Yes, my blog is contradicting right now, trying to embrace the winter, with the above snowflake and yet dreaming of Summer flowers, butterflies and gardens!
That kind of sums up pregnancy for me. Trying to embrace the good out of the bad. Trying to dream of the end.
I am sick. I have no problem saying it all. day. long. My kids keep saying, "but mom, that's good right?" Me: "Yes, it's good, but (as I put my head down on the table), I'm sooo sick!" So far, no throwing up, just that jaw clinching nausea over every smell (including perfume and lotion and well, everything) and even thoughts. This past week my husband made popcorn one night and I could not even come downstairs where he was, I had to close my door the smell was sooo strong. Yet, the very next day, I had popcorn for lunch!
I always crave healthy things, like salads & carrots, (I just bought a huge bag of huge real carrots, not baby carrots, they have to be the real thing!) sub sandwiches, (from a particular sub place here in town) These are things I crave when I'm not pregnant too, it's just that now, it's a much stronger craving. Like I will crave them until I get them. Like I HAVE to get them.
With the girls I have craved oranges and apples (yellow apples to be exact) but with this baby no fruit cravings yet, except bananas, which I always love and crave!
No mood swings (yet), but you better ask my husband about that. I did get a little sad this past weekend and did tear up for almost the entire Mass on Sunday, every song and reading and during the homily. (pro-life homily)
I have no. energy. at. all. I just want to lie on the couch all day or better yet, not get out of bed to begin with.
I also get a little frustrated and sad about the weight gain that is happening and will continue to happen for the next 7 months.
With my Type 1 Diabetes, (I've had since I was 10) I will gain 60 lbs. I've already started. How, you ask? Well, the doctor explained it to me this way, when there is tighter control of the blood sugars, no sugars are spilling out into my urine and so all that sugar stays in my body and has to go somewhere. SO, yes, I have already started to gain, even though I'm actually eating less.
With each pregnancy, I've not lost all of the weight gained. In between pregnancies, I have not gained weight, I've either lost (in the beginning) or stayed the same (this past year) so I will be the biggest ever by the end. So, in accumulation, it's a lot.
The frustrating part for me is the darn diabetes. I hate that it actually does control me. Oh, I have a handle on it, I take good care of myself and the baby, (it is so worth it) but if I were not a diabetic, I would not gain the weight. (not that much) I would be the person I want to be (body image wise) I hate that it is out of my control, I have to give in and just accept it.
Maybe I am moody, re-reading this post, it sounds negative, but believe me, it's not. It's just my struggles. My way to get it out and not keep it bottled up inside. I am still very happy and very positive. I feel so very blessed with every feeling and hard thing that comes my way.
SO, I accept it all, one day at a time getting closer to that end. Those beautiful flowers and butterflies and baby!
I pray daily for all of you out there hoping to conceive. I do know your pain, I do understand. If you have not already read my post about the very special womb blessing done by a priest, please read here!