Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Rest

On Sunday, Tom took the kids to Mass, we've been splitting up Mass due to the whole germ/RSV
thing for Simeon.  While they were gone, I watched this show on the Discovery Health channel.
It was called 8 Boys Wanting a Girl.  It was about 4 different women who had boy children, but desperately wanted girls, or at least one girl.  One of the women, and only one of the women, was actually OK with whatever happens, naturally, she was around 40 something and had 8 boys, but had a yearning for a girl.  She was not one of the desperate ones.  The other ones, tried several In-Vitro treatments to try to select the girls out of the "dish".  They showed one woman, who had done In-Vitro 3 times and this was to be her last time, as they'd spent over $20,000 already.  I couldn't help but think about all the "girls" waiting to be adopted in China and how that money could have gone towards the adoption of a girl that they could have by now.

  The doctor walked in the room where she was waiting and told of the good news that 6 out of the 8 "embryos" lived (babies, each with a soul) and one of them was a "girl"!  The woman was so excited and happy.  Then, the doctor said, and I felt my stomach cringe,

  "Shall I discard all the rest?"
to which she responded, in her happy and joyful voice,

I couldn't believe they said this on TV.  He just asked if he should murder all the boy babies they created in a dish.
They are not potential babies.  They are babies.  They have souls at the moment of conception, whether that is in a dish or done the way God intended.

This is wrong on so many levels.
I can't get "the rest" off my mind and heart.

Her baby "girl" did not live, she miscarried.

One of the women stated that she doesn't know why we can't just select hair and eye color of our babies, like she just can't believe we can't do that yet.

Another woman, who had 4 boys already, was pregnant again and going in for her ultrasound to find out the sex.  Upon finding out that the baby was another boy, she broke down, along with her husband and cried and cried.  She kept trying to tell herself it was ok, that it would be fine, but kept tearing up.

This baby was healthy!!!  His only fault was that he was a boy!!!

I couldn't help but think of my ultrasound and the finding out that my baby had something wrong with him.
And all the other women out there who find out there is something wrong with their babies, yet they still love their babies and want them and are thankful for this gift of life.  I also know that after having 4 girls in a row, yes, that feeling of "I'm tired of Pink, Blue would be nice" is there.  But I'm also OK with Pink.  If Pink is what God has in His plan for our lives, then, well, we accept it.

SO, we, in our world today, can create life in a dish, and we, can, if we don't like it, kill it.

I guess it's not so different than allowing God to create life in our wombs, if we don't like it, we can kill it.

It's a sad, sad world we live in.

Now, I know people who have used In-Vitro and other means of achieving pregnancy.  I also know the
desperate feeling of wanting a baby so badly, you can feel it in your very being, in your soul.  (we had infertility for the first almost 3 years of our marriage)  I'm not judging anyone, but we, as Catholics, believe it's wrong.   And yes, although, the end result is a beautiful child, that does not justify the means of achieving that child.  God allows it, but how will we (a society who "discards all the rest") pay for this?

As my priest says,
A child is a gift, not a right

In my own desperation of wanting a child, it was only when I, finally, after begging God for what I thought I deserved and wanted so badly, knelt down and asked Him to help me carry the cross of being childless if it is what He so desires for my life.  Acceptance of God's will for our lives is not always what we imagine it to be,
it's not always our "dream".  It is then, when we need to ask for His help in accepting His will.

It was very soon after this, that I received that womb blessing from our newly ordained priest, and have
since conceived 7 babies.  (so, easy for me to say, huh?)

Why not In-Vitro? (click on it)

What the Church teaches  (Click on it)

I probably went way off on things I shouldn't have, but I just can't stop thinking about "the rest" and
had to stand up for them.


  1. How very sad. It is shameful. Thank God for your witness of how precious life is!

  2. Life, which so many people around the world lost today and would love to have a chance at again, is a precious gift that begins at conception. My heart hurts at the callousness of those who discard their own babies. May the scales fall from their eyes that they may know truth.

  3. You wrote it well. It is indeed a sad issue. I need to be thinking of these babies when we pray for the unborn.

  4. Sarah--Yes, shameful. That's a sad word, but very appropriate.

    Shelly--You are so right, we have to believe that people don't really know the truth, right? Or is it that they don't want to, are they giving a blind eye in order to get what they want no matter the cost?

  5. Yes, MamaBear--we need to pray for them and their parents and doctors.

  6. I agree that it is so sad when it gets to the point that people think they can have designer children and stop realizing how precious all life is by rejecting healthy children because of sex.
    I could go on and on but it feels so pointless in our current society. It's just sad.

  7. Such a huge tragedy. We have become so arrogant in wanting what we want when we want it. Lord, have mercy.

  8. I know it is so sad Jamie. Our instant gratification mentality has gone so far as to reach inside a woman's womb with the option of "discarding the rest."

    I still go to a local abortion clinic in our city each week and it's heart breaking to hear the reasons why a woman or even a couple give for having their abortion. So sad.

  9. That story breaks my heart. It is something I just can't understand, "discarding" babies. I don't even know what else to say.

  10. This is why I can't watch those shows, Jamie! I get too upset.

    It's hard. Our society seems to be crumbling on so many levels and here's my husband, so matter-of-fact, saying, "Well, every empire eventually falls."

    It's depressing, which is why I love--LOVE--that I have a houseful of little ones. The innocence sustains me.

    What will I do when they're all grown, though? I'll go hang out with you & Christine!

  11. Come on up Margaret! I will dust off my ol'art books from college and we can paint.

    Jamie...sigh...So many souls in the dark. What is wrong with you...I wish I could shout out from the top of my lungs. These are our secular brother and sisters...I have many Catholic brother and sisters tell me without a second of hesitation that they used IVF or "got fixed"...not even a blink of an eye. sigh sigh sigh

    I sit and rub and rub my rosary after seeing shows like that. Ever see Dr. Phil? There are some crazy people out there.

  12. pS...>THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for removing that thingy that you have to type in....word verification!!!
    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

  13. Great post, Jamie and you said things so well. Praise God for the glimmers of hope to sustain the faithful who must swim upstream. I love what your priest said about babies being a gift and not a right. I've never heard that one but it's spot on! I hope your writing brings good awareness to someone who might need it:) God bless!

  14. Jamie, you didn't go way off and say things you shouldn't have, You said everything wonderfully and your post needs to be read and read and the world needs this testimony. your post on the womb blessing is beautiful too. Isn't it something the way we all (me) want what we know we want and what we know will make us happy and then God steps in and gives us what we need. and sometimes years later, we have that aha moment, and understand that indeed, Our Lord had it all planned perfectly, as he always does. I too was one who knew what I wanted and I thank God He put an end to that!! and gave me what I needed. all in His perfect timing. What a sad commentary on the world today, and that mcouple who sobbed because their gift from God was another boy. I'm joining you in sending up a prayer for "the rest."

  15. What a heartfelt post. How can something so obviously wrong to some be so okay to others? Maybe someone who didn't think this before will have a changed heart thanks to you.

  16. I really don't have much to say, except to echo your sadness. It's so crazy sad.

  17. Very well said Jamie!
    It just breaks my heart. Having 5 girls and no boys, I do understand the want for a boy(or girl in their case) but everything about this is just so wrong. To throw out your own children, as if they didn't matter because they were the wrong gender??? The whole hair and eye color thing is just sick in my opinion. Just so sad...
    Praying for them, hoping they didn't know what they were doing...

  18. Well said. And sad. A lot of the reason we got rid of our television stations years ago is that I got too emotional about these types of things. I guess that is sort of hiding my head in the sand, but it is just so heartbreaking.

    Our first 4 children are girls and the comments we got each time until we "finally had our boy" were crazy!! I mean *awful* crazy. As we were rejoicing over the new life that we expecting, the rest of the world was sure that we were just out to finally get it right and have a boy. The funny thing is that I usually only have my three boys with my now and I never get a comment about wanting a girl.

    Each and every baby is blessing!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  19. This subject has been so close to my heart lately. It is so very sad and twisted. Please send up a prayer for my husband who has to talk about invitro and selective reduction at the Catholic elementary schools' professional day tomorrow. You know why he's so nervous? Because there are a lot of female teachers who have actually gone through this process, and he knows he has to be sensitive yet preach the truth. What a difficult situation!

  20. These little ones and their parents need to be prayed for so desperately.

    I remember my 18-20 week ultrasound with Patrick. My only daughter was with me. She has been praying for a sister for a long, long time. The ultrasound technician told us that the baby was a boy, she cried. She was happy that mommy was having a baby and now couldn't imagine him being a girl. They are very close, she cut his cord at the birth.

    Tomorrow we have our 18-20week ultrasound with this baby. We are not taking our daughter and three boys with us, they are staying at a friend's place. Boy or girl, I am thrilled to be having a baby. I wish other people could be confident in the Lord's plan. We too have battled infertility, 3 miscarriages and yet know that it is all in His hands.

    Thank you so much for discussing such a difficult subject. God Bless.

  21. Very well written Jaime! It is so very sad. How can these people think that it is ok to just discard the others like they are trash. You would think they would know better especially because one is actually going inside them to grow, then they should know the others are viable too. I don't get it and I don't get their lack of understanding. And the whole idea just leaves God out of creation. So very sad. I too get upset. And I too could go on about this. We have to keep praying and be witnesses for God. God Bless!

  22. Thank you for sharing this. We were also unable to conceive for 2 1/2 yrs after our marriage and, only after accepting this if it was God's will, did I become pregnant (x5, 2 are in heaven waiting for us to "meet" them face to face).

    I have followed your blog for quite awhile now and truly appreciate all that you share. Thank you - and you have a beautiful family!

  23. Mary--Thank you!! Nice to finally "meet" you--sounds like we have a lot in common!

    Lorie--I think these people can conceive naturally, but won't because they might have another boy, so they chose in-vitro instead, so they could choose which sex, you know, so as not to waste any time and effort--ie: 9 months carrying a "boy". I also think that people in these situations, either just plain leave God out of it, or think He is working through the doctors.

    Colleen--already answered you in my email :)

    Tina Marie--so excited for you ultrasound tomorrow, will say some extra prayers for you and that sweet baby!! God bless you!!

    Laurie--I experienced that when I had my 2nd child, we then had a boy and a girl, so almost everyone we saw said "Now you have the perfect family" like they assumed we were done and like if she would have been a boy, we would not have a "perfect" family.

    Amanda--yes, I know, it's a sad, sad thing....almost one of those things where you think, "can they not hear themselves?"

    Becky--yes, crazy sad.

    Kathleen--I hope and pray so. If at least one person is affected, then it is worth it all.

    Gardenia--Yes, you are right, we want what we want and we want it now. We live in a fast food nation, a nation of instant gratification and we are greedy because of it. Thank you for your prayers.

    Tiffany--Even if this opens up like a seed and starts the conversation somewhere with someone, it's all worth it then. It's easy to blog to fellow people who believe the same thing, it's another to talk with someone who doesn't know or believe the same way. Open conversations filled with love is how to win people over.

    Christine--I'm just trying it til I get some SPAM junk, then back to it again....maybe I won't? And oh, gosh, Dr Phil (a big time contributor to Planned Parenthood) is on in the wee hours of the night, when I'm pumping and trying to stay awake....5am, 6am, 7am....all old shows, but, wow, crazy people!

    Maggie--Wow, I love what your husband says...I'll have to remember that one!! AND YES!! Let's all hang out when our little innocents are grown and gone, we can "do lunch" and "tea" and go for walks and....wait...I'm not supposed to be excited for that am I?

    Jenny--I know...

    Noreen--I'm so glad you still go to the abortion clinic every week, we need people praying there, for all the martyred souls.

    Second Chances--Yes, Lord have Mercy on us all.

    Odie--NO--we are not helpless, we can pray....the power of prayer....

  24. Jamie..I like when you have a conversation with us...feels like you care about what we said!

  25. I agree with Christine. Thank You Jaime for taking the time to write back! It makes it worthwhile to leave a comment. It is very personal.:) But even if you didn't write back I would still read your blog because I LOVE it!:)
    P.S. I am about 9 weeks pregnant with my 5th and just told my parents about it and if you can say some prayers for them to understand this is a Gift from God I would appreciate it. They don't get the wisdom so no congrats from them. :( But I will be fine becuase I trust in God and I have a very good support of friends at our church and Catholic school that "get it" one of my friends is carrying baby # 7! I too was like you everyone thought a boy and girl what a "perfect family" until we kept having more! But my perfect family is God's will for us! :)

  26. Christine--and
    Lorie--OH, Man!!! The pressure is on now!! I only answer when I can and sometimes do it by email. I don't even know if people check back. I don't always check back on blogs I've been too, because of that time thing...I'll try, but don't feel bad If I don't respond back!!

    AND Lorie--CONGRATULATIONS!!! I will pray for you and that sweet baby and your parents. Sorry you have to deal with that, especially from your parents. Yes, God knows our "perfect" family and it is whatever He gives to us. We are not in charge of that.

  27. Just can't stop thinking about this. Heartbreaking.

  28. Oh my gosh!! We received the womb blessing and conceived John Paul just days later!!!


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