Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Love & Respect

This is one of the many books I am currently reading. I am almost done with it and couldn't wait to give my review of this wonderful book. I first heard of it at our Catholic Homeschool Conference last year, one of the speaking couples recommended it, and I wrote it down and didn't end up ordering it until sometime after Christmas. I skipped over the chapters in the middle that are for the man to read and am now on the chapters for the woman to read, and loving them.


"In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33


This book is based on this scripture verse. God tells us women to respect our husbands and He tells men to love their wives. He does not tell us women to love our husbands, because we already know how to love them. It comes naturally. Men, on the other hand, do not have this naturally. They must be told to do so. Men do have the respect, because it is what they desire most from us, so we are told to respect them.


In the book Dr Eggerichs talks about "the crazy cycle" that happens in marriages. The woman wants her husband to love her, and the husband wants her to respect him, without either, it keeps going around and around. She doesn't respect him because he doesn't love her the way she wants, and he doesn't love her the way she needs him to because he is not respected by her.


Dr Eggerichs challenges his readers to give the book a 6 week test. Try it for 6 weeks, see the changes. I didn't set out to do anything for any particular amount of time, but I broke my leg and was forced to see all my husband did to help me in addition to what he already was doing. I got into the habit of telling him how much I respected him and appreciated him and all he was doing for me. He did bedtimes, baths, cleaned up what he could, helped me to bed every night, carrying everything I needed, helping me up the stairs. At first it's hard to say "I really appreciate you and all you do for us." It is something we, as women don't necessarily need to hear from them, we don't need that respect, we just do our job and expect to be loved. For example, I don't need him to come home and say "wow, you did a super job with the laundry today honey." But he does need this: "Honey, you worked so hard today, thank you so much, you are the greatest husband and father."


I started praying it outloud with the children, with our prayers, instead of just thanking God for daddy or blessing daddy, we would thank God "for a daddy who loves us so much that he goes to work every day so that I can stay home and take care of them, and even homeschool, he sacrifices so much." Say that outloud a few times and you will feel those blessings and it will come much easier to actually tell him that.


Just the other day I thanked my husband for getting up early every day to go off to work, while I'm still in bed, how hard that must be, for him to leave when he would probably love to stay home and play all day with the kiddos!


In another book I've recently read, "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms" by Dr Laura Schlessinger, she has a chapter explaining the importance of appreciating our husbands, telling how much we appreciate them. She says men still love to be told they have big muscles!! They do! It's so true. And pretty cute, isn't it? Try it, if you must, do it through the kids, "Daddy has the biggest muscles, show us your muscles!" Watch him do it automatically!! It's so very cute!


Once the husband gets that respect, he can give the love and vice versa. I've seen this happen. It's happened in my marriage. It was not bad before, I didn't even plan to do anything, I just broke my leg and really did appreciate him so much more than I had before and still do.


The other day, my husband wrote me a love letter for no reason. (a 2 page one at that) He mentioned things he had fallen in love with when he met me and he was feeling those feelings again. Wow, I have tears as I type this, thinking about that.


Such a simple thing, telling him he's my hero, that I love him and appreciate all he does, every day. Every day. He works so hard for us. It's all for us. I've hesitated to write this, because I don't want him to read this and think it's all been made up or that I do not really appreciate him, because I do and saying it outloud (and breaking my leg did help a ton with that, God knows I'm dense, books aren't enough) has truly made me appreciate him and truly feel like he is my hero, my muscle man. (hey, he carries all the laundry baskets up the stairs for me every time they are full, what did I tell you? Muscle man!)


I can tell he can't wait to come home at night. I can tell he loves just talking with me in the evenings. I can tell he loves to go out on our monthly "dates". He loves going to bed at the same time. I can see him jumping up to help me even when I don't ask. Love, I tell you. It's what us women want.


I could probably say a ton more here, but this post is long enough, go get the book, it's a great book, you won't be sorry.


Blessings on your marriages!

12 comments:

  1. What a wonderful review? Can Amazon ship in one hour???? Blessings to you!

    Celeste

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  2. That is a wonderful review, Jamie. I'm so glad that you put it into practice. It is a good habit to get into, thanking our men. Just last night after I complained about our living arrangements etc., I looked back at him and apologized "because I know it's been hard on you to do this much for us - and it really is enough and very good; I appreciate you and love you very much." He just totally relaxed and allowed me to say sorry and all that gushy stuff. I think he was happier - and at rest with it. He always says, "I just want you to be happy." I do think he means it, but how can he really know unless I tell him?

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  3. Last year, my husband and I went on a retreat based on this book. It is so good. And so true. The crazy cycle is spot on! And I agree with the importance of telling our husbands the different ways we appreciate what they do for us. They need to hear it. Just like we need to feel loved. Great review, Jamie! And thanks for your witness in how you are living this out in your marriage. God bless!

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  4. Talk about providence!! Hubby and I were just discussing this book LAST NIGHT! We also jotted the title down after John and Anne's suggesting it last year at the conference. I bought it a few months ago and we just haven't had the chance to get to it. We're hoping to read it simultaneously and discuss weekly together. Do you think it would work that way? what would you suggest if we are both committed to reading it at the same time?
    Any way, I am so glad to read your review today. I'm even more excited to get started next week. Thanks Jamie!

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  5. I really want to read that book! Thanks for the review!

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  6. Sounds like a great book, and sounds like you have an even greater marriage-blessed in heaven!

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  7. What a blessed and loving home you have!

    This was so sweet to read, thank you for the recommendation and reminder.

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  8. This sounds like a great book. After reading "Created to be His Helpmeet", I was sold on this concept. I saw major changes in our already good marriage. It's good to read these books over again every once in awhile, because I tend to slip back into my old ways now and then. I mean, really, 14 years of bad habits are hard to break!

    Once you're into this kind of thinking, it is amazing to see how our culture/society has trained us to be the women who wear the pants in the house! I gladly gave them back to my husband. He looks much better in them than I do:)

    God Bless.

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  9. We celebrate our 10th anniversary this year. A year ago I was hinting for a trip to Hawaii (without the children). After realizing how unlikely that would be and how much our marriage is in need of a tune-up I bought this book with the intention of giving it to ourselves as a gift.

    After your review I am even more convinced that this will be better for our marriage than a trip to Hawaii!

    P.S. I read the "Created to Be His Helpmeet" too and was that ever a challenge to my mode of operation! I still don't take over mowing so he can go fishing on Saturday but I do try to implement some of the suggestions in this book.

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  10. I am also blessed to have a "MAN" work so hard so I can stay home and raise our children.

    So happy for you and Tom. The children will be blessed from watching your example of marriage.

    I feel guilty also sleeping in and going to the beach with the kiddos. Espcially when my youngest at supper time said, "Dad, you shouldn't have gone to work today because we had so much fun at the beach!"

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  11. This must be the book you told me about in our conversation. You were really able to glean a lot of info.

    Was I at that talk?? I haven't looked back at my notes; I probably wrote down the title, too.

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  12. I don't remember the book mentioned at the conference, but I could have missed that talk. I am SO excited to read both books!
    I totally agree with one of your friends who said that we have been trained to wear the pants and "demasculinize" our hubbys.
    Thanks for bringing this topic up!

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