, which cause havoc with my type 1 diabetes too, and my perfectionistic goals that really are just not do-able right now. I think the one month mark is a hard time, we, as mothers want to be normal again, but we are not yet. Our bodies and minds are not ready to.
Thank you all so very much for your supportive comments and prayers. You are such a blessing. When I wrote the post, I really wasn't thinking about comments (for once) but thinking about just getting my feelings out of my jumbled up mind and day. Your comments were all so helpful. I especially loved the one about praying the St Michael the Archangel prayer and hugging each child afterward, because, let's face it, I believe it really does boil down to the devil attacking our motherhood. Attacking the heart of the home. He does not want us to be happy and successful in bringing up holy children.
I am going to take off a couple more weeks of schooling. I am trying to enjoy just having the time off now. I have these goals of finishing school in May, but who cares if we go into June? I also think I need to re-think our daily schedule, the goal of trying to finish school before lunch (even if lunch is 2pm) is just unrealistic. We need to extend our school day, maybe 10-3 for now.
The reason I get so frustrated when I even think about not homeschooling, is because there is no other option for us. If you are a homeschooler, you understand this thinking, you know our reasons for homeschooling and it is the best alternative for us and I truly am called to do this. That does not mean it is easy. I know it calls for sacrifice, but that does not mean I like it. Sometimes the will of God is hard and we, like children fight it and without our next telephone pole, connecting us to Him, for guidance and strength, it's hard to get through the day without struggling. The benefits of homeschooling really do far outweigh the negatives, but it boils down to a lot of sacrifice.
Grace is needed. Grace received from prayer. Grace received from those telephone poles.
Yes, we receive many needed graces from the Sacraments, but speaking to God and allowing Him to speak to us is needed. Telephone poles are needed.