Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Embracing the Sickness and Weight Gain (or at least trying to!)

Yes, my blog is contradicting right now, trying to embrace the winter, with the above snowflake and yet dreaming of Summer flowers, butterflies and gardens!

That kind of sums up pregnancy for me. Trying to embrace the good out of the bad. Trying to dream of the end.

I am sick. I have no problem saying it all. day. long. My kids keep saying, "but mom, that's good right?" Me: "Yes, it's good, but (as I put my head down on the table), I'm sooo sick!" So far, no throwing up, just that jaw clinching nausea over every smell (including perfume and lotion and well, everything) and even thoughts. This past week my husband made popcorn one night and I could not even come downstairs where he was, I had to close my door the smell was sooo strong. Yet, the very next day, I had popcorn for lunch!

I always crave healthy things, like salads & carrots, (I just bought a huge bag of huge real carrots, not baby carrots, they have to be the real thing!) sub sandwiches, (from a particular sub place here in town) These are things I crave when I'm not pregnant too, it's just that now, it's a much stronger craving. Like I will crave them until I get them. Like I HAVE to get them.

With the girls I have craved oranges and apples (yellow apples to be exact) but with this baby no fruit cravings yet, except bananas, which I always love and crave!

No mood swings (yet), but you better ask my husband about that. I did get a little sad this past weekend and did tear up for almost the entire Mass on Sunday, every song and reading and during the homily. (pro-life homily)

I have no. energy. at. all. I just want to lie on the couch all day or better yet, not get out of bed to begin with.

I also get a little frustrated and sad about the weight gain that is happening and will continue to happen for the next 7 months.

With my Type 1 Diabetes, (I've had since I was 10) I will gain 60 lbs. I've already started. How, you ask? Well, the doctor explained it to me this way, when there is tighter control of the blood sugars, no sugars are spilling out into my urine and so all that sugar stays in my body and has to go somewhere. SO, yes, I have already started to gain, even though I'm actually eating less.

With each pregnancy, I've not lost all of the weight gained. In between pregnancies, I have not gained weight, I've either lost (in the beginning) or stayed the same (this past year) so I will be the biggest ever by the end. So, in accumulation, it's a lot.

The frustrating part for me is the darn diabetes. I hate that it actually does control me. Oh, I have a handle on it, I take good care of myself and the baby, (it is so worth it) but if I were not a diabetic, I would not gain the weight. (not that much) I would be the person I want to be (body image wise) I hate that it is out of my control, I have to give in and just accept it.

Maybe I am moody, re-reading this post, it sounds negative, but believe me, it's not. It's just my struggles. My way to get it out and not keep it bottled up inside. I am still very happy and very positive. I feel so very blessed with every feeling and hard thing that comes my way.

SO, I accept it all, one day at a time getting closer to that end. Those beautiful flowers and butterflies and baby!

I pray daily for all of you out there hoping to conceive. I do know your pain, I do understand. If you have not already read my post about the very special womb blessing done by a priest, please read here!

14 comments:

  1. Jamie,
    I like the re-design. Even that in itself is a breath of warmer air - like the flowers you are posting.

    I understand where you are coming from when you talk about control. That was my problem with my last pregnancy, when I had 'borderline' GD. If I didn't control it, it could have gone full GD. But, I never really felt that the condition was under my control. That's the rub, I guess. That's why I really didn't talk about it to anyone, except for one friend, until afterwards. I still think about my attitude (I was mad at my body), because it could happen in my next pregnancy. I know I'll handle it differently, as far as talking to family, but I'm sure I'll feel much the same, if that is the reality for me.

    Prayers for you today - strength and a little less sickness.

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  2. Jamie, I wish I could be there to help you right now. I've been wondering how you've been doing, because I've noticed you're posting has been light. I could only assume it was from not feeling well. I'll be right there with you soon. As for the weight gain, I understand how you feel. I've always gained a lot with all of my kids, and so far (I'm only a month in, so give it time), I haven't gained anything. A first. I only lost the weight after my first and my fourth. The second and third I got all but 15 pounds off both times before getting pregnant again, but I'm all of 5'1, so it's a lot on my frame. At that height, after the birth of my third, I was 200 pounds. I remember how hard it was. But, trust in God, and if you are eating well, especially considering your diabetes, you're doing everything you could. As far as getting it off after the baby, have you ever tried Weight Watchers? I have sort of a love hate relationship with them, but I did lose 45 pounds after the last baby, and it did take about a year, but I was still nursing and got more food than the average. Just a thought....I love you, and call if you need me. :-)

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  3. Jamie-HUGS and prayers coming your way! Focus on the end result-that's what matters!

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  4. I think you are holding up really rather well. I'll keep your intentions in my prayers. I'm just so happy for you!!

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  5. I like the new look also. Baby and butterflies...I am looking forward to that!

    So sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I am real senstive to smells also and when I am preggers...watch out.

    Take care of yourself and that baby. You are in my prayers. Call me too if you need anything!

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  6. Jamie, I am right there with you. I have been so sick and although I know it is a sign of a blessing it still stinks. :) The sickness is easing up and I will pray that yours will ease up soon as well.

    Don't worry too much about the weight gain. (easier said than done I know) Focus on staying healthy and know you are not alone in your thoughts and worries. Keep praying, and I will be praying for you too. God bless and take care.

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  7. You have a lovely figure, believe it or not! I'm certain you'll be a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman. I'll just look like me but a more defined round instead of lumpy. But when this is all over for both of us, I'd be happy to challenge myself as your fitness partner. I started this pregnancy at 5'5" and 260 lbs. I was this size with Sabrina and only gained 6 lbs with Gestational Diabetes. I hope to match that, and have an active pregnancy instead of being a lump on a log for the next 6 months.

    My mom asked that I send you her congratulations! She sent us some prayers...

    PRAYER TO ST. GERARD
    O Almighty and everlasting God, Who, through the operation of the Holy Spirit, prepared the body and soul of the glorious Virgin Mary to be a worthy dwelling place of Your Divine Son; and, through the operation of the same Holy Spirit, sanctified St. John the Baptist, while still in his mother’s womb; hearken to the prayers of Your humble servant who implores You, through the intercession of St. Gerard, to protect her amid the dangers of childbirth and to watch over the child with which You have deigned to bless her; that it may be cleansed by the saving water of Baptism and, after a Christian life on earth, it may with its mother attain everlasting bliss in heaven. Amen.

    A PRAYER FOR AN EXPECTANT MOTHER
    Lord, may the child that lies close to my heart grow strong and perfect. Give me the grace Dear Lord, to be a wise and loving mother. Mother of all mothers, guide and protect me in my pregnancy. Help me to keep my mind pure and free from sin so that I may breathe and weave holiness and lovingness into the soul of my child. Amen

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  8. Thank you everyone! I actually do not mind the sickness, it reminds me I am very pregnant and it helps make me much more thankful. Does that make sense?

    Melissa, thank you so much, you are so sweet. Please thank your mom for me too, beautiful prayers, I will print them up.

    Yes, I will be your fitness partner, Weight Watchers and Walk Away the Pounds for me--want to join in? (Jen?) :)

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  9. For all those suffering from infertility. I pray the following may encourage and help you as much as it has helped me!

    I recently received this in email and wanted to share with all of you:

    **********************************
    taken from an email from:

    http://www.whosaidyouare2old2conceive.com to order.
    The Lord's Word on Healing Ministries


    Many of you have prayed all year for God to take away the miscarriage and
    infertility that has troubled you and give you your own child. Low sperm
    production problems has troubled you and stopped you from having your own child.
    You have done all you know to do in the physical yet no answer. It looks like
    God has forsaken you. It looks like heaven has become brass in your case. In
    times like these what can I do? You may ask?
    Today I want us to visit the bible and see someone who faced the problem of
    unanswered prayer and how she finally overcame it.
    In the book of 1 Samue1- 1:11, I found an unanswered prayer. A woman named
    Hannah was offering this prayer. It becomes obvious upon close observation that
    she had been praying this prayer for a long time. If you will notice, her prayer
    is not unscriptural It is simply unanswered. All she wants is a child. However,
    no child is born. Day and night she cried out to God to bless her with her own
    child.
    The bible tells us that Hannah is a faithful child of the Most High God. She and
    her husband go to Shiloh and worship God each time there is a feast. During
    those pilgrimages they always make the proper sacrifices and give generously to
    the work of the Lord in Shiloh.
    Since we know that Hannah is a faithful worshiper of Almighty God, it is only
    reasonable to believe she is also a woman of prayer. Because of her great desire
    to have a son, we know she is constantly praying to conceive. No doubt she rises
    early every morning with this special prayer request, "Oh, God, give me a Son!"
    Like so many out there she keeps at it, Lord, take away this miscarriage, take
    away this infertility from my life! Visit my womb with a child. Surely she
    continues to call out to the Lord Almighty every single day yet nothing seemed
    to be happening.
    Everyone in the house knows her prayer by heart. I am sure she has asked all her
    family and neighbors again and again to agree with her that she will overcome
    infertility. All the angels of heaven know her desire. To put it bluntly,
    everyone in heaven and earth seems to have heard her prayer -- that is, everyone
    except God. Here we see the most heart-breaking kind of prayer. It is an
    unanswered prayer!
    The bible tells us that sorrow over her unanswered petition finally causes her
    to stop eating, "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD".

    At this point she makes a radical change in the way she prays. Driven by
    desperation, she makes one last, violent attempt to move God's hand. Thank God,
    she has the sense to throw tradition to the wind and boldly take hold of that
    which is rightfully hers! Child of God, don't be turned off by the thought of
    taking violent action in prayer, for the violent leap of faith almost always
    brings deliverance, especially when your heaven has turned to brass.
    We can see the desperation in Hannah's heart in the unusual way she forms her
    prayer. Her approach to God totally disregards tradition. The words she speaks
    can be described only as spiritual violence. It did not matter to her any more
    what anybody had to say.
    Hannah's new way of praying swiftly moves God's mighty hand to her point of
    need. The Bible tells us that within hours of praying, she becomes pregnant.
    Take a moment, and read her most unusual prayer.
    Hannah's Prayer:
    "she made a vow, saying, O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your
    servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a
    son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor
    will ever be used on his head,1 Samuel 1:11.
    In her prayer she openly accuses God of forgetting her. She dares to bargain
    with Him for an answer. She talks to God the way a child will talk to a father.
    She talks to God like one who has a relationship with Him. She knows God's Word
    does tell us He chooses to be reminded of his word. For the bible says in,
    Isaiah 49:14-16.
    "But Zion said, The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me. Can a
    mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has
    borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you
    on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me".
    I hope you caught the significance of what you just read? The Bible says your
    name is tattooed on the palm of God's hand. He has placed it there as a reminder
    so that He won't forget you. Furthermore, He plainly asks you to remind Him of
    his word. God wants us to remind Him of our needs, our wants and our desires.
    Hannah Confronts God
    Be assured that Hannah's new-found way of prayer does not contradict God's Word.
    She simply expresses her true feelings about her situation and how she feels
    forgotten by God. She literally storms heaven for an answer. She demands an
    answer from her God, and she gets one.
    She Bargains With God
    If you carefully study the next part of her prayer, you will see that she
    actually bargains with God for an answer.
    Hannah's Prayer:
    "she made a vow, saying, O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your
    servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a
    son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor
    will ever be used on his head,1 Samuel 1:11. She gives her unborn child as a
    gift to God in faith.
    1 Samuel 1:11
    Please make a mental note of the extreme value of her gift. It is very precious,
    for it will be her first-born son. Don't let the thought of mixing your giving
    and praying together disturb you. It is not unscriptural to strengthen prayer by
    adding something to it. Many times I always encourage people to strengthen their
    prayers with their giving. Sow your seed into a good ground. If you are
    believing God for a child sow into a ministry that God is using in the earth for
    such cause. Bless the orphans and give specifically by faith towards your hearts
    desire. Hannah did it and it moved Gods hand.
    Fasting Added to Prayer
    Once the Lord Jesus himself instructed his disciples to add something to one of
    their unanswered prayers. If you remember, He told them to add fasting when
    prayer alone had failed. "And he said unto them, this kind can come forth by
    nothing, but by prayer and fasting". Mark 9:29.
    This is what Hannah did -she added giving to her prayers. You too can do the
    same. Note how swiftly God's hand moves when Hannah boldly adds giving to her
    prayer! Notice carefully the decisive steps that bring her the answer.
    * First, she makes a vow (a strong promise)
    * Second, she asks that she be no longer forgotten
    * Third, she adds sacrificial giving to her prayers
    Let's look at her prayer one more time. I want you to have no doubt about what I
    am saying:
    "she made a vow, saying, O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your
    servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a
    son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor
    will ever be used on his head,1 Samuel 1:11.
    God remembers her, "Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the
    LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his
    wife, and the LORD remembered her, 1 Samuel 1:19.
    There you have it in black and white! God states that Hannah's new line of
    prayer reminded Him of her need. I want you to notice further how quickly her
    answer comes. As Soon as she returns home she conceives.
    While Hannah's prayer may disturb some it is evident that it pleased God. Notice
    that in just a few days years of unanswered prayer have ended. The miracle does
    not stop there.
    The bible says that after Hannah gave Samuel to the Lord, s work the Lord
    visited Hannah in a second pregnancy "the LORD was gracious to Hannah; she
    conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters. Meanwhile, the boy
    Samuel grew up in the presence of the LORD" I Samuel 2:21.
    Chance! Luck! I Think Not!
    Some will say that what you have just read is nothing more than a coincidence.
    However this same kind of prayer is repeated throughout the pages of the bible. It has worked in my life again and again. I also know by faith that if you will do the same it will work for you too. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable with the things you have just read, I encourage you to remember the following words of God from the bible, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts, Isaiah 55:8-9.
    Remember, God's ways and thoughts are different from yours. Isn't it amazing that Hannah, a simple housewife, knew more about moving God's hand than most people do theses days?
    God is no respecter of person but will surely honour your faith if you give it to him, like Hannah did. Praise the Lord!

    Prayer: I will sing to the Lord a new song. For the Lord is good. Sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name. I proclaim his salvation day after day. I declare his glory among the nations, his marvellous deeds among all peoples. My God is good and his mercy endures for ever. Great is my Lord and
    most worthy of praise. He is to be feared above all gods. I bless you Lord. I give you glory Lord.

    The Lord God of Heaven you answered Hannah. You are my Father too. I know you will do the same in my life. I want to make a deal with you Lord. Hannah made a deal with you and you moved in her life. Lord I am making this vow before you
    today. (Make your vows only if you mean to keep it-now make that exchange with
    God). Lord remember me like you did Hannah and open my womb now in Jesus name.
    Thank you Lord for hearing me and doing it in my life too in Jesus name. From today I call myself a happy mother of children in Jesus name. Amen.

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  10. Is there some one struggling with fertility? I didn't see it in the post...sorry. :-(

    Jamie, I don't diet during the pregnancy (not good!), but always about eight weeks after. So, it's you and me baby all the way! We could really do it together by doing it online...It'll be fun!

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  11. Jamie,
    Congratulations and I too love the re-design. You are in my prayers.

    Maria Therese,
    Thank you for your post. We have been praying for more children for over two years now.

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  12. Prayers have been offered up for you, specifically, Jamie!
    Luke, Noelle and I had an all nighter with the pukes/dia. the other night. We were offering it for you to feel better - if only for a day! :) We also have been offering up other ickies from this stomach bug for the March for Life/ New Pres, etc. Those prayers of our little ones are SO strong! ;)
    Hope this finds you feeling as good as you can be. I just wish I could be there and make some meals for you so you don't have to smell anything!
    Gotta go throw the LAST load of pukey blankets in the wash. I think we went through every blanket and sheet in the house - and they needed to be washed 2X!
    Love and prayers,
    Sarah
    PS I am right with you all on the Weight Watchers! Sophia is 3 mos now and I still weight the same as when I came home from the hospital! After getting this tummy bug, I have renewed my resolve to put only good things into this temple of the Holy Spirit! :) I am going to try WW while nursing starting on Monday.

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  13. Yes Weight Watchers after babies are born of course, no dieting while pregnant, come on, we earn that time to not feel guilty for actually eating some fattening things...!

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  14. Oh My Goodness Jamie! I just happened to find your blog after seeing your comment on Minnesota Mom (who I just recently found!). I put 2 and 2 together and just had to check if Jamie was THE Jamie I knew!! It was you!! I'm so excited to find your blog! I have been blogging for a year, but have recently become more connected with other Catholic moms. So excited to hear you are expecting!! Hope things get better for you. Also linked to your post on the womb blessing. I need to get me one of those!! Almost 3 years of trying and we're dealing with secondary infertility. That was the main reason I started my blog, but then it became a place for me to celebrate life and the season we are in for now, until we are blessed again. Better let you go. Maybe we can talk at conference next Sat. Planning on being there. Blessings!

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